I don't know about the divorce issue, my H filed divorce right away when he left.

Reading about your WH's past affair with your best friend and now another affair, I'm so sorry, but from what you have said about him I am wondering why you want to stay with him.

You have mentioned all his friends are pot heads, it sounds like he doesn't have a job, and he cheated on you with your best friend, and now with a 19 year old.

Have you considered going to individual counseling to help you heal and work on yourself. I have been going for about a month now and it really has helped me. It's also nice just to know you have a scheduled time to go and cry and deal with all the crap.

When I think about all the things that have happened, I don't know why I want to be with him. Other than the fact that, from the beginning it felt like he was my other half and he felt the same way. Of course, he says that he doesn't now. I don't know CLIG, I go back and forth between thinking that we could work this out and thinking that I would be better off without him. I don't know if it's just that I have attached myself to him so deeply and now my pride along with my heart is hurting, so I don't want to let go. I have no idea.

He does have a job, just not a great one. He just needs to grow up and act like a man. *sigh* That is what I get for marrying someone younger than me I suppose. Who knows?

I've gone to one session of individual counseling. I need to go to more. She wants to help me get through the stages of grief because something like this is like a death.

I had an epiphany!!

I was sitting here thinking about things and all of sudden everything came together in my head. I'm OKAY, really, truly okay. I mean, I'm still going to have my good days and bad days, but I'm already stronger and doing okay and will only get better.

I really had forgotten what a strong fabulous person I really am. It's been a very long time since I've actually realized that. My friends have tried to tell me (my best friend tells me that when she thinks of me, she thinks of my name in huge, glittery letters with an exclamation point because I'm such a vital person) but I haven't believed them. So, I guess in a way I have to thank my crazy WH for me finding myself again. I lost someone who doesn't love me and can't see me how I really am and I've gained someone even better - myself!

I've been fighting this whole thing because of my pride and because of my children AND because I kept hoping that I would see the man I married and commited my life to, instead of a stranger looking at me out of familiar eyes. However, this stranger isn't WORTH my time, my heartache, my emotions. He is someone that I don't know and why should I even care what he does? My children will even be better off without this person if that is who he continues to be. I just know that I can't go back and wouldn't go back to the way that it was. My kids and I DESERVE so much more!

I thought that my hurt would last for months and months and years. Of course, I'm still going to have times where my heart breaks all over again, but I have to remember how I feel and what I know right now. I'M OKAY, MY KIDS ARE OKAY, and we will be the ones who come out ahead in this. *sigh* Don't let me forget it

Really glad to hear it, Ayane. Best of luck.

Thanks, CP, I appreciate it. Hopefully, this feeling of contentment will last.

Ayane, stay busy. There will be lots of ups and downs, but do things that will increase your satisfaction and self-esteem, no matter how things are going with hubby.

I'm definitely trying to do that. I've just been so tired lately. I was so stressed and barely sleeping for so long, that now I think my body is worn down and I'm constantly tired! I do feel less stressed though and that is nice.

Things aren't going to go well with my WH until he realizes that everything I say isn't to break his spirit or hurt him because I'm hurt. Who knows when that will be. Leave it to him to make himself out to be the victim. He's been doing that for years.

Of course you are tired. Who wouldn't be? This stuff is draining as it is, and you have 3 kids and one on the way.

Do your kids have chores and help around the house? That is what I would concentrate on. Get your home warm and welcoming, get it organized, get everyone pitching in. You will be even more tired when baby comes.

Put thoughts of hubby on the back burner. Remember, he will start treating OW the same way. The affair will end, and then he will want to come back. In the meantime, work on the little things.

Took my daughters out to dinner and DD12 made sure to tell me that the OW called while they were at the house. *sigh* I don't want to know these things.

Ayane, your D12 is old enough to understand that. Be careful of parentifying them, but you can tell her it's painful for you to hear about the OW. She'll get it.

Are you exercising? It's a good natural way to feel better when you're pregnant.

While cleaning out around the house today, I came across a card from Valentine's Day of this year. Talk about a trigger! I cried and sobbed....*sigh* it was pitiful. It's amazing how things change in just a few months time. We seemed so happy then...at least I thought we were. He hadn't started that job...the one where he met the OW, so he didn't even know her. Today is just a blah day.

So sorry you saw that. I packed all of that stuff away. It was just too painful to look at. Just a couple weeks before the affair started, my hubby had written me a long love letter.

The affair changed all of that.

Found out today that my WH is now hanging out as "friends" with the person that he cheated on me with before.

I've also decided to move back to my hometown, about 350 miles away. I need to be away from all of this so that every time I start to feel good about myself, he doesn't do something to prove to me just how worthless he thinks I am. I just want to be far, far away from all of this.

I'm sorry that you are hurting. But, do you really think moving is the right thing to do? That is a long way away and would make it very hard for your children to see their dad. It would be almost impossible for your unborn son to ever bond with his dad. What about your oldest two, is there dad around?

The oldest two....their dad lives where I would be moving so they would be able to see him a lot. Honestly, with the youngest, I don't think my WH even cares if they bond with him or not. At least right now. He will regret it later, I'm sure, but now he doesn't care.

Last night he spoke with his dad and when FIL mentioned that he (WH) had gotten what he wanted since we were moving, WH replied, "whatever, we'll see." He really doesn't think that we will go and I think that will be the best thing. He needs to know that I'm getting on with my life and not waiting around for him. Right now he thinks, oh she is just down the street and not seeing anyone because she wants to save the marriage. Well, right now, HE'S wrong. I think too much has happened for the relationship to be saved now. I just want to be happy again and not have to worry about feeling disrespected at every turn.

You need to get a PLAN. And then you need to stick to it.

You are thrashing around like a fish out of water. Time to realize your worth as a woman and act instead of reacting.

I am in full fledged, dark Plan B now and I plan on staying there.

Depression has set in. Even my best friend is disgusted with my thought process and actions. I can't say that I blame her.

I've read most of the posts in this thread. Boy can I relate to all of this as I'm sure most can. I kept thinking while reading that one thing I've noticed with my H, is when I started moving on, or NOT so easily accessiable (spelling) he started to take notice. He has left came back, almost left, but always came back weather I wanted it or not. The last time he left, (wasn't for very long, hard to know if we even break up, I guess depends what HE is doing on that day) when he was depressed and wanted to come back (talked via MSN, no phone or seeing and that was for Need to stuff) and I said NO, and held my ground, it really messed him up bad. He told friends of ours that he just didn't understand, I always let him come back when he wanted, they had not seen him like that before. I got bullied into it, got the usual lines, and again, he wanted to leave (his guilt because I found out about his affair with his ex wife) When we start working on ourselves, NOT running to there every whim, and they see the growth in us, that we are moving on, they don't like that. Give lots of thought, (but not into the crazies, you've been there enough) make sure that it is not rash decision. What I am going to start to do again, and continue on with, is working on me, growth in me, so it won't matter if we are together or not, I have to live with me, therefore, I better like living with me. Also, your pregnant, extra emotions.

Sounds like your husband actually cares about you. Mine DOES NOT.

Unfortunately, I seem to be a glutton for punishment and pick extremely unstable men or something. OW knows that he hasn't filed for D so he is all gung ho about doing it. He knows that we are moving, but doesn't care. He won't be able to see and bond with his children because he has a POS car so he is giving up everything that he cared about JUST SO HE CAN GET ME OUT OF HIS LIFE. That is how much he despises me. It's really sad.