I'm no lawyer, but I'd make sure you get the title, make sure you are not trespassing, then GET A TOW TRUCK AND GET YOUR CAR BACK AND MOVE ON!

Sorry, it just seems like a great opportunity to take a stand and not let yourself be trod upon!

If I were there I'd help you do it TODAY...

L2F

Amazin:

LaLa was being really nice to you.

I'm not.

Yes, I was the one who advised you to file the return and "screw to WW"

She's boffing another guy and your the bad guy for getting a slightly larger tax refund.

It's wayward entitlement......She was "entitled" to that refund. And her boyfriend. And YOU. And your CAR.

IF you reconcile, than you can amend the return and get the maximum refund possible. And if you don't, then she would have used the money to have dinner with the OM anyway.

Entitlment.

I don't post much to your thread, although I still read it. Because your stuck. You don't want to make a decision. And you want the 5 headed snake to provide different viewpoints.

Then you still do nothing.

So, you don't have to follow my advice, or the advice of others that can make up the 5 headed snake. That's ok. But you have to DO SOMETHING.

MB is about plans. There are differences in pace and style. And this discussion board points them all out. And your working with Jennifer. And that is worth alot more than anything posted here. Just start working the plans. If JH tells you something, don't come here and parse it. Just follow up with it.

Will your marriage be recovered? Maybe.

Will YOU? Definatly. And THAT is the real long term goal of MB. It can include your WW or not. That is UP to HER. She gets on board or not. This stuff works alot better than most anything else out there. But it still relies on the wayward choosing to come home. Sometimes they are so lost it doesn't matter what you do. But you still need to fight for what you think is right. But make the decision and go with it.

Have that confidence in yourself that you are doing the RIGHT thing. Which you are.

LG

It's OK LG... I need a 2x4 now and then. And I know you just want what's best for me.




I definitely feel stuck in a rut. I feel that if I wasn’t in the military I would be less hesitant to make a decision and act on it. It’s the double jeopardy thing that’s holding me back...If I get in trouble out in town, the military can bring me up on charges too. They can order me to pay her support money as well. (It’s up to each command whether or not to do that) I have 3 kids of my own to take care of and I sure as h*ll don’t want to support her financially while she’s got my A$$ over a barrel and she’s screwing someone else.

Another thing that’s holing me back…I really really really don’t want her to get any of my retirement. That would be like salt in my wounds.

I have a strategy to keep her from getting any of my retirement...believe it or not...the professional legal advice I got to keep her from getting any of it was...Do nothing… Make her file...It’s a jurisdiction issue...I’m not a resident of the state that I’m stationed in...The only way that this state can divide my retirement is if I give this state jurisdiction over it… and me filing for divorce does exactly that. (Now that I’ve revealed my legal strategy I feel pretty vulnerable. So expect that this will be gone shortly.)


Right now the only thing I think I can do without sabotaging my legal strategy or getting myself in trouble with the military is Plan B. I’m going there soon. I’m open to other suggestions...But I think I just need to go to plan B.

I was talking to a co-worker today who knows about my situation...The subject of professional goals came up...Jokingly I told him that my professional goal was to retire at my current rank and not to end up in Ft. Leavenworth, KS for beating my wife’s POS boyfriend to death...He laughed ...and the only reason it’s funny is because there is some truth to that...I’ve heard officers say “I’m in my terminal pay grade”

Until you’re out of the military you’re never in your terminal pay grade...YOU CAN ALWAYS GO DOWN!

I talked to a JAG officer today about my situation.

Spousal support...If there’s no civil order in effect it’s up to the command whether or not to make me pay her support money. I’m not too worried about it...I’m pretty sure I won’t be ordered to pay spousal support. Especially since I have 3 kids of my own to support. If she takes me to court… she won’t get any support either… I have a plan for that.

Re-possessing the car...He basically said that I could get in trouble if I take it...even though my name is on the title. Is it really worth it? I’m thinking not...I’m not going to just give her the title though.




I have no doubt I’ll recover… I hope my marriage recovers.

I hope...I do not expect...I have realistic expectations.


Hopefully this has shed some light on my thought process

Yes, please.

I know.... I know....

What's holding you up? Do you have things you still need to put in place, or is it a case of "Yep, I'm going to deliver that letter any day now. But not today. Maybe tomorrow." ?

You're a smart guy. You can see where I'm headed with this.

Well... I think part of it was I was still on the fence about the car...until today...

I had the perfect opportunity to re-possess it today. But I decided to ask a JAG officer about it before I just went and got it... And you’ve obviously read what he said about it...

So to answer your question...

Unless I’m forgetting something... I don’t think there’s anything keeping me from plan B.

Intermediary...
Separate finances...
Plan B letter...

Anything else?

How should I have the letter delivered? I know from watching her interact with her ex that she has no problem throwing letters out from him without looking at them. With that in mind I was thinking of having the letter delivered with some flowers...I know it sounds stupid.... but I was just thinking it would ensure it got there...

Or maybe just sending it certified mail.... Any suggestions?

My brother and I went to get a car back from his then wayward wife who was living in her own apartment. We got the key from the dealer, since they had a record of it. There are not an unlimited number of keys floating around for any given car. Depending on model, you might be able to get one made without having one to use for a sample. I know that some keys have to be activated before they start the newer cars and in most cases, that requires that you have at least one working key.

Though it would take longer, you could always get your lawyer to file to get the car returned to you, since I assume it is in your name. You could try to negotiate to get it back simply using the argument that she no longer requires the car, but she isn't likely to give it up.

But you could also just tell her that you will no longer supply a car for her boyfriend to drive and that you want it back. If it is in your name, get the title, get a lawyer to contact the police and go get the car. No shouting by you, no arguing about it, simply get the car and leave.

