Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.

Ummm....can I have a little of whatever everyone is smoking around here today.

Maybe we have all just finally lost what was left of our minds.

Fox

Speak for yourself, toots . my mind was lost looooong ago in a galaxy far far away, while I was alien hunting.

Well put.

I know the anger is there, lurking. Every now and then I vent bits of it off. I feel like I've analyzed it from every direction I possibly could, and I'm just tired of it.

I'm beginning to think it took me 15 years to figure out that the SCQ was just too shallow a person for me. I doubt that she can ever participate in the kind of recovery I would want, let alone be as good a match as others out there.

My lawyer received a letter from her lawyer containing the basis for a MSA (marital separation agreement)--basically what the SCQ and I already agreed to. It feels like relief in the offing.

So what's left?

I am amazed at how long the process is in some other places.

In Colorado, you just walk to the edge of Divorce Cliff and jump. In a few weeks your divorced.

I think that's it. I'm guessing that once the MSA is approved by a judge, we're divorced. When my lawyer calls back to discuss the letter, I'll ask.

The case has dragged because no one has been pushing it. We could have been done a year ago. According to Pittman, this is where lots of Affair Divorces die.

After the divorce was filed, ex and I signed our MSA. Then the divorce was final 6 months after it was filed.

SD,

Just had to tell you that Drac sits by himself at DD's games, too. AND he is on the phone or the Blackberry the entire time.
AND it is maddening for me as well. Wish it wasn't,,,,,,,,,

I know it's hard to let go of the Sat night thing - we both know that something was up that made it to the SCQ's 'advantage' to have him with you. Just remember, no matter what she was up to, YOU still got the best end of that deal. It just sucks feeling like you've been used.

So, about the Anger thing. I'm with ya! My phrase for today is "It's better to be p*ssed OFF, than p*ssed ON!" ha!

Chin up!

Thanks, Bugsy.

Pretty typical wayward behavior then. It still amazes me how much they give up and how long they can last in this state. Such a waste.

Got an email from the SCQ last night.

DD4's birthday is June 15th. We'll be on vacation in a beach house on the Outer Banks with lots of family on that day, which will be good. I thought I would have a party for her here in San Diego as well and decided to do a party at one of the places full of inflatable jumpers and slides and stuff. DS8 had a great time at his party there, and DD4 has always had a blast at these parties, and DD4 doesn't have all that many things that are just about her.

I talked with my day-care provider to consult about times for the party, and I guess the party came up when the SCQ was picking the kids up yesterday from daycare. Then last night, I got this email:


I'm not sure how to read it. I think she is probably just being nice, but the twitchy BS in me gets all reactive. It wants to respond "Nice gesture. Say, I have an idea. If you want to do something nice for our kids, why don't you stop committing adultery?"

I suspect that normal people will cringe at that response. I also suspect that the BS's out there will understand it completely. No, I didn't send it.

My answer would be simple

"No, Thanks."

You can figure something out without involving SCQ at all. The party may not take place real close to her birthday, but it will still take place, and that's what matters most.

No response to it.

or.....

Asked her to come the night before and blow up all the inflatables the old fashioned way.

or......

No response to it.

I didn't respond. Last night I got another email asking me, basically, if I could keep the kids for a week at the beginning of July. I said yes, of course, because it means I will get them for July 4th, and we have a big block party that they like going to.

The sobering part is that she gives up another week with her kids so easily. As it is, I've had them since yesterday and will have them through next Sunday. Then she'll have three days with them and not see them for another 9 or 10 days.

It's just sickening how the priorities change and can stay changed for so long.

And it almost felt like something clicked when I read it. Another notch on the Done-o-meter, I guess. Dunometer? I'm still going to maintain that I don't want divorce until the end, but it's just for formality at this point. There is zero hope behind it. I still have trouble believing that she could be this far gone for this long.

The kids and I leave on vacation tomorrow (week in the beach house on the Outer Banks with family). Very much looking forward to it.

Unfortunately, the kids (mine, at least) seem to have a done-o-meter, too.

WH gave up days often enough, DD14 now has given up ALL her days with him. She doesn't even want to go there for Father's Day.

I could accept some of the crap he dealt me and still hang on to some love for him, when he started behaving this way with DDs, my done-a-meter kicked up a few notches.

Hope you have a great time on vacation. You've come so far since the last time you were there.

Fox

SD,


Yep,,,,,,just when we think nothing else really could make that meter register anything different, the WS pings the needle another notch.

BTW, just where do you plug in the Done-o-meter? Sometimes it seems connected to my brain. Other times it's connected to my heart. And other times,,,, well let's not go there!


