V38:

Yes, Start your own thread.

Reading your post, I get what you trying to say.

Your WH revealed his A to you, then heaped coals of hatred about what was wrong with the M and how his A was all your fault.

You would have appreciated it better if he had revealed the A and said that he was REALLY meassed up in the head, and he was looking to fix this mess he made.

If he did THAT, waiting an extra day would have been worth it. However. What happened, happened.

Let's deal with that.

LG

Okay, the ones that haven't been banned.


See? it's a matter of opinion.

-ol' 2long

That is the KEY PHRASE, LG: "because they were ready." Truly, we do not have the power to force someone to repent against their will. Some believe they have that power, we do not.

The ones who really want to change could not be run off by wild horses. The ones who don't want to get honest, will run off by most anything.

This thread has been exposed for what it truly is: a weak rationalization for continued lying to a betrayed spouse under the guise of selfish interests.[seeking "personal growth"]

That is all it is and it needs to deemed as such. Lying is profoundly destructive and only delays recovery. That kind of CRAP such never ever be condoned on a forum that advocates HONESTY and RECOVERY.

This kind of fogged out, wacky thinking makes me feel UNSAFE. I do not FEEL SAFE.

More on topic:


- Richard Bach, from "The Bridge Across Forever"

-ol' 2long

Still not following ya. I guess you will have to be more specific, 2Long.

That's part of the point. I don't want to incite further trouble.

So, I'm not going 2 answer that 2uestion.



-ol' 2long

Doesn't seem to have worked with you now though does it LG?

LG,


You are so right.

FL, In the end you learned what you needed to learn so you could confess and get your M in to recovery. If you had gone off half cocked, your marriage might not have survived. The issue for you was "did you want to be right" and tell your H immediately or "did you want to be married". You chose to want to be married.

You didn't leave here. You stayed and learned to get through the fog so you could tell. Not every WS cuts through the fog on their first visit here.

The veterans here have a choice to help them through the fog or beat them up. I bet the Harley's figure it sometimes takes more than one session with them to convince the WS to confess. I'd find it hard to believe they would beat up the newbie, but instead help coach them through it.

V38, I understand what you were saying too!

OK let the beatings resume!

Blessings.

S&C

FLT2H - That is some incredible SPIN you are doing here. I cannot believe anyone would advocate dishonesty as a good thing.

It may have taken you 4 months to get the courage to confess and kudos to your for doing it but to advocate that position is ridiculous.

You feed right into peoples fears about doing the right thing.

WS's LOVE excuses not to act in honourable ways and here you and others are excusing that inaction.

Good Grief.

I totally agree Mel.

Mel...BK...great points. I wanted to alter the title too....How Long should I lie to my spouse?

Thanks for sharing Miss M. What you term insults, I suggest is fact based on what I have been told by those that I referenced. I also am trying to understand why some people are willing to tolerate things that most would consider unacceptable. I look at their history and find clues.

I do appreciate the "ignore" though as I will no longer need to explain myself to you. I hope a few others follow suit.

I thought your confession was not completed all on one day ... maybe I am confused (I am old) ....

you have got to be kidding!!!!

so i must also be wildhorses too.

ML you have hit a new low accusing me like that. just unbelievable.

and the word "few" is not as good as the word "multiple"???
just ridiculous!!

i've stated what i wanted to here. some will see what i am saying and even agree perhaps to an extent, some will not. does not matter to me.

pep, i am happy to answer your question. you were there for it all, no you are not missing anything. it's all in my profile, i am not hiding anything. after my first confession, i got into IC and continued posting here as well. yes it took many months before i was able to face everything at which point there was a second d-day where all was confessed.

and someone also asked me about if during the 4 months was i trolling, no, that is not accurate, however it is accurate that there were times after the confession that i was tempted to backslide. FF became a bit of a accountablity person alowing me to call her on my dark days, as did my IC, and i did post on this board about it too. all actions i was taking to fight myself out of old habits/patterns.

so, yes i was a woman fighting to not fall back into my destructive patterns as i was working fully facing myself and my life which allowed me to finally confess all.

i have no problem admitting that.

and if you want to have a field day with that information, knock yourself out.

yeah, i'm wildhorses too, because after all i must be, she also understands and it sounds like agrees with what i'm saying.

yup, i've been planning this since 8/23/06.

pep, you've know me from the start, you and JL were so extraordinarly instrumental in my life. are you telling me you also think i'm victoria??

just unreal.

I was just trying to confirm if what I recalled about this was accurate or inaccurate - I do not choose to have a "field day"

I will not bother you anymore

pep, you are not a bother. you are not who i was referring to. did you see my question to you?

p.s. click on my name, the info about me having 2 day days is all there as is the details of my affairs.

medc,

I think you have a lot of good things to say, a lot of good advice, don't get me wrong.

I am a CA, too much drama in my past, so these kind of threads really are painful to me.

You don't need to explain yourself to me, I'm just a cheerleader kind of person, focusing on the good. Yourself and several others on this board are straight shooters, so to speak and that is valuable here.

My point was that the person in questions' ws had the op picture at the office, not at home. Quibbling, I know.

My anger got me in a lot of trouble in the past. I know I am subjective. It just pains me to see this going on. And I got angry. I hate that. When I react. Apology offered for the DJ.

Carry on, you are valuable here.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Here's what I think .....I believe that personal recovery needs to be grounded in marital recovery. All the while you are trying to "learn" and "grow", you are leaving your spouse completely out of the picture, which is absolutely what brought you to have an affair. Marriage is a two = one deal, and you need to learn to be who you are, the best you, WITHIN THAT CONTEXT. There is no learning and growing from your mistakes on your own when those mistakes affect another, namely your spouse.

Just my two cents.


NOW