Yeah, blah blah blah Viking's and blehbetty bleh mascot's. I'm right there with ya. (where is that confarndit rolley eye emoticon, DANG!!!)

Sounds like a nice weekend. Gonna be in the upper 70's round these parts, really good mowing weather, and garden cleaning upping weather. Probably go to the park and have a PICANIC with my DS. Otherwise, all's quiet on the Eastern front, which is nice.

Have a good one, boys!

Man, I hate paper cuts, although I haven't had a bad one for a while. Hope yours doesn't hurt too much. Anyway, good luck with the interview.

Picanic sounds great, SL. The mowing, not so much. Are there bears who will come around and try to steal your picanic basket?

Sounds like some one who has spent to much time at Beaver Stadium or something.

"Alright Boo Boo, you distract the ranger while I grab the pic-a-nic basket."

Dear SCQ,

Did you know that mental health professionals equate the psychological trauma of having one's spouse commit adultery to that of being raped? Think about that. Now think about how much better off our children would be if their father had been in a better state of mind. Look at all the damage you have done. And what did you ever do or even attempt to repair any of the damage? You ran away, and you're still running.

And for what? You break our home and deprive our children of one of their parents for *half* of their lives all so that you can be with a lying, smoking, probable alcoholic. Wow. You must be so proud. What a role model you are. What a small, weak, pathetic person you are. DS8 and DD4 deserve so much better than you as a mother. I continue to hold the door open, offering you a chance to be better than what you have become. I don't know how much longer it will stay open.

SDG

Good thing! Whew, that was a doozy. :eek:

I've had my own lingering thoughts lately; I found myself reciting them out loud while I was mowing today. My neighbors have to be suspecting mental illness at this point. Not many people talk to themselves while mowing...that I know of.

Going out to buy the ever growing boy some new spring/summer stuff. Hopefully you can have a better day now.

Oh, yes. Right after that I went for the most wonderful massage. Now I'm off to DS8's baseball game. The SCQ will be there, but she will keep her distance.


Does this work? Writing them down (or posting them) definitely helps me.

Clothes shopping for small children. . . I'm not genetically adapted for this, but I do it anyway.

"Did you know that mental health professionals equate the psychological trauma of having one's spouse commit adultery to that of being raped? Think about that. Now think about how much better off our children would be if their father had been in a better state of mind. Look at all the damage you have done. And what did you ever do or even attempt to repair any of the damage? You ran away, and you're still running.

And for what? You break our home and deprive our children of one of their parents for *half* of their lives all so that you can be with a lying, smoking, probable alcoholic. Wow. You must be so proud. What a role model you are. What a small, weak, pathetic person you are. DS8 and DD4 deserve so much better than you as a mother. I continue to hold the door open, offering you a chance to be better than what you have become. I don't know how much longer it will stay open."

That was awesome SD! I would love to send something the same to my ex without the open door part. That door closed 3 years ago when I tossed him out. But the rest? oh yea...

mlhb

Got triggered again at the game. Was a nice game--close, exciting, DS8 pitched and did well enough that the coach was joking he would leave him in til his arm fell off. Chatted with other parents.

I was distracted by the fact that I couldn't see my daughter. The SCQ was there, and she set up on a towel far away from me. I wanted to know whether or not she was there without being obvious about it, but by the end of the game it was clear that DD4 was not at the game. It's pretty safe to assume that the SCQ left DD4 with POSOM and his daughters, playing Big Happy Family.

On top of this, I was feeling conspicuous as the only parent leaving the game without a child, so I was a bit bent in the car on the way home. Then I decided to go walk on the beach. It's been a glorious day here--about 75 degrees by the water with a perfect breeze. As I walked there were a few dolphins (not great white sharks, and yes, that was a couple of miles up the coast from where I walk) moving up the coast at about the same pace I was walking, so that was fun. On the way back, there were tons of pelicans fishing, nose-diving down into the water, which is something I could watch all day.

At the end of my walk I ran into my day-care provider going out for her walk, and we chatted for a while. I wanted to but was not compelled to (and ultimately didn't) tell her what the SCQ had done with DD4.