You have done Plan A and it had no effect on her wayward state or on her state of mind or on her way of rubbing your face in her affair. A love buster right now will not matter one single bit, especially since taking the car back is not on the "approved list" of love busters.

The night my brother and I went to get the car, we rolled into the parking lot on the dead end street and eased into a parking space backwards. Because the neighborhood was a quiet closely knit type, we were certain that the cops were already being called due to the strange car in the lot with the motor running.

I slowly made my way to the car, which was of course parked about 10 feet from her door, opened the door with the key provided by the dealer, slid behind the wheel and stuck the key in the ignition. I turned it...I tried to turn it...It wouldn't turn!

The dealer had transposed two digits when calling the locksmith with the number and the key wouldn't work.

So the next night we went back with a new key and tried again. I opened the door, stuck the key in the ignition and turned it...<click...click...click> The battery was dead!

I motioned to my brother who came on a run and we pushed the car back a few feet and I popped the clutch. To my dismay it was almost out of gas and we had to stop a couple blocks away to put gas in it. By the time we got to his place, she had already left three angry messages on his answering machine.

The cops came by and we showed them the title. They said "OK. Thanks. Sorry to bother you" and left. As we sat drinking our beer on his sofa, she called three more times, but we just listened to her ranting on the machine and laughed half the night...

Mark

I called the dealership... It's one of those keys that has to be activated. I don't need one working key to get another made... But they did say that I would have to have the car towed to the dealership for them to do it. It's $20 for the key and $80 to activate it.

I've thought about the car... It's worth about $6500 - $7000. I thought about getting the car and just selling it. I could sure use the money to pay off some bills like my kids braces.

However... I already have 3 cars in my driveway... If I end up in divorce court I'm sure selling off marital assets wouldn't bode well for my argument. If she's got a car worth 7000 that's 7000 in assets that I won't have to pony up when and if I have to pay the piper.

I'm not totaly against re-posessing it... I'm just seeing that the cons are out weiging the pros right now.

And besides... She really wants the title so that she can register it in this state... She can't find the registration and she told me that she can't register it until she gets a title. And I have it. She may not be able to use it until I give her a title... Or at the least... It's a pain in her [censored] to get it registerd here...

What I'm hearing is... "I can use the car to make life difficult for her"...as opposed to..."I can take back what is mine and remove this thorn from my side.

See the difference? The first is your worrying about how she will react, and how difficult it will be for her to deal with. The focus is on her...

The second is acting from a position of doing what's in your best interests. Repo'ing the car removes a source of pain for you. It returns to you something that has been taken from you.

The first does nothing positive, the second moves you forward, both personally and financially.

As for how it would be perceived in court...come on. Your WW has a car, and this one is now being used in support of her A. Any lawyer worth their salt would use that to your advantage.

Even using foggy Plan C logic, I don't see the benefit of NOT reclaiming your car...

Well here's something for you to talk with your contact with JAG

There is a liability to the owner of the car when his car is in an accident with someone else at the wheel. Especially if OM is at fault and the claimants can't get relief from him, they can and WILL come after you.

So ask him how you sever that liability.

That topic came up when I called him... We didn't really go into detail about it...

Here’s the thing about JAG officers... unless they're a reservist who works in the civilian world as a Lawyer.... the vast majority of them have very little practical, or courtroom experience. And next to none of them have family/civil law experience.

It’s not like the TV show...They’re main purpose is to protect the government. Their days are mostly boring. So I haven’t put a lot of weight on the advice he gave me on civil matters... I.E. taking the car back...

There is a liability issue for sure... I would be better served asking a civil lawyer about it.

The main reason I called the JAG yesterday was because I wanted to know if there was a Navy regulation or requirement for me to pay support money to my wife...

L2F,

I hear what you're saying... It's a boundary issue... She's crossed another boundary of mine by letting her boyfriend drive my car.

By taking the car ... I'm not taking a car back... I’m taking a boundary back and keeping her from trespassing on my property...


In order to prove that he’s using the car in court I’d have to get a P.I. I’m not wasting my money on that. You know as well as I do when it comes to court she's going to act like the victim and be spewing lies the whole time. The car her dad gave her... is probably still in her dads name... when it comes to splitting marital assets no lawyer can defend... He’s got 4 cars in his driveway.... you have one... and it’s your fathers...

Then let the car go to her. Sign the title over to her with a "Bill of Sale" for a token amount but also showing the value of the car. Then when it comes to dividing assets, she really does have a car worth $$$ that you basically GAVE to her. She will have to pay a gift tax in order to get the car registered and retitled in her name. It releases you from all obligation or duty concerning the car. It's on her if OM wrecks it or injures anyone.

Meggy = genius !

Funny..... Before I found MB that's what I told her I was going to do anyway....


LOL...

Well... I prayed and thought and asked for advice and prayed some more about that damn car....

I tried to repossess it today... the tow truck driver got caught in the act and the police showed up.

I’m so pissed right now... and I’m sure she's smiling like a cheesier cat.


RRRRGGGGG!!!!

Thanks L2F,

I'm taking my girls out to shop in a few minutes...

We're going to a place called Zerns... It's like a big indoor flea market... Kinda...

I've got things to do this weekend... mostly stuff around the house... And I'm going to make my kids taco's for dinner... maybe watch a movie with them.

Some of my happiest memories in recent years revolve around such activities...enjoy!!

I made taco's for dinner. Then we all went to the movies... Just not the same ones...LOL

My son and I went to Iron Man and my daughters went to see "What Happens in Vegas" and Baby Mama".

Iron man was pretty good, nothing vulger, pure comic book science fiction.