And well you should be looking forward to it! What's not to love about that kind of week? And, Fox has an excellent point about being better this time around.

Get yourself some alone beach time when you need it,,,,,,,,,but for the most part, enjoy the kids. You deserve it!

Man oh man that 'done-o-meter' does twitch when the kids are involved dunnit?

Was wondering what that clicking sound was last week, and I think it ratcheted pretty close to the limit for me.

I totally feel the whole 'formality' of it all now as well. Ugh.. I still wonder from time to time just who WW really is, and how the heck I was fooled for so long.

Another click on the done-o-meter I suppose.. I'm not a big fan of the product not matching the advertising.

Jesus, I hear you on that one!

I'm ending up with OS this Father's day too and I have him this week BUT "it's because of surgery!"

I have no compassion for this man...is that sad? That I can't feel sorry for him?

Sad that you can't feel sorry for him?

Rin.. take a look around you. See what your life has become. Everything that is better in your life right now is because YOU worked hard for it and you've done it the right way. You're the one that can look yourself in the mirror and be comfortable with the choices you've made.

I'm pretty much of the opinion right now, that as much as I still care about WW.. whatever trials or troubles she's going through right now are hers to deal with alone. It's like I teach my kids.. you made the mess, you clean it up (some obvious exceptions here.. DS is only 4 afterall.. but to his credit he tries). We can't be personally responsible for our spouses anymore, and they apparently don't want us to be either.

In other words, let the driver of the karma bus punch their ticket in peace. They're heaping their own problems on themselves at this point, and deserve all the 'happiness' that goes with it.

SD... sorry for the T/J

[quote=Jamesus]
In other words, let the driver of the karma bus punch their ticket in peace. They're heaping their own problems on themselves at this point, and deserve all the 'happiness' that goes with it.



James,

You got that right. They do deserve the "happiness" that goes with it, don't they?

Update time, I guess. We're back from the vacation, which was great. The weather, the location, the company, the fellowship--all fantastic. The kids had a terrific time with cousins and grandparents and everything. DS8 spent most of the time with his favorite cousin, while DD5 got lots of time with the "big girls," aged 11, 13, 14, 16, and 18, who all think DD5 is adorable.

During the vacation, the SCQ called the kids once, on DD5's birthday. Other than that, she did not call. I asked the kids a couple of times if they wanted to call her and got either "no" or "later" in return.

The kids were with her for a couple of days and then came back to me, and now I have them until the 6th of July, which is great but draining. I got them from the SCQ directly on Wednesday, when she brought them straight from swimming lessons to my work. The first thing DD5 told me was "Mommy's going on vacation by herself." DS8 added that she was going with POSOM, of course, and that they are going to Wisconsin to visit/meet with friends.

Since the SCQ has no friends in Wisconsin, I'm still assuming that she is completely following POSOM's lead. I could probably confirm this--OMW left me a message Wednesday night asking me if I wanted to talk, but I haven't returned the call. I don't really want to talk to her.

I haven't checked in with my lawyer, but he should have told the SCQ's lawyer that we all have an understanding and that they can go ahead and put the MSA together. I'm ready to be divorced.

I'm feeling pretty good. No post-vacation let-down this year. Just acceptance. The urges to make the SCQ see what she's doing are fewer and farther between. Whatever.

I'm doing a belated birthday party for the SCQ tonight (not that she didn't get spoiled enough on her real birthday on vacation). Gotta make cupcakes.

EDIT: Eek! No, the party is for DD5!

Guy Smiley! Welcome home!

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you had a good time - much different than last year.

You're finding your rythm, that's good.

You can bet your sweet bippy that SCQ will not have the peace of mind that you do on your vacation. She is going to try to keep someone else happy - this isn't a vacation for HER.


Me too, sdguy, me too. That quiet acceptance will do more healing than you can imagine.

I'm on pins and needles waiting for the decision from our judge. We FINALLY made it to court on Wednesday.

My heart did not ache for WH one bit. He choked up a couple of times - and I did not choke up FOR him, like I've always done.

I think it was good that it took so long for us to get to court. I'm ready - heart, mind, and soul. I don't think I could have done it any sooner than it was done.

I've found that quiet acceptance, too, and it is such a relief.


You ought to name your thread something like "giving up....letting go....whatever"

I am truly there (probably more so then when I named my thread that). Life is waiting to hand you the sweeter apples.


Ummmmm.....I'm hoping this was a typo. If you make cupcakes for SCQ, I will come down there and PERSONALLY hit you with a 2x4.

Fox