It's excruciating to read, guy, so it's got to be painful, and I'm sorry it is this way. Even though I could use the break, I miss DS every second that he's away, and I'm missing moments of his life, special ones. He lost his first tooth while with PWC the other night. I probably missed a good meltdown today, and something really cute; he's only got so much really cute left, before this little boy phase wears off.

Your walk sounded so beautiful; I'm pea green with envy. When we WOULD go to the Outer Banks (lord only knows when I'll be able to afford that again) I loved to sit up on the deck or dune and watch the dolphins in the morning, with my cupOjoe. It's so soothing, listening to the waves crash and then glide away. Lucky dog!

I watched the movie Lars and the Real Girl. It was a movie well done. In it, Lars asks his brother when he knew he was a man, and his brother said his answer was that it's when you do what's right. You do it, even though it's not easy. You work to provide for your family, you don't cheat on your wife, you do what's right.
I was so surprised to hear those lines in a MOVIE. I often wonder if I'm expecting too much, as if it's ABNORMAL to want a MAN for myself. Seems I'm not the only one who defines manhood as such, so I suppose there's hope.

Anyway, maybe it's TMI, but I felt like sharing.

Thanks, SL. It gets easier all the time to be matter-of-fact about it, which is good, because it is. I'm having a pretty good evening to myself and looking forward to a good day with the kids tomorrow.

Sorry about DS and the tooth. That sucks. Just the kind of things you don't want to miss and are extra sensitive about because we know that it doesn't have to be this way. Sigh.

So sorry to hear about the trigger at the game. My goodness, I've felt that feeling like I'm standing out as an outsider because I'm not taking DDs with me when we leave a concert or game. It's all in my head, though. Who really pays attention?

Honestly, everyone is wrapped up in their own post-game congratulations/sympathy conversations with their own kiddos. No one is watching you to see if you have a kid with you. Many parents get their seperately and leave seperately because of work schedules or the schedules of the other kids.

You ain't that darn special that everyone is watching you.

Take care, sdguy. Keep getting those massages and taking those long peaceful walks (I'm soooo jealous, BTW).

SCQ probably left DD with POSOM as a power play against you, just because she CAN. She would be pretty hurt if YOU didn't bring DD with you when it was your time with her. Selfish, as always, they can only see their RIGHT to do things.

Fox

Wal-Mart + Garanimals = God's gift to single dads on a budget.

DS4 is in T-ball and is the big stud on the team. His last game I didn't have him so he didn't come home with me. I know that feeling, but it is what it is. Nothing we can do about it. I can also identify with the beach walking, except our coast isn't exactly what you would call "solid" so I have to get in a boat when I want to see the porposes and pelicans.

Actually, I don't really have anything to say. It was just nice to read something I can completely identify with, it's been a while since I've been able to do that.

Just wanted you know I'm right there with you.

Take Care Amigo

Hey, thanks for dropping in, BC.

So, I can match colors and actually have some taste about what's pretty and what isn't. Maybe where it falls apart is making sure that things fit just right. I remember that at that age (and this one, come to think of it) I hated trying on clothes, and DS8 is no different, so I basically wing it and hope that what I buy or order fits.


You're right, of course, Fox. It was the 'Who's watching DD4 right now' that really had me frosted. Our custody agreement has a right of refusal for babysitting. The SCQ left her in someone else's care for more than 2 hours, so technically she should have asked me if I wanted to watch her instead, and I thought about calling her on this with a snarky email before letting it go. DD4 almost certainly had a better time at the pool with POSOM's daughters than she would have at the game (recognizing things like this is called "progress," I think).

Had a pretty good time with the kids yesterday given that it was freakishly hot here (at one point, my outdoor thermometer read 99.9 and 2% humidity). Last night I wrote another "Jennifer Special" it-doesn't-have-to-be-this-way card and sent it over with the kid stuff. I'm increasingly ambivalent about them. I wonder whether I'm motivated by the fact that they probably make her uncomfortable?

Oh, well. New week.

Hey SD,

Update????

Update. Okay, it's been a while. Short answer--I'm fine. Nothing much has changed. Had a good four days with the kids, then a good Sunday by myself.

