I'm new to Marriage Builders. I just found out my husband went on a cruise with another woman. The gross part is the day before he left we had sex. We've been having it the entire time he has been moved out. He denied having another woman so I thought it might help bring us together. He told me he was going out of town for business. When I found out my husband called me about five times that night saying he was sorry. I'm pretty sure the other woman didn't know he was calling and apologizing. When I discussed getting a divorce he said I think we just need some time to get over the anger/pain. We've been seperated but my husband makes it known that it would bother him if I went out with someone else. He gets jealous if I look nice and go out with friends. But, he's having an affair! Why would he want to be intimate with me the day before he went on a cruise with another woman? Why doesn't he just say he wants a divorce? Now that I know he's with another woman, I know he's been lying to her. I know why he would lie to me about an affair, but why lie to the other woman?????

Correct me if I am wrong vets...

I think you would call it cake-eating.

cake eating and back up plans.

he wants you available in case things don't work out with ow. or vice versa as well.

why have sex with one woman when you can have it with 2?

mlhb

Take away his safety net. If he want's to walk the rope, let him understand there will be no one there to catch him/. thus he will crash and burn.

He needs to see and understand the full consequence of his horrible choices.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Puppy,

Why would he want to be intimate with me the day before he went on a cruise with another woman?

Why does a dog lick himself?...BECAUSE HE CAN!!

Your WAYWARD HUSBAND is [censored] of the walk! In his mind he is the biggest STUD, PLAYER, and LOVER OF WOMEN since...gosh..well I guess nobody is as cool and suave as he is.

This is such a huge EGO fire that he seems to be feeding.

Plus, being separated, and getting jealous if you go out, while he is enjoying the cake is so selfish, but of course adultery is always about the selfish self-centered self satisfaction of the wayward lowlife.

Now he is on the boat with the other chick calling you to apologize!

I'm sure the reason he moved out was because of the OW. How long ago did he move out?

You have been unknowingly plan Aing him all this time and he took total advantage of it. He is already out of the house...maybe a hard dark plan B would bring him to his senses.

IMHO

kirk

I'm so angry right now. Do spouses usually lie to both the wife and the other woman? I'm sure he's told her that we're over. That's not what he's telling me. Or do they tell the other woman the truth, that he's not sure if he wants a divorce or he's filed (he hasn't). Why so many lies!!!

Hi puppy Sorry you're here chere. I don't blame you for being particularly mortified. He's indulged his own selfish pleasure at your expense both emotionally and financially.

But on a cruise or not....the rules still apply to him. If he won't end the affair right now....in this case get OFF the boat at the next port and fly home.....then I think it's a really perfect time to expose to the other spouse (if there is one) and the other people who are really close to your husband. It ought to be an interesting homecoming.

In the meantime....I hate to bring this up because it's so painful....but please go get tested for STDs and make sure your financial interests are secured. Get an attorney and make sure that's in place before he even gets back.

Read up on Plan A and B and ask lots of questions, and don't forget that the Harley's probably even do phone counseling on boats!

Every WS/FWS I've spoken with are always worried about the BS exacting revenge.

I think maybe he had sex with you the day before the cruise thinking, "That'll hold her over until I get back".

I mean, he's God's gift to women and all...

Very good point about exposure...do as much as you can before they get back, and don't give them any warning. If nothing else, you'll ruin the entire cruise for them, even after it's over.

Thank you for your comments. Kirk I'm sure he thinks he's a stud but the other woman is ugly. She doesn't compare to me at all. I almost think maybe I settled if he can be with a woman that is so unattractive. Maybe I think he looks better than he does if all he can get is her. I mean if your going to cheat then do it right. I don't think she has probably ever had a date except with her husband that she had an affair with before this one. Yes, she's a real winner. Definately one to ruin a marriage over!!!!

Oh yes, yes and YES!!

You would hardly believe some of the lies!

But he would lie to his SOULMATE OW???

You betcha!!

That makes their relationship nothing more than a house of cards that will disintegrate with a strong puff of wind. You can't build a house on a foundation of slushy sludge in the swamp!!

Some people go bottom-feeding (no pun intended) now and then because they are damn near "worshipped" by the troll they lowered themselves to have sex with.

It's like getting an ego boost by beating up a quadraplegic.

Puppy,

The OW in my life was described as road hard and put away wet. I have always thought of myself as UGLY.

When I first got a look at her, by meeting her I almost dropped dead at how UGLY she is. It absolutely floored me.

What I have learned is that people ALWAYS affair down...

Great analogy!!

Thanks everyone. I have a smile on my face. I guess it makes you feel better to slam to other woman or man. But, honestly I think you're right he did affair DOWN!!!! I really wish she could see he was lieing to her. I'm sure she sits there in her fantasy world thinking he tells her the truth all the time. I would love to know if he told her he was calling me 5 times to apologize to me while he was on the cruise. If I know him he probably told her he had to go to the bathroom and then tried to make the call secretly. Because he wouldn't want her to get upset about calling his wife. That just might ruin the trip. I wonder if she realizes why he sneaks away to call his kid? Maybe he's talking to his wife. DUH!!!!!

Puppy, feel free to read my story as you have time. (Link below.)

Your WH is behaving exactly as expected, but you have a very good chance to bring about an end to the A and recover your M anyway.

neak... your link doesn't work... i wanted to read your story as well.

Puppylove,
It sounds like you know who the OW is, or at least have seen her. Do you have a name? If your WH is still on the cruise, why not call the boat and have her paged for a phone call. Im sure they have a way to do that, since emergencies have to come up sometimes. When you get her on the phone, tell her some stuff that will RUIN their little vacation.

I know who the othwer woman is. I have so much stuff to tell her but hey she wouldn't listen to me. She'll listen to my husband who is lieing to her. She wants to believe him so she will. I guess she is OK with being the other woman. That's all she could ever be. I guess when you are desperate for attention you'll take it from a married man with kids!

Update. I spoke to my husband yesterday and he said he loved me and he was going to tell other woman he made a mistake. Funny he just went on a cruise with her! I'm smart enough to know that conversation won't take place. I don't think he ever told her about the phone calls to me during their cruise together. I'm pretty sure he went and secretly made them. I just wish the other woman would have enough guts to call me because then I could let her know that her "soulmate" has been lieing to her the entire affair!!!