WH sent email stating how he didn't want us to move and that just because all of this was happening between he and I didn't mean that I had to move. He said that he wants to be in the children's lives more than just on holidays or breaks from school. He wants us to stay here so that he can get to know his son, etc, etc. It was sad and all that but it didn't get to me.....too badly.

I need to move for ME. By doing this I can give more to my children. Living just down the street from him is killing me. I want to drive by his parents house to see if he is there and I wonder what he is doing. I'm obsessing a hell of a lot less about it lately, but the thought still lurks. Basically, I just want him out of my life so I can concentrate on me and the kiddos. Is this selfish of me?

He was also worried about me being with someone else with his children and that he didn't want that, especially in the capacity that he is in with my oldest two girls. He doesn't want his kids to call another man Daddy. I think that it might finally be hitting him that I am SERIOUS. I'm not playing anymore and I know that I'm going to be fine. I just feel like some dynamic in our relationship has changed and I think that it might be me and my feelings. I don't know.

Baby,

I think you should move.

And, please, never talk to the OW again. She doesn't care about your family's feelings. She could give 2 sh-dirtyword-s less about anyone but herself.


And your moving is a CONSEQUENCE of his actions. We all know if he wasn't doing what he is doing, you wouldn't need to find your safe place.

And remember that this is not a punishment of him...if he's uncomfortable with what he's caused it's just a bonus...you moving is to protect you and your children from his crazy.

And we all know waywards are pretty dern convoluted in the cabaza.

I agree -- MOVE.

And get into Plan B. You are truly not there.
You are reading his texts, listening to his voicemails, reading his e-mails.

Plan B is to be DARK (both ways!) he doesn't get to know your plans or thoughts -- and YOU shouldn't be so involved in what is going on with HIM.

You need to be much much darker.

Plan B is designed to save a little bit of your love for WH away where he can't destroy it. By being reminded daily of his bad choices and behavior -- you are going to reach a point that I can already see you toying with -- NOT CARING ABOUT HIM ANYMORE.
He will destroy all of your remaining love for him.

He is desperate to talk with you because OW is failing to meet his needs and he NEEDS YOU. All of us can see it clearly! He will most definitely end the affair and want to come back to you.

But you are prolonging this process by emailing OW and leaving him messages. You are still part of the triangle.

Think of what OW would have thought if her text message was met with SILENCE.....

Think what WH would think if you never responded to anything he says....


MOVE. Move now. Move before any legal proceedings are started.
Move quickly before he tries to do something that makes you stay.

A fresh start 350 miles away from OW is exactly what you and HE will need when he is fog-free.

Getting into a very dark Plan B is so hard! Especially when he calls almost daily to speak with the girls and then wants to talk with me, etc. It puts them in the middle and I don't want that. I don't know what else to do?

Now you're just making excuses. Your girls will have no problem honoring your wishes. All you have to do is tell them you can't talk to daddy for the next 6 months. You don't have to explain anything to kids; they just accept what you tell them; they don't angst over it, they just say ok. If they forget the first few times, all you have to do when they hand you the phone is take it from them and simply hang it up. You don't OWE him the decency of talking to him. Plan B is NO CONTACT. It won't work any other way. So can you hang up the phone, or not? Are you will to do what you need for your kids' sakes, or not?

And I agree, you need to move NOW, before he starts legal proceedings.

I can definitely do what is best for my kiddos. It's just very difficult when I can't really find an intermediary for visitation, etc. I had thought that his parents would do it, but they work 16 hour days and aren't available at all times. I don't know anyone else that could do it. None of my friends live that close by. However, I will figure something out. It will be much easier once we move. I know that he doesn't plan to do anything legal until then because he doesn't have any money LOL. So, that is a good thing.

FIL stated today that I should move on with my life. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not very trusting of my FIL at this time because of some of the things that have been said by him No matter what kind of mood he is in, bringing the children into things isn't a good thing to do. Ugh, my WH learned how to twist the verbal knife from his father, that is for sure.

I still feel that some dynamic changed in our relationship while I was gone. It was a lot darker during that time. Of course, it was only a few days, but things feel different. I;m not sure how, but theya re.

I could not agree more.

Move close to your own family. You need their loving support.
... and WH needs to feel the pain of this loss.
Do not stand in the way of WH's big fat lesson.

Moving may provide serious motivation for WH to get REAL.

Make this as REAL as possible. Do it quickly. And do NOT discuss this with OW ever again - in fact - move first, THEN tell WH you're with your own family.

