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happy mother's day to you as well not2.
i know your question was rhetorical but i feel all those "c's" apply to here as well..
plan C: plan CHOICE to step it up a notch, to stop accepting CRUMBS, to stop being treated like a second class citizen, to stop taking the biggest C of all: his CRAP!
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Quick question for everyone.....
I didn't want to post this on my thread since we all know who is watching it....(and I don't think he watches what I reply to everyone else...so....)
I sent WS the plan B letter....should I be sending a copy of it to the BOW?? That was done in SAA....but I am unsure if I should do it...I mean I will...I could really care less what she thinks one way or the other....but just wanted to know the general feelings on this???
not2fun
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Gosh--I'm no expert on this, but my first instinct is NO WAY!! If he is maintaining NC with her for REAL...why would you tip your hand to her that you are currently "out of the picture."
I could be totally off base...
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he is NOT maintaining no contact. they just had contact on mr. and mrs. not2's vaca last week! and he was in contact with her before the vaca as well.
if they did it in the book, i would do it then. why not?
i understand your fear of plan B. BUT, if it takes so long for him to come around to truly wanting the marriage that you have fallen out of love for him by then i think that speaks VOLUMES. and, if he never comes around to your terms, that speaks volumes as well. you do NOT want the man he is now anyway. and the man he is now, well, maybe that is the man he TRULY is.
the way my ex is now and has been for the past several years, i truly believe that is the man he truly is and that the man i married was a charade, a fake.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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I don't see why not either....I am thinking she should know that I am the one doing this, not him committing to her.
On other question.....what about sendng a copy to her H?? Let him know what is going on????
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i would, why not?
send one to her and her h.
do you have an intermediary? you need someone who can relay messages between the 2 of you about he kids and such.
plan B means plan B means no contact.
do you have all of that in place?
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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yes....the Int. will be informed this morning about what went down. She's known all along...at first I wasn't going to use her, but I have changed my mind. She's told me just let me know when I am there.
There is only one other thing to take care of, but I do not want to discuss it here on the boards. Sorry, but with WS reading, not wanting to go into it.....
not trying to play any games, but the rules have changed slightly for me since WS is here.....just another regret for me....oh well...
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Not2:
GREAT WORK, MY FRIEND!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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sent copies to both BOW and her H. Wanted to let her H know what was going on on our end so he won't get blindsided if they decide to "try" again....and wanted her to know that I let HIM go not the other way around. No sense in letting her think he has chosen her and not me......
anyway....Plan C....no more.....
not2fun
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good for you!
stay strong. come here when you feel weak.
stick to your guns girl.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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bump for those of us who are still learning
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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This thread is so true it makes me sick. Crazy how we act when we don't know any better. Thanks for the post but not the bad memories. Ugh. =)
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We get to learn from our mistakes.... don't we
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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My Plan C was thinking (first mistake), that my WH was somehow different than the rest, not as cruel, not as despicable, not as messed up.
I was wrong. Does everyone do that??? I would always look ahead and think "we are different" We had such a good relationship, he is so smart, he is so driven blah blah blah blah. This morning I said that I was constantly amazed at how true to the "pattern" we stayed & we are just like everyone else!!! He told me it drove him crazy when I said things like that. (I have to remember that)all sitches are different & someone else couldn't know ours. I said they've hit it so far. He said Oh, so I guess YOU know how this is going to turn out?? I told him I didn't know the future or how we will react to it, but I knew that he had to go & that the chances of he & HW running away & living happily ever after were pretty slim. I am sort of glad to know there is a name for my condition though! Ha Ha Ha I'm still working on the cure.
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Plan C is .....
Plan Chicken...to do what you KNOW needs to be done, but are too AFRAID to do it....
Plan Crap....the muck and mess that WS have BS in daily
Plan Controlling....for that is what the WS are desperately trying to do with the sitch they created
Plan Constipation....just kidding....
not2fun
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Plan Constipation....just kidding.... Not, Why do you think it isn't so? All kidding aside... If you follow Plan C, before long you're full of crap, too.  Mark
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For me right now Plan C is "Crap, I might have been able to prevent it from becoming sexual if I hadn't been in Plan Chickensh*t) and not followed my gut instincts."
Otherwise known as Plan Chucklehead...
I am truly struggling with this.
If I had confronted RB instead of not, because WW asked me not to, maybe...
If I had exposed to MIL sooner, maybe...
If I had taken my son and left her alone when I felt I should, maybe...
If I just wasn't in plan C...
Maybe I wouldn't currently be in Plan Crushed.
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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YOU are not to blame for HER choices.
do YOU really think that you could have stopped her?
don't do that to yourself.
she has to own her choices not you.
it sucks and it is plan CRAP, but she did what she did and there is NOTHING you could have done to stop it.
STOP being so hard on yourself. YOU did nothing wrong SHE did.
the WHATIFS will drive you insane especially when the bottom line is that they do not matter because she had her mind set on an affair and it was happening no matter what you might have tried to do.
PLEASE do NOT blame yourself. YOU are not to blame.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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wow, i just read your sig line. you two got together when she was only 18 and you were 30?
i am wondering if the age difference is playing any part in anything. that is quite a difference when she was only 18. i am NOT making excuses for her, but am curious, was OM closer to her age? Were you her one and only? She was so young, she never really got to be out there and "sew her oats" so to speak...
i am just thinking out loud and again, it is NO EXCUSE FOR HER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.. but didn't that thought ever cross your mind when you got involved with someone so young?
no offense to you at all but my sister is only 19 and i would KILL her if she was involved with a 30 year old! that is if my father didn't get to her and the guy first.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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He was pretty close to my age.
Yes, she was young, but ours was a long honorable courtship. We took our time, and the age thing never was an issue for us. Our love and commitment to each other was truly a pure and righteous bond. Ours really was an absolute fairytale romance. It continued as such for 8 years. I thought it was still that way, but have come to find out that she for some reason withdrew and shut me out. It was then that she decided that she wanted to "feel connected" with someone else. The rest as they say is history.
This is part of what pains me so. That she did not fall unknowingly into this. She put herself out there, and when this Dbag picked up on her signals, she was off with aboandon and wanton disregard for everything in her life that I thought she held sacred, even our young son for G*D sakes.
She didn't just end up in the fog by happenstance, she chose it with sobriety and malice. I will never understand how she came to be so hurtful, or what I possibly did to deserve this most hoorendus of all betrayals. She knew at the time that I was trying to protect her. From him and herself, but she chose to proceed to F-ing him nonetheless.
It is incomprehensible to me. Now she tells me she loves me, that she will never do this again, but forgive me if that rings hollow for me at this point. I will try to make the best of the situation and I hope that one day I will FEEL close to her again, but today, this morning, it seems unlikely...
Sorry for the major T/J...
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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