The SCQ was not there when I took the kids over yesterday. Dropoff is officially at noon, but there was no answer when we showed up at 12:10. No TM this time. She showed up maybe five minutes later. Her being late for this kind of thing is now habitual.

I haven't said anything to her about the lateness. I was angry in the moment and in the car ride away from her place, when I had the thoughts running through my head of things to say to her "How many times do you think you can be late receiving the kids before they realize that you care more about POSOM than about them? Or do you suppose they have already figured that out?" but that only lasted for a few minutes. After that I was fine and didn't think about it for the rest of the day.

Months ago, the SCQ and I agreed to work out our own settlement agreement without lawyers. I am confident that this will benefit me in more than just saving legal fees, but it has been proceeding at a snail's pace, and not because I'm stalling it.

We got the house appraisal about three weeks ago and exchanged some ideas at that time. I told her that if she wants me to pay out the whole amount (rather than leave some of her equity in the house), she should drop spousal support. Then it got quiet.

So quiet that in my last "Jennifer Special" card (sent a week ago), I prodded a bit. In the middle of it, I said something like "You may believe that it is too late and that things have gone too far, but they haven't. We are still married. I continue to respect and honor our marriage vows. You can put a stop to this divorce with a phone call and one word to me." I fully expected and half-wanted a hastening of events in response to this (being reminded that she is still married), but there was no response until today, when she emails me telling me she's considering dropping spousal support and asking me if I'll up the payout a bit. I said yes.

I do believe I have fully entered "What gerbil?" territory.

Well, I suppose instead of lunging, you are now at prodding the gerbil. I can understand wanting her to just get this over with, to make a decision once and for all.

You really have done your part. Maybe it's just time to ignore the gerbil all together and get darker. It sounds like the indifference has begun to set in.

I don't even really bother to update anymore. I'm not in Plan B to save a M, I'm in Plan B to head to divorce. It's not even relative to MARRIAGE BUILDING. It's denoument at this point. Who really needs to hear about me gardening and playing baseball with my kid. Oh, one interesting thing. DS has been playing with my wedding band, and he decided to take it out of the house (after I asked him to return it to it's rightful place). Well, this morning I asked him where it got to. He had NO idea. I got a little miffed, and then teary, and then he got teary, and then I talked to him about keeping out of my 'valuables' and then all was well. My dad was getting the mail for me, and lo and behold, there it was, on the ground. Weird, I thought it was gone forever, but that ring refuses to get lost; it's tenacious. I suppose I had hoped my WH would do the same. MEh.

Would you have known I was prodding the gerbil if I hadn't admitted to it? It's pretty subtle. The indifference to her return is definitely setting in, though.


I hear you on this one, SL. It's hard to even try to help out anyone else most of the time, too. I completely understand why Bugsy and LilSis don't come around much anymore.

Egads.. either I'm catching up to you quick Smiley, or maybe since the M was so short I'm just coping faster.

I think I'm getting to much the same place, though I don't think I'd describe what I feel as indifference... but I can totally relate to just wanting a resolution to this feeling that my life is completely up in the air and I'm not the one doing the juggling.

As for the posting updates thing, I can relate here as well. Life is going on, and for the most part it's good and I have very few complaints. Most of the 'trouble' is coming with WW wanting to talk 'business' when she comes to pick up DS. I think I may have thrown a wrench in this last effort at her asking me a favor by telling her to just email me and I'll think about it and get back to her.

She emailed, but it was to basically tell me to nevermind on what she was asking. I didn't respond.


Maybe indifference is a good word.. can you be indifferent and still care? I'm a sucker for paradoxes.

I do.

I root for you all in your personal recovery from adultery every single day. I want to know how you all are and what you are feeling because I am right there with you. I update every week or two both to let the 3-4 people who still look at my thread know how I am doing and to continue to journal my progress as a single man and father. Divorce is certainly not the end of this mess. It takes time, reflection and patience to come to a full awareness and acceptance of what has really happened to your once very happy family. This site still helps with that for me. As do all of the amigos.

As far as I am concerned, I hope you all keep posting until you can walk across the rice paper without tearing it and snatch the pebble from Master Po. Then you can go.

jenus