Oh! And I told my in laws that I didn't want to hear anything about my WH. Hopefully they will respect my wishes and not tell me anything. Something weird though. WH stopped by this morning on the way to work. I didn't know who it was and for some reason we don't have a peephole, so I opened the door all sleepy-eyed and blah. He said he was there to see DD5 since he told her he would (he could have called before coming). He seemed mad and had a p.o.'ed look on his face. *sigh* Who knows. I really wish that he had called first though, then the girls could have answered the door.

I was speaking with a friend tonight and she was talking about her relationship with her H. They don't have much in common and they fight all the time. And she asked me, how did you deal with things that you didn't have in common and never would? I had no answer for her. My H and I had nearly everything in common. One of the few that I could think of was that I liked to read and he would rather watch japanese anime and read on the screen haha. We didn't fight unless we'd had too much to drink (well usually me since I brought up past stuff), and we were amazingly well suited. I have to say that we were the couple that everyone thought would last, the one that seemed to love each other so much. My WH told people that I was a goddess and he loved me sooo much. Of course, this was many months ago. I was just thinking of these things and wondering why he left. I see couples who can barely stand one another, yet they stay together for a long time if not until death. Why not my marriage? I just don't understand how my marriage and life went to pieces but these people who don't seem to love one another, let alone like each other, flourish. My WH tells me that he loves me but he's not in love with me and that he is unhappy so he is leaving. These couples tell one another that they hate each other, yet they stay together, even if they don't have kids. *sigh* Sorry, I'm not having a great day today.

Ayane, I come from one of those miserable marriages. The only thing that has saved my sanity is reading. Psychology textbooks I buy at garage sales, self-help books, magazine articles, newsletters, everything I can get my hands on about humans, psychology, sociology, everything I can find about how humans work. I have found it really helps me to get through all my problems, to understand why people do what they do. You might want to consider it; it might help get you through this stuff.

I'm having a bad day today. I ended up having to go to the ER last night due to pain. I'm still dilated 1 cm and I'm effaced 50%, which isn't good. I was having mini contractions, nothing extremely bad, but I had A LOT of pressure in my lower abdomen, along with pain in my abdomen and back, and just an allover sick feeling. I've not been feeling like myself at all these past few days, even my best friend made mention of it.

Anyway, WH immediately left work and picked up the kiddos so I could go up there. I talked to him when he called my hospital room. *sigh* He called me babes like he used to, which sucks, but I know that I can't take anything that he says to heart. Anyway, I'm in a bad way today. Feeling second best again and worthless to him which sucks. I haven't felt this way in a bit. I don't know if it's the hormones, the meds, or what. I'm just having a really depressed day.

Thinking about getting a hitch put on my van so I can pack up some stuff and move earlier that expected. I figure if I can at least get the kids bunkbeds and some other large items, I'll be okay staying at the efficiency apartment that my mom has on the property. At least until the end of the month. Then I can come back up here and get the rest of my items. I don't know. I just want to be gone. But, i don't know if this is the best time to make any decisions. *sigh* Any suggestions?

Oh honey, you need to try to rest and take care of you. Moving right now would be stressful, but staying where you are without support is stressful also. Do you have any family members that could come stay with you and be supportive of you. Or could you just pack suitcases and go stay with a family member?

Has the doctor put you on bed rest?

I suggest you stay put. You have no business trying to move right now. That little one needs to wait to be born!

Are you taking good care of yourself and getting any rest?

No, they haven't put me on bed rest yet. I'm getting plenty of rest though, that's pretty much all that I can do. When I get up to do anything, I just feel sooo tired and want to go back to sleep. Haha thank goodness I have a laptop so I can just sit it on me and type

I don't know. I might just pack up our clothing and have someone keep an eye on the house and head to my mom's to stay. I want to be somewhere I feel loved and supported and it's not here. I have a couple friends, but it's just not the same as having family around. It may sound selfish, but right now I want someone who can help me take care of me....LOL. *sigh* It could just be my hormones talking, I don't know. I don't like feeling like this though, I should be able to handle this.

Back to Plan B though, immediately after that. Though, admittedly not a very good one at the moment, as I keep thinking, but I'm not speaking, texting, or seeing, so I guess that is good.

How far does mom live?

350 miles away, where I plan to move for good.

I'm trying to take your advice believer and really believe (lol) that he will come home, but it's hard. I know about positive thinking and if you think positive things, they happen, and all that. Some days I can do it, but today just isn't one of them. I'm also sad thinking that I'm going to have to go through labor alone or with just my mom. I've never done that before. I've also never been in the hospital, even for observation, without him there. It's a trying time.

Ayane, you need to take good care of you and your little one right now. How long of a drive is it from where you are now to your mom's? If you are having mini-contractions and pain, you should not make the drive just yet. The last thing you need is for something to happen during the drive. Are you still working? Can you take a day or two from work and sleep while the kid are at school or at someone's house?

You are going through a lot of stress right now but hold on...You can make it. Just keep holding on. You are strong and you can endure with or without your DH.

I'm sure he will be back. Please don't take chances with your health, or the health of your baby. That is a LONG drive.

Any chance your mom could come stay with you?

I wish. She has to work though and she's already used her vacation time, so.....*sigh* I don't know. I could wait until my appointment on Thursday and see what the doctor says. I could very well change my mind tomorrow though...my thought processes are crazy right now. I feel bi polar half the time

Do you have any money to spare? If so, you could pay for someone's plane ticket to come down and drive you home in your car with you and the kids. Or you could arrange for a hotel to stay in halfway there and make it a two-day trip.

Do you have any friends at all? Any organizations you belong to, where you can see a friendly face? Heck, just go visit the doctor's office if you have to.

Be creative; find ways to fulfill yourself, if you can't leave yet.

Ayane - Hang in there. I forget all the baby stuff, but as I recall, a baby has an good chance of not having problems after 30 weeks. And each and every week after that increases their chances of having a normal birth with no problems.

THAT must be your first concern. I know it is miserable for you now, but that won't last forever. These waywards always snap out of it.

I beg you to take good care of yourself for a couple more weeks. Don't panic and move. Stay calm. It isn't going to be pleasant, but may make all of the difference in the world to your child.

I just don't want it to be too late when he finally snaps out of it *sigh*. But, you are correct. I don't need to get upset and run away so quickly. I'm still planning on moving, but I need to have it planned out.

So far, all of the wayward men with expecting wives have snapped out of it very quickly once baby arrives. I don't know the reason, but that is how it usually goes.

You can move later. Now is not the time. You've been waiting all of this time, don't give up now.

I think what the problem is today is that the idea that I might have the baby sooner than I thought is hitting me. I'm scared, I really, really am. I've never been through this on my own and it scares the he11 out of me! If I went into labor, my mom is 5 hours away. I have friends, but what if it's really late at night or they are at work? It's a terribly lonely thought and that sucks.

Yes, it would be very lonely. No doubt about that.

How did your other deliveries go?

I had the most problems with my last one, but none of them were completely horrible. None were super fast either, but I've heard of worse stories than mine.

How were all of yours?

The first one was easy. I attended LaMaze classes and it was a breeze.

The second (30 minute wonder) was awful. Even though it was fast, it left me shaking for hours. In fact, I didn't want anything to do with the baby. Didn't want to see him, hold him, nothing. They sent the social worker up to see me to see if something was wrong with me.

But I think it was just the shock on my body. We bonded very nicely and are still close. He is 23.

Hopefully yours will go well. Was your hubby a big help?

Mine was kind of useless.