Pep

On very good note! My uncle has a house that he bought awhile back and was thinking of renting out. It's on the same street as his house and my grandparents house (where my mom lives to take care of my grandfather) and is rather large with a gynormous yard. And.....(drum roll please)....he is most likely going to let me live there and pay a very small amount of rent if any at all! Yay!! I'm so freaking excited! It's in really good shape, has new carpet, etc, and is big enough for my (almost) Brady bunch. The LORD really does provide. It's funny, my mom had totally forgotten about it and so had I until yesterday. It's just a omplete blessing. He says that he wants to help us and I told him to talk it over with my aunt and pray about it. BUT, I have a really good feeling that this is going to be the home for myself and my children for awhile. YAY!!! I just can't get over the excitement haha.

I don't know if my WH will ever come out of his fog and even if he did, I don't know if he would admit that he was wrong. Whatever happens though, I know that the LORD will take care of my kiddos, and that is so important. I just feel so blessed!

Thank you guys for the posts too. I know that you are right, however, I just can't up and move. I have to wait until I received the stimulus money and that is in my name along with my WH's. So, I will need his signature (ugh) and I'm sure he will want some of it. I don't know how that will go

That sounds like very good news! So happy to hear that.

On the other hand, you are not in Plan B at all. STOP having communication with the OW. STOP having communication with hubby. Every time that you break Plan B, you are feeding the affair.

STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hangs head in shame* Yes ma'am. All I can say is....I have ADD? No really, I do, but that's not an excuse. I start doing well with Plan B, then something happens (it's usually something that's my fault). I have to get through MY withdrawal from him and I think that's what the problem is. Ugh....I've got to get some da*n willpower!!!!!!!

You have been doing fine. Just get a plan. Write it down - NO CONTACT. And when your ADD kicks in, go look at your written plan.

Most affairs don't end with Plan A. 85% take Plan B to end, and it needs to be a very dark Plan B.

Get some Post-It notes or stickers, write PLAN B on them in big letters, and put them on your computer and your phone. Reminds you every time you're tempted, not to contact.

You are a beautiful woman, with a beautiful family. What can hubby be thinking?

Ooooh the post it note idea is a good one!!! I definitely need to do that.

Thanks, believer. My WH is an idiot...LOL. At least according to everyone that I've talked to, including the in laws. But, oh well. I wish I could show you the OW. She is okay looking, but nothing I would write home to mom about and obviously she has not moral fiber considering what she has done. Blah, oh well.

No contact with WH today at all. Another good start, yay!

Good job. Just remember not to give him an Ayane fix. Every time you do, you are helping out the OW. Make HER meet all of his needs.

You're right. I'm 99.9% positive that she can't meet all of his EN's. Not that I even know what all of them are anymore. It's so weird thinking that person you built a life with now has a stranger inhabiting his body. It just makes me think that it's too far gone and too many things have been said for us to ever get back together. *sigh*

You haven't been around here long enough to see it, but when they ditch the other person, they usually snap right back to normal.

How are things going?

I went to the doctor today and found out that I am dilated 1 centimeter, which isn't good considering that I'm not 32 weeks yet. They gave me meds to take if I have 5 or more braxton hicks or any kind of contractions within an hour. I really don't want to have preterm labor. All of my other kiddos were late or about on time. I want to keep this little guy in there as long as possible!

Other than that....no contact with the hubby. I spoke with MIL about moving and she brought him up, though I asked her not to. I did remind her that I didn't want to talk about him though (go me!!!). DD5 keeps asking me why her daddy and myself can't live together anymore. I don't know what to tell her. It sucks though....my WH should be the one answering these questions.

Getting to the point where I don't obsess over what he is doing or not doing. I very rarely think about it, which is great.

Try to relax and take very good care of yourself.

I had a similar problem with my 2nd child. I was dilated a couple cms as I remember. My doc told me that his patients with similar dilation had their kids at home or on the way to the hospital. He told me to go to the hospital right away if I had contractions.

It turned out I went into labor while at the hospital for my checkup. And I delivered my son in the hall while on the way to the delivery room, with the wonderful nurses. My doc was still putting a lab coat on to cover his suit. Start to finish was 20 minutes. Of course that was 23 years ago. Now days I'm sure they are much better prepared.

You need to really believe that hubby will end the affair and be back.

I think his number one problem is that he is young and apparently hasn't had the best example from his parents.

Labor AND delivery in 20 minutes! THAT'S what I'm talking about!!! Haha I wish they were all that fast!

OW contacted me tonight on myspace, wanting to know what she could do to make me stay so that my WH could see his kids, since she knows that he really wants to. Which means they are in contact all the time. I haven't replied and don't plan to. What is the point? Nothing is going to change or get better until he wants them to and he doesn't, so....

I have nothing to say to her anymore anyway. I also changed my settings so that she can't contact me since she isn't a friend. So, there is one worry taken awa