No, I've always put my H ahead of everyone else. But, I have been telling my mom everything about what is going on. She has been the best supporter I could ever have. I see what your saying though. If H and I reconcile, then my mom would have issues with him. Actually, she already does. She is of the mind that only low life scum leave their pregnant wives.

Just imagine if one your daughters was telling you that her husband was doing and saying the things that your WH is. You would want to kill the guy for hurting your daughter like that. I don't think it matters how old we are, we will always be our mothers little girl.

If you do stay married it will be harder for your mom to forgive your WH than you.

Look to your mom for support, but don't tell her all the gory details. Do you have a girlfriend that you could vent to? This will sound harsh, but you can always get a new girlfriend if they can't forgive your WH, but you only have one mom. You need to help protect her from your WH's crap or it can damage your relationship with your mom.

My mom was my best friend until my H and I went through our mess, now I hardly talk to my mom and she never comes to my house. She was my best supporter during our hard times.

I'm sorry I know that has to be hard. I will take your advice to heart. I don't want to lose my mom if my WH and I reconcile...which I don't think is completely hopeless anymore. My mom is great and losing her and gaining back my H is something that I don't even want to think about. Time to start sweet talkin' the H to the mom again!

"She is of the mind that only low life scum leave their pregnant wives."

Might be a generational thing, I'm of the same mind.

Well I'm not exactly happy about it. He definitely could have chosen better timing....like NOT AT ALL. But, I can't control what he does.

Though he would probably be a far better person if I could.... hahaha

Well, don't fret. Our expectant BS's have done quite well.

I actually feel pretty fabulous today, even though all that crap went on. This is the first day that I've put makeup on and felt pretty again. I KNOW that I'm going to be okay, no matter what happens. I KNOW that I have great friends and family and I KNOW that my babies love me no matter what.

It's my WH who gets the crap end of the deal by not being with them everyday. By having to tell them that Momma and Daddy can't live together. By having to hear them tell me that they don't want to go or they don't want me to go. By having to hear DD5 say, "I want to hang out with my Momma and my Daddy, together!". He is the one who will lose out in the end, not me.

-A-

I must say that I was very upset when WH told DD5 that Mommy and Daddy can't live together anymore. That really did hurt. I spoke with his mother today and she just kept saying, he needs to go home to his wife instead of being here. He knows it too, but he's being stubborn. She just keeps saying that she and his dad think he will wake up and want to come home. His dad has been saying this from the start. When I told her that he said he didn't think of me in a sexual way anymore, she rolled her eyes and said, "[censored], he is only trying to convince himself of that". At least she agrees

I had fun going out tonight. I went by the in-laws house on the way home and my WH's car wasn't there. I called him and told him that if he wasn't going to be there with the girls (his mom was there, they weren't alone) then I would just come pick them up since I missed them. He said that he would be going back soon. I (of course over-reacting)got upset (but this was after I got off the phone) thinking that he was over at a certain friends house (this friend lives with a chick that my WH cheated on me with). I cried and prayed and he called me back within 3 minutes telling me that he was on his way back to his parents (he still doesn't call it home) and that I didn't have anything to worry about.

Seriously, it seems obvious that this man DOES love me. Obvious to everyone but him. He called me back so quickly and we talked about stupid, everyday stuff. He asked my opinions on things and thanked me profusely for having all three girls hang out with him today. He even told me where he was (he wasn't at that friends house thank goodness!) and why he went without me even asking. *sigh* From his actions, it seems that he really does care and love me. Why can't HE see that?

Oh yeah...checked the OW's myspace page. LOL her mood is 'betrayed'...hmmm wonder what that has to do with? It made me happy to see however :-)

It is great that you have supportive in-laws, but keep in mind that your WH is their son.

I'm glad you had fun going out, but if you had him wondering where you were and what you were doing, he stopped wondering as soon as you called him.

I know it is hard to refrain from calling hime and I remember feeling like a drunk dialer during my hard times. I remember trying to come up with any little reason to call and sleeping with my phone on next to me just in case he called. This has got to be so much harder for you with all the pregnancy hormones.

But it really does sound to me like he does love you and he is the typical wayward in the fog, it also sounds like he is trying to get his act together. You've been doing great, just keep being supportive of the good things he does. And you are very right to watch his actions, not his words.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you also! We just returned home from a wooonderful lunch with the in-laws. I'm completely stuffed and ready for a nap! DD12 slammed DD5's arm in the car door, so she is all pitiful and stuff. Her poor little arm is bruised, but not broken, thank goodness! She is currently watching cartoons and munching on a popsicle...and she seems fine. Oh, the resiliency of youth!

