No, but I took her out one night and she would say "I have to use the washroom"...then go outside and try to sneak a phone call in, then say "it was my sister" (like she needed to hide to call her sister).

Until she earns the trust I'd GPS her car.

Google "Land Air Sea, Inc.

Happy fathers Day all. Our kids are counting on us.

HA! Mine would always email OM from the bathroom wherever we went. I caught her one time when I was waiting outside for her and another woman went in.. she was sitting just inside the door typing away.. "Urgent email from work" is what I always got.

I no longer think women REALLY take a long time in the bathroom.

Brix, you are "dead-on balls" accurate. It is a blessing being a father, and an amazing one at that. No matter what happens in our marriages, our children know that we are good and true people.

The Ex's can take away money, trust, and just about everything else, but children understand more than everyone thinks. Deep-down, they know we stood by them, and they love and respect us for it.

I got a great weekend planned for me and the kids. Hope everyone else finds comfort in the love from their children.

LoBoy

Many WS's with children are doing more damage than they think, even though it might not become apparent for years, or even decades.

I can hardly stand to be in the same room with my mother. My own mother, because she is an unremorseful FWW/FOW who helped to destroy my family. She has never apologized for it, or even discussed it openly. I very nearly hate her for that one reason alone.

So, if by some chance an unremorseful WS reads this:

Someday, either your kids are going to despise you, or they will become scumbags like you.

Either way, it seems like a hefty price to pay for thinking with your little pee-pee. Idiots.

Have a nice Father's Day!

Can somebody clear this up for me? I was in the "abbreviations" thread and noticed this....


"P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens (CB… NSR... see Inspire (20))"



What is this referring to? I haven't been able to quite figure out what "Inspire (20)" is.

man i leave for a couple of hours and i have pages to read.

ok intro the only answer i can give you is answer those questions with what YOU WANT from here on out.

non of those questions ask you if yuor w has sinned. we all know that answer.

i see where you could get to thinking i loved how my w "looked" prior to A but now i see her in a different light. to each his own but raw beauty is in the eye of the beholder. if you had an exact look alike of your w walk into your life how would you consider her appearance. KWIM?

i was blind sided in the fact that 3 weeks prior we spent the night at an adult motel enjoying each other for her b-day. then on valen day her reaction to the candles in the bathroom and cards was passe. that hit me hard.

but after that i realized that she must be getting involved somewhere else. i tried talking to her about her new 1 on 1 time with her co worker and that God wouldn't think she was doing the right thing the way she was spending time away from her family.

she swore they were "just friends" and she could handle it. i didn't believe her and we went to a mc. the mc told me to back off because i was presuring her and it was like the hound chasing the rabbit. the faster i chased the faster she would run away.

so i backed off and stopped following her. the 3rd session she skipped. as the PA had started that week while she had no worries about me breaking in on her.

it was amazing. i was open with her family about my fears of her having an A. they all said you are crazy. she woould never do that. she had em all duped with her lies.

Sounds like Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train or the more popular version, Throw Mama from the Train. Criss-Cross.

When I exposed, the OM got his - OMW took all of his clothes and burned them to ashes.

>>>>>>>>>>WW could be at work right now emailing OM, texting OM from her cell, etc...and I would never know the difference.

here's the way i look at this. w can do as she damn well pleases with exom or anyone else for that matter. but if i get one ounce of a notion that she is interested or falling into an PA or EA again.

I"M GONE. and i have been very clear with her about this. i don't beat her up with it but she knows where i stand.

i will never tolerate this again in my life. and i won't be crying about it either.

sell the house and split the moolah. i don't care about the furniture, dishes, little cutesy family trinkets. she can have them all. just give me my tools, my guns and the clothes on my back.

intro,

I know you probably had a purpose when you started this thread, but I think this thread helps keep you (and probably others) in the past where the hurt is and I can't see that being very productive for you.

pops hits on something very important. Where do you want to go from here? You will not change the past, regardless of whether or not you know what that past is. You will probably find out more stuff once the two of you are able to be together. But whatever is discovered is still in the past and cannot be changed.

