But, please let me know if I was insensitive. Do you feel that I over reacted? How do you feel that I should have handled it?
friendnneed - On the contrary, you were being very "sensitive" toward your husband and your marriage.
You did NOT "over react," you reacted appropriately toward your husband's very appropriate openness and honesty TO you.
It is obvious he is a caring sort of person, and people (like this predatory woman) see that and know they can "take advantage" of that. "Caring" people have a difficult time telling someone "no" and it is the one thing that they really struggle with and need to learn how and when to "just say 'no'."
Also, in a marriage, you are his "helpmeet" and "completer." You "compliment" your husband in areas he is "weaker" in, as I am also sure he does with you. As you sometimes need him to be "strong" for you, you were "strong" for him in this time of need.
There are two thoughts you might want to think about concerning this, as they apply to your marriage in all circumstances:
1. Extraordinary Precautions. They PROTECT the MARRIAGE, especially when there has been a past infidelity. It appears that both your and your husband learned that lesson, especially the "openness and honesty" part that leads to transparency and trust building.
2. "You and Me against the World, if necessary." This is YOUR marriage. The death of your husband's best friend, though certainly tragic, is NOT a "reason" to allow inappropriate behavior by ANYONE that interferes with YOUR marriage. That is part of the idea of "leave and cleave" to your spouse, not to anyone else.
You offered the only appropriate help, "call at home, not on cell phone," and the offer was rejected in favor of "whatever SHE wanted to do." Couple that with the obvious and KNOWN opinions that she is a "gold digger" and really only interested in herself, and, if anything, you both took to long to END any relationship with this woman. But you ended it, and THAT is all that matters.
Support your husband, as his Caring nature will likely leave him with FEELINGS of "discomfort," of being some sort of "bad guy," in not being "sensitive enough" to help someone in need. The answer is that "feelings lie" and he DID do what he could, but the BOUNDARY line of "not allowing someone to DO something against him OR the marriage or YOU"
was crossed by this self-centered woman. She will now be "on the prowl" for a FOURTH husband (or at least a 4th "man"). From that alone it would seem that she is a "black widow" type and does not have one clue about what BEING married means.
Congratulations to you and your husband! Well Done!!
As Tyk said;
"This was a test, and it sounds like he passed it." I would add that this was a test that you BOTH passed.
Lessons learned, applied, and made a part of your lives.
A great Success Story of a restored marriage following infidelity and how those lessons have protected your marriage from "future" events.
God bless you and your husband as you continue to cleave to one another.