Ouch! My 6 year old got her hand slammed in a van door a few weeks ago. I felt so bad for her, she was crying and looked at me through her tears and said "Mom you don't know how bad it hurts" I told her "Baby I know it hurts worse than anything ever" I think me confirming that her pain was real helped her feel better. She was perfectly fine within 2 days, the young do heal so fast.

I'm glad to hear you had a nice lunch. I'm on the west coast so it's not even lunch time here yet.

I just read a thread from Schoolbus "Schoolbus info tread- body language, memory, etc." Wow it has some great ideas on how you can help rebuild your intimate connection with your WH. It is really great. You must read it!

I read that thread and it was wonderful! Hopefully, I will get the chance to apply some of those on my WH. I spoke with him earlier and we had this whole convo about a certain video game (yeah we are both video game lovers) and he said that he wanted to bring it over here to show to me. Of course, the fact that his expensive TV and surround sound is here is the main reason, I'm sure! :-) But, it was still a nice conversation.

Oh! While at lunch today, MIL talks about how WH can't call her house his home, because he knows where his home is and it isn't there. She says that he needs to go home and he knows that, but he is stubborn and wants to do things his own way. Basically, being humble, asking forgiveness, and agreeing to all my terms would be a problem for him. I know this too. But, until he gets to that point, I don't want him here anyway.

DD5 is already asking to play on the pc, she is tired of being babied and lying around. Apparently, her arm is fine now. LOL, I wish I could get over things that quickly! :-)

Does WD from the affair/affair partner last a specific period of time or does it vary with each individual. I really think that my WH is no longer speaking with the OW, as he is calling me a lot and when she was around, I would rarely hear from him. So, I was curious about the WD phase. Of course, he would have to get over his stubbornness which could take forever...but I just want him to WAKE UP and snap out of this crazy wayward fog crap!

I think I have read that withdrawal usually lasts from 3 weeks to 6 months once NC is established.

As far as the stubbornness goes, who knows. Pride and stubbornness would have kept me and my H apart, but we have a good friend that told me how she believed that pride was what caused her parents to never get back together. My H and I could really relate to them and made a concerted effort to not let our pride get in the way of our marriage.

I tried to hide my upset over this, but I can't do it. Went to in laws house because I got a baby bassinet and other baby items, including a monitor where I can hear the heartbeat. My WH was on the pc and watching television. He was so unbelievable UNexcited and UNcaring about the baby stuff, it was excrutiating to me. My MIL and all three daughters were so happy and excited to hear the heartbeat, but WH only said, "I can hear it". It's hard for me not to be upset over that. I had to leave so that I wouldn't show how it hurt. I can't believe he could be so cold to his own flesh and blood.

I know that you guys have heard all of this before, but I still need to get it out somewhere. I feel bad, like I'm saying the same things over and over again and everyone (you posters here too) are tired of hearing it....but if I don't spill it somewhere, the venom will come spewing out.

Oh, Ayane, I'm so sorry. Hubby is really out there..........

Personally, I would put him on the back burner (NOT LITERALLY, don't get carried away) and make a good life for you and your children. In fact, I would be very much less available.

That must have really hurt. But we've seen it before, and they do change back.

Oh sweetie, don't worry about saying things over and over, that is what is great about this place, there are so many people who have been where you are and understand how you feel.

As for WH not getting excited about the baby stuff, try not to let it get it to you. I have seen men who are very happy to be having a baby not get excited about all the baby stuff.

Hang in there!

That's what I'm trying to do, but I really enjoy speaking with him. We could always talk and play off of each other and we still can. But, I suppose if I'm not at his beck and call (that always reminds me of Pretty Woman "I'd love to be your beck and call girl LOL) he will start wondering more. Blah, I hate feeling like I'm playing games though.

On a good note....I should find out about that job tomorrow, yay! If I don't get it (which I don't see why I wouldn't, they hire just about anyone) then I'll start scouting for a new one :-)

I'm having a bad morning. I had dreams about my WH all night and the last one really stuck with me. In it, he was moving away to a foreign country to go to school and everytime myself or the children tried to speak with him, it was like we were invisible. He couldn't see or hear us.

That's how I feel. That nothing I say or do matters, except to push him further away. I just want to run home to my family, but I can't do that at the moment. I just get discouraged and think, what's the point? Nothing matters to him but what HE wants, so why do I even care or try? I know that I can't expect things to change overnight, but I guess I expect to see something .

Yeah, I'm down today. I just don't know what to do. I am working on me, but that just doesn't seem to be enough, right now.