Krazy, are you trying to piss off a lot of people here? I think you are starting to go too far and frankly I will personally ask the mods to edit you.

I'm not trying to blow sunshine up your skirt.

I will NOT ever say anything about that part of my life other than it was the hardest thing I EVER had to go through.

I WILL tell you that it was worth it FOR ME.

Every nightmare that I had and STILL have, every ache and every pain and every bit of it...

WAS

WORTH

IT

FOR

ME.

I don't think we need to digress on this thread regarding the paternity of Jesus.

Abortion is not an option for him, so there is no need to debate that either.

All we can do is offer him support.

There are very different approaches to this by men and women. I think women are a lot more open to raising other children than men are. It's biology. There are obvious exceptions.

Step kids, for example, are that way up front and you know as a dad that it comes with the package you're marrying.

Having a child thrust on you that's the product of infidelity? Totally new situation.

That was not a decision he asked for and I think that there is an instinctually biological rejection of the idea by most men.

From a strictly biological standpoint a female is happy to have a provider male care for her children regardless of paternity. A male wants to be with a female who will provide him with children that are his and he's happy to provide for HIS children.

Not worth the effort to put in the work and resources to raise children that aren't his.

That's simple biology and we see it in the animal kindgom and in people.

It sucks because no option in front of him is good. Divorce means splitting up the family and access to his children. Adopting the child means dealing with a walking and talking reminder of infidelity for years afterwards.

Abortion is not an option.

Keeping child and contacting OM to have him pay for CS means dealing with OM for the next 18 years.

This just sucks all around.

No one can blame you for the choice you make because there are no good choices. Adoption seems like the best one, but there would need to be an agreement with the wife that it will never, ever be held against you or that guilt would be dumped on you for that choice.

I don't see it as disrespect. It's like recounting details of the A when talking to my W.

She may not like to hear it and she may get upset or angry, but facts are facts. Don't like it? Shouldn't have done it.

Maybe it could be an open adoption. That is a lot more common these days. She could still visit her child and be like an "aunt" to it while RB wouldn't have to see it.

Too far? How?

Facts are facts.

Just because you don't want to hear them, doesn't make them any less true.

I will stop out of respect to RB65, but not because what I say is inaccurate. It isn't.

MEDC,

With all due respect, and I think you know I mean that, I don't think Krazy needs editing. Ugly subjects lead to ugly discussions. Also, keep in mind that had some of the other posters not tried to belittle the beliefs of others by declaring their moral superiority, then Krazy would have never responded "in kind".

Given Krazy's 1st hand experience of what rb65 was dealing with originally, (prior to the pregnancy being known) his state of mind is very beneficial to this discussion, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Honestly, this whole situation is "uncomfortable".

Claiming Mary was a WW just because Jesus was supposedly conceived without man is not a fact, it is inaccurate, and it is offensive to many Christians. Mary didn't choose to have God's child, it was thrust upon her. Just drop the analogy, and don't say, "Even Jesus would have a problem raising another man's child."

I disagree. I feel that Krazy offers some valid insight into this situation and that can be accomplished without fanning anti- Christian flames.

I said what I said myrev and krazy because your posts in my opinion were over the top to a man facing a betrayed's worst fears. Telling him how horrid it is will not help. Telling him *you* could never raise OM's child does not help. Krazy saying Jesus himself would have trouble raising OM's child is not helpful.

What is helpful is to call out to other posters who have BTDT and have the tshirt. We do have other posters on MB that have been in his shoes. Both BH's raising the OM's child and BW's, like Kimmy, raising the OW's children.

I apologize for letting my anger get the best of me but when I see someone like RB lost, confused and HURT over a situation that may end up being a BLESSING for him I tend to let my emotions speak.

BTW, MyREV, I didn't in any way speak scripture to you. I was speaking to Krazy about his own statement.

MEDC, I like and respect you and your POV even when we disagree.

BTW, those of you who have not faced this situation. It hurts like the dickens to have your beloved spouse have someone else's child but it does not have to be the end of the marriage. Why do you think so many of us with OC situations don't post on MB much anymore? Why do you think the p/c board is so slow? Because those of us that choose to remain in the M are not supported. Often we are called weak, the men called cuckold. Truly many of us are strong and determined to stay true to our beliefs.

ok, folks, lets stay away from the bible bashing and keep this respectful and helpful to RunningBoy. We don't want to have to lock the thread. Thanks.

I apologize for not keeping in the spirit of the topic.

So I guess the difference here is that because this child is a result of adultery, it's beyond reason to consider raising him/her as his own?

What about the child who loses his parents to an automobile accident and is shipped off to live with family friends because no other relatives are available? Where were the choices in that? What about the child who's dad is on death row and his mom is dead? His sperm donor is undoubtably a louse, but what does that make the child?

I agree with some others here. Make no immediate decisions (including informing OM or OMW). FF is correct, in the eyes of the law, that child is yours. Once you open the door to OM, it can't be closed.

As for a man choosing to be a "daddy" to a child in these circumstances... I personally think it takes a very STRONG man to step up to that plate.

Hope this thread does not get locked. I know two similar scenarios of BH raising OC - positive experiences. Just dont have the bandwidth to write it down.

Right now both RB and his wife are under incredible stress not unlike PTSD. I cannot even imagine the pain, confusion, anxiety and of course his wife's remorse right now. What a mess.

Locking the thread would be an incredible disservice to RB.

I don't think anyone here has been so bold as to tell RB what to do, many have offered different opinions and perspectives based on thier experience and the fact that there is such a diverse range of opinions highlights the difficulty of RB's situation.

IMO, it is in his best interests to hear the diversity of opinion, as it should help him consider all facets of the situation and will hopefully give him perspectives that he may not have considered otherwise. RB is here for advice, everyone should allow him to recieve it, even if they disagree with it.

Many of us were very close to being where RB is now, and are not only through pure luck. Just because we haven't been exactly right where RB is does not mean we cannot imagine it, nor does it de facto discredit our opinions. Many of us know how difficult marital recovery is in the wake of infidelity, and know that adding complications to an already difficult situation is not likely to make things easier.

*****EDIT*******

I never said it WOULD be a blessing, I said it "may" be. You see a child is a child. It is not the child's fault. I know personally two BH's that love their OC as much or more than their COM. I accept that you could not do this, Krazy. But please do not make RB feel like less of a man if he choses to stay married and raise this child.

According to YOU.

I will not make him feel like less of a man. I hope he doesn't put that much stock into what I say.

Unless he has mastered the art of self-deception, as so many others have, he will feel like less of a man all on his own...with a little help from WW, OM, and OC, of course.

This is my opinion. Not a statement of fact.

I just wanted to repost what Mel said here...


RB has already demonstrated his strength and good moral character.

He will not be less strong no matter what he decides.