Thanks! How are you doing BTW??

Why do you think he sent this message? Sometimes I feel that I am too close to this emotionally to know what the hell is going on.

My H said almost the same exact stuff. He said he did not love me and had not loved me for years. He said he was happy where he was and he was not ready to come home. He said he loved our daughter and he actually wanted me to move to be closer to him so he could see our daughter more. He said all this about a week before we began to reconcile.

My situation was a bit different though, he said all that to me in response to me wanting to meet with him and talk about our marriage. He didn't want to meet, but eventually agreed to. At that point I poured my heart out to him and told him all the things that I realized I did wrong and that I would change, I told him how much I loved him and missed him and what a wonderful man he was. It was pretty pathetic, he got angry and said horrible things to me and I just sat there crying and threw myself on him and hugged him as he walked out my door. When he left I thought we were done for sure, he made it very clear that he was happy with his new life.

I must say I am glad I did not know about MB at that time because I would have embraced plan B and that would have ended my marriage. My H needed to hear how much I needed him and how sorry I was and that I could see the mistakes that I had made. He needed to say all those horrible and see that I still loved him no matter what he told me. He needed to know there was a way home and that we could fix our marriage. MB has helped me immensely with recovery and I did do a great plan A as soon as he said he wanted to work on our marriage.

Sorry to ramble on about my situation, there is just so much about what you say about your WH that I can relate to.

I'm doing pretty good. Having some anxiety over my H having to travel for work next week for 8 days. But I'm doing good. Thanks for asking.

I wonder if your H sent you this because a part of him wants to come home, but maybe he feels like your marriage is to far gone. Maybe he thinks he was not happy before he left, so what would change if he came back? Maybe he does not know how to fix your marriage and just feels like starting a new life without you is his only option?

I see the point of the Plan B, but it's very hard. I'm someone who feels that we NEED to talk daily to keep our relationship going. But, I have a lot less stress when we don't. So, I do like that. I want to know what is going on with his life, but with Plan B, I'm not obsessing about where he is, etc. That is good.

I don't know how much more pathetic I could be. I'm glad that I haven't begged and pleaded lately. I don't think that makes him want me anymore. I don't know what to think. I'm just torn when it comes to him because I don't know if he doesn't want us to move just because of the kids or if I have any part of it. I don't want to let my heart have any hope. Plus, my head says just let it go. Let HIM go. That's what I'm trying to do.

Great, I found out that my auto insurance hadn't been kept up (I thought WH was paying it) and now I am going to owe over 1600 bucks to pay for damages to the car. Though, how in the world it's that much, I don't know. We need to get something worked out because the only thing that was done to the car, was a dent, a scratch, and a bent rim so that shouldn't be 1600.00. I might need to get them to take the car somewhere else.

I would send hubby the bill. He was supposed to be paying the insurance.

Other than that, stay dark. In his email he says he thinks he is making good decisions, blah, blah, blah. But he is still trying to contact you. Don't give him a fix.

I can promise you that all is not well in his life.

You know before I make decisions I would be more than "pretty sure" that they were the right ones. Of course, I usually don't make decisions that affect many people's lives on the fly either. So....

Nothing sent back to him. I'm changing myspace pages and all that so that he can't contact me.

Your welcome. Is he going alone? Are you okay with that?

Hi, Ayane

Starting a new Plan B thread and calling it that isn't a bad idea. You might catch the attention of some of the long-term Plan B'ers around (like me). Maybe start the thread with a summary of where you are for those of us without the time/inclination/attention span to read all threads in their entirety.

Just a thought.

SDG

Yes he is going alone. I can't go because it is the last week of Kindergarten for our daughter and she has a ballet recital and a stage performance. He is in the transportation business for tradeshows and this is his biggest show of the year but it is 3 weeks earlier than usual otherwise I would have considered going with him. I am mostly okay with him going, but I do get anxiety when we are apart, I don't sleep much. I have nightmares on a pretty regular basis for the past year, had one last night, when my H is here to wake me when I start screaming and hold me after it makes a huge difference. My IC gave me some tips on how to talk to my H before he goes that are supposed to help us feel more connected and help me feel better about him being gone. I guess I will find out next week if the tips work.

I really hope that they do. Has your IC helped alot during this process? Does he see an IC also?

Blah, WH has been talking to a chick at work who is also one of my best friend's sister. Talking as in talking about me and the kids, not talking as in wanting to go out. She let me know about it and said basically she just nodded and said uh-huh a lot because she doesn't want to get into it as it's none of her business. He was saying how our relationship wasn't working and he doesn't want to be in it not even for the kids, but he wants to be around them and be a good father, blah, blah, blah. Same old, same old I guess.

Also, MIL called and said she talked with WH some last night or at least tried to. He complained because he doesn't have an control over the situation and he doesn't like that. MIL said when she explained to him that we could move and he coudn't stop us, he got very confrontational with her and almost squealed (her words not mine) "I don't want to talk about it right now!" and left. FIL was pretty mad because one of the conditions of him staying at their house is to go to school and make sure he has homework done, etc, etc. He was suppose to work on that last night and didn't so FIL ripped him a new, according to MIL. Doesn't that make him feel even more like a child? Anyway, I guess that is why he decided to send that message.

STOP TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT HIM.

Not your friends...not your inlaws.

You are in Plan B. His thoughts, his actions, his words should be INVISIBLE to you.

MOVE.

Please please move.
You don't see your power.

Lexxxy - Do you think she should move while 33 weeks pregnant, with a possible early delivery coming? She should do all the packing, and drive 350 miles?

If I move, I would just be packing up some clothing and minor stuff for the kids until I get more money, then I would move everything. I would keep the apartment until then.

I know that you are so right. People just love to call me and tell me these things and of course, once they are started, I can't stop because I WANT to hear. *sigh* I doing a terrible Plan B.

Actually my H went to an IC a few times before we got back together. He called it MC, but I did not because in my mind MC means both spouses are involved. As soon as my H saw me going out on a date he realized he loved me and wanted to work on our marriage and we then went to MC for a couple of months. We both felt like we got all we could from the MC so we stopped going. I just starting going to IC a couple of months ago and it really has helped me. What's funny is my H is the one who encouraged me to go to IC because he feels like it helped him so much, but then last week he questioned if I needed to keep going. I had to remind him that he is the one who pushed me into going, he just smiled because he got what I was saying. It's weird knowing your spouse is going to IC, because you know they are talking about very private things.