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What I found off-putting is that it seemed [to ME] that FLTH was holding up her BAD behavior as a GOOD example...I don't see the point of doing that... At first that's what I thought, but we discussed it a bit and I found that was not her intent at all. She was simply stating that she owes her decision to finally confess to being here, reading and learning. She owes it to the people here that were willing to guide her, regardless of whether she had confessed yet or not. She kicked herself over and over and over for not confessing sooner....did you miss that? She said she has FINALLY forgiven herself for "taking too long". She is long past confessing to her husband, and so it appeared [to ME] to be an effort at stirring things up based on her feelings about Brooke's situation...She's clearly had a bone to pick for several days now-her multiple callouts of other board members, along with hostile posts on another thread have demonstrated that in my eyes... And what was the point of saying that? NOW
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She was simply stating that she owes her decision to finally confess to being here, reading and learning. She owes it to the people here that were willing to guide her, regardless of whether she had confessed yet or not.
She kicked herself over and over and over for not confessing sooner....did you miss that? She said she has FINALLY forgiven herself for "taking too long". THIS is what I saw.
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Second, the vast majority of the people making this decision are predisposed to delaying or avoiding it. AGree. In my mind, that is like expecting the drunk driver [a chronic alcoholic] to take the time deciding when it is "right" for him to stop drinking and driving. It makes no sense to ascribe powers of reason to a falling down drunk.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She kicked herself over and over and over for not confessing sooner....did you miss that? That is not her position at all. Did you read her posts on this thread, NOW? She thinks it was for the best and said: "i will absolutely not recommend rushing to confess." This is after she applauded her decision to wait 4 months to tell her H: For a long time, as i saw others come here and confess so much quicker i would beat myself up as to why i took so long.
right now i'm thinking.... that time spent, i started to learn a lot, i had a chance to get my head together, my DH had a chance to see in my actions of those four months that something was changing. it was all actually a good thing. So yes, she has now changed her position and concluded it was a GOOD THING to continue to deceive her H for 4 months. This commment summarizes her position, IMO: i'm not saying i recommend waiting 4 months to anyone, but i will absolutely not recommend rushing to confess.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And FL never said it was a good idea to "wait" to confess...she simply indicated HOW she got to that point.
On her own, she likely would not have confessed, ever. But she was HERE, learning about all the reasons it was best that she did.
If someone new comes here, and they have not yet confessed to having an affair, I suspect FL's concern is that they will be written off as a lost cause or something, maybe even leave before reaching the point of confession.
The point is, MB can help a person come to the right decision....though it might take some time.
NOW
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That time spent learning....do you think it was a "bad" thing then?
I don't think she was applauding herself for waiting, I think she was glad that during the time she avoided it, she was working toward that point.
Yes, I did read her posts.
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This is what stands out for me on this thread. A quote by FL i am NOT at all abdocating not confessing, This is where FL was when she came here. i totally thought we could have a good marriage even though he did not know about these things. if i had not come here and learned those things with the help of all those posts from JL and so many other here, that never would have changed. This is what happened while she was here. She changed. Which lead to… a confession that included a deeper understanding of all the damage she did No she was not in “recovery” during that 4 month period, but their recovery was probably shorter because she confessed a repented woman ready to work on the M. I know my recovery would have been faster if my W came to me a repented woman rather than telling me about her A and asking for a D. As a BS, I’ll take any confession; but I’d rather take a confession with repentance and a willingness to work on the M, than a confession asking for a D followed by a spew of rewritten history, I never loved you’s; or other demoralizing and hurtful things. Some people on this thread seem to want to beat this horse until their opponent raises a white flag to surrender and offers an apology for not being able to live in their ideal world. I think she did good. She confessed, was remorseful and wanting to fix the M. I would have killed for that situation back on D-Day. It took my W a year and a half to actually start working on the M. S&C
No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Brooks Adams
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And what was the point of saying that?
NOW Because NOW, that is how *I* see it...The point of saying it was to give MY opinion...Maybe you were not aware of the circumstances surrounding the origin of this thread...I was...Simple as that... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Btw, EXCELLENT post rprynne...I agree!
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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This is what I think sums up her position in a nutshell... i know i absolutely had no chance at confessing until i learned what i learned here. I think I understand now what you were trying to say....that's it in a nutshell, isn't it? Nothing more than that, nothing less. So it may have taken you longer than some, but the fact remains, you DID confess, you never advocated anyone waiting to confess, you were just saying that it took some learning and growing to even get to that point....is that correct? NOW So "rushing to confess".....would never have happened.
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thanks S&C and NOW.
i'm glad this topic is being discussed. i hope it is helpful to some. i'm not concerned about the attempts of others to discredit me or do whatever they think they are accomplishing.
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hi rpynne,
i have already stated, i see the risk you are talking about, i have already acknowledged i was lucky. as with all risks there are benifits and disadvantages to both sides. and so i am also stating the benefit that occured in my situation.
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Because NOW, that is how *I* see it...The point of saying it was to give MY opinion...Maybe you were not aware of the circumstances surrounding the origin of this thread...I was...Simple as that... Well then, let me just say, I disagree with you, and that I think it's harmful to speculate about these kinds of things. Why would I need to know about some other thread? All I need to know is what she MEANS by what she says, and I got that. NOW
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Mrs. W. and you don't think you are doing exactly what you accuse me of?
do you think i should not post?
have you not been editted yourself these past few days for your own attacking words.
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has anyone else noticed that victori38, a brand new poster, has had only one response to her question?
******************edit**************
Last edited by JustUss; 02/28/08 03:05 PM.
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Mrs. W. and you don't think you are doing exactly what you accuse me of?
do you think i should not post?
have you not been editted yourself these past few days for your own attacking words. Sure, I've been edited here, no doubt I will be again...I don't question the mods, I trust their judgment... I think you are a "firestarter" here FLTH...I got frustrated when you posted baiting another poster here...My words to you on that thread were edited...Fair Enough... On the other hand, you start HOSTILE callout threads to other board members...Get admonished and the thread gets LOCKED...What is your response? You start TWO more callout threads to the same member...A total thumbing your nose at the mods here...GOOD GRIEF...Talk about lack of respect and entitlement!!! Not to mention your last post on this thread, specifically trying to BLAME other board members for another poster not getting enough replies in your opinion...Yet another attempt to STIR THE POT!!! What gives??? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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i'm not saying i recommend waiting 4 months to anyone, but i will absolutely not recommend rushing to confess. what is that then? Is the "time frame" the problem? 4 months? 2 months? 1 month? 2 weeks? 1 week? If a person doesn't rush to confess, it means that they should take their time and wait til the time is right...correct? You cannot have it both ways... Don't rush....but I'm not telling you to wait either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> committed (and confused)
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you start HOSTILE callout threads Mrs. W. it all started when i posted to ML asking her to re-consider what she had just posted as her words might be hurtful to Brooke given what just occured. ML's response was: i don't care about Brook's feelings. and you look at that exchange and call me hostile??
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Boy that is a big misinterpretation of what was said FLTH...I read the thread...That is NOT the way it was worded...She said that she cared more about Brooke's VICTIM than Brooke's FEELINGS...Which is exactly as it should be...Not sure why you are confused on that...The focus should be on the VICTIM FLTH...NOT on the PERP...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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i'ld quote her words but from the look of it, i'm not allowed to do that. JustUss just editted out words of two other posters that I just quoted. And yet the original quotes that I copied on pages 4 and 5 remain.
of course it's fine for my words to be quoted and re-quoted all they want.
how does that make sense?
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