What are you doing to make that meeting a productive one for the two of you? What are you doing to prevent you from reacting in anger over things you may find out. I'm not saying you can't get angry, I'm saying what are you doing to make sure your reaction doesn't destroy what little there is that is keeping your M together.

Have you developed a plan that is geared to restoring your M? If you have, what does that plan tell you to be doing right now? Are you doing it? Does that plan include rehashing past events?

I'm not sure where you're at right now because your posts are all over and I haven't seen any mention about your plan, so forgive me if I missed it.

Blessings to you and your W. And ditto Brix and BoW. Our kids are counting on us!

S&C

s and c you make an excellent point. as far as i am past all this i still find myself feeling some angst just reading some of the things that have happened to some of you on this thread.

it has me wanting to talk with my w again about some of this stuff.

I know, people like you and I have been though it, and understand what it takes to restore a M hit with infidelity. It takes some HUGE huevos, a compassionate heart and very thick skin.

When we see people go through it we ache because we know what's to come and pray for them the strength to make it.

I think that's why "people like us" do what we do here and make sure that couples like intro and his W are focused on the plan they have so they can move forward. People need to heal. And they can't heal when their stuck on past events.

Blessings.

S&C

Man, pops !!! Valentine's day, MS sessions, the family thing. I think we are married to the same woman!!!

My plan......(so far, anyway)


1. Help her achieve higher self esteem
2. Listen to her without judgement
3. Show more affection
4. Better communication
5. Leave the room to count to ten when things get heated, before I say something we both may regret later
6. Compliment her more often
7. Take her out on dates more often
8. Share my thoughts and feelings with her more often
9. Be more forgiving when she fails to do what I would consider right (struggling with this one)
10. Accept who she is (or was) without judgement
11. Take time out of the day to just talk about whatever interests her
12. Be more comforting when she has a problem
13. Protect her (having trouble with this one too)
14. Find her some goals and/or hobbies and help her achieve them



...more to come.

Intro:


YOU cannot help her achieve higher SELF-esteem. Self-Esteem comes from within oneself. Too many women seem to rely on their H's to provide their self-esteem, and if you fall into the trap of trying to provide that for her, she will never learn that happiness comes from within, and she will eventually start to resent you in the future for not providing it for her 24/7....maybe even betray you again, or just totally withdraw from the M when the resentment builds up too much.


Again, your W is a living, breathing adult who is capable of making her own choices. In a quality M following the MB principles, she will have some goals and hobbies that the two of you discuss and use POJA to decide goals for the both of you and that further the betterment of the M and your family.

LoBoy

You CAN provide admiration for your W when she does something admirable, but admiration is different than self-esteem. Admiration can reinforce a person's self-esteem, but she shouldn't rely solely on admiration from you to provide her "self"-esteem.

intro i read a list of all the things you are doing for her. many of which she has to do for herself. what i don't read (and this is true with other guys also) is what YOUR boundaries for her are and what YOU need from her.

your w needs to make the list of what you need to do for her

there is another thread in this forum by "runnerboy65" titled "i caught them in the act". in one of his posts he laid out what HE needed from his wife for him to have a chance. it is one of the best lists i have seen.

it may give you an idea of what i am talking about

another small thing that will help you is to stop giving your w titles such as fww, ww fws. if you are serious about rebuilding that means you must feel you love her.. for that reason she just needs to be your "W" again.

look we all have sinned. so if your w caught you looking at playboy magizine for example and she didn't like it. would you expect her to refer to you as that porno addict all the time? and i know you don't call her fww to her face. but you need to stop refering to her here also. just my .02

Another BH

Love this Attitude since thats where I am at - especially I don't care for the trinkets.

Completely agree S & C. Well said

I don't think I'm a fit for this thread. Almost 3 years out, naval gazing doesn't look good on me.