I'm sure it won't be five years. The average affair lasts less than 2 years. Only a small number last longer than that.

My ex's affair lasted 3 and a half years and ended less than 2 weeks after our divorce was final. But that was unusual because he had a lot of money to blow.

I will keep praying for you and your children.

You really need to do what you can to get a break. I hope you decide to take a little vacation.

Thank you so much for your encouragement! Please keep educating me, I love to learn and I want to come out of this experience having taken every opportunity to learn and grow and change! This by far is the hardest of the very hard things that I have been through in my life, I have been working on writing my/our story, it has been a good thing difficult but has revealed a lot.
I have been so blessed by God leading me to this site and I will be eternally grateful, I look forward to being able to help someone through my experiences later. I guess I will know when that time will be. My heart has been breaking for some of the others here, it is so sad to see so many going through this pain. I wish I understood how to love and protect my marriage, but I will definitely not take it for granted ever again if given the opportunity to heal my marriage or if God decides to take me on another path. Now I just need to get brave and trust that God has it ALL in his very capable hands and I need to get out of the way and let go and let God. It's hard to see someone you love hurt themselves so much and make such a huge mess!
Thank you

Yes, the stories here are heartbreaking. And they happen over and over again.

When I showed up here I was so broken and discouraged that I had no hope left. People here came along side me and let me know that I COULD get through this.

And I never thought infidelity would happen to us. My ex was a Godly man, a good man. He ended up losing our church home, his home, our family, marriage and his honor. He is not the same man he was before, and now is very repentant. It still makes me sad at times but I feel good looking back and knowing I did my best.

So hang in there and expect a miracle.

klb - your last paragraph IS what happens when the BS actually loves the WS and is submitting their own life to God and His commands. It is not "easy," but it is what believers can "expect." Believes WILL "come under fire" from Satan and from the "World," because both are at enmity with God and want to cause doubt in the minds of believers that "their way" is better than God's way. Don't believe it for a minute…it's the illusion and allure of SIN.

I just spent the last hour rereading your entire thread up to this point, and I would suggest you do the same. Occasionally it is a good idea to "step back" from today and refresh an "overview" of the situation. It's too easy to get caught up in "standing too close to the trees" each day and it helps to review where things were, what was "done right," what was done "wrong," and what may still remain that "needs to be done."

Given that, I'd like to spend a little time in "review." It's only been a little over a month since you began posting about your situation and it seemed that now might be a good time to look at what has and has not transpired over the past 5 weeks or so.


I'm going to break this review into 2 primary parts; first, with respect to you and your husband and, second, with respect to your local family of believers - your church.


You know your husband and you know if you actually believe this, so I accept your estimation of your husband having had a true conversion experience. If you are not sure about this, then I'd suggest you give some serious thought to a review of the "Parable of the Soils (parable of the sower)" to determine in your mind WHICH sort of "ground" your husband was.



Not sure what you meant by "Satan began his attacks" in February of 1999, but "attacks" on new believes is rather normal…Satan's age old tacit of trying to instill doubt and "worldly rationality" of the type he used on Eve…"God didn't REALLY mean what He said, did He? You will NOT 'surely die,' rather you will become LIKE God."

Satan appeals to "self-preeminence" above all things. If he can get a person to "kick God off of the throne of his/her life" and get the person to sit down and consider theirself to be "sovereign," then they can "justify" doing anything they want to because "they make the rules, not God."



You don't have to "wonder" about this, klb. He IS.

Let's take a very brief journey into the "center of his mind" for a minute, just to prove to you that his life is not all "sweet and good," and it never will be as long he is walking AWAY from God.

[ When he talks to us that she is not around he is so kind and cries a lot and seems like he is breaking under this and then she gets around and then he is this hard, hateful man again! ]

[ WH left in tears holding my hand pulled reluctantly away ]

[ Things with the OW are unstable also, she was fired finally from the place that they both worked, so there is no income coming in there, and she is getting frustrated that all of his income is coming to me. Well, he is MY H!!! ]

[ He keeps saying that I think it is so good for him over there and I just don't know or understand ]

[ WH and I spoke on the phone earlier and he has upgraded from he hates me and wants a divorce to he doesn't know what he wants, he is confused, but doesn't want to hurt me and the children. ]

[ he told me that I was a good woman and wife, but that we didn't make each other happy anymore that he had changed so much, he seems to focus on that ]


klb, what do YOU hear from all of those statements?

Of COURSE "he seems to focus on that" (his rationalization of "changes" in himself) because he knows that he CAN'T "justify" his actions without "some reason that he can convince himself entitles him to sin against God, against you, against his children, and to "hurt the ones who DO love him" as God intended for love to be expressed. Instead, he wants to substitute the "siren call" of the adulteress (unpaid prostitute doing what she wants for HER own benefit regardless of who gets hurt). Suffice it to say that the Bible warns us against the temptation of the seductress and we don't heed God at our own peril.


Klb, the OW is "playing" his emotions, but beneath that he is a "sea of turmoil" simply because the TRUTH is that anyone can run FROM God, but believers cannot hide from God. Consider this truth, if you conclude that your husband DID have a real saving conversion at that conference. God seals ALL believers with the indwelling Holy Spirit. That Holy Spirit IS God, the third person of the Trinity. There is nowhere on earth that a believer can go where the Holy Spirit, residing within him/her does not also go. Sin, being anathema to God, is something that the Holy Spirit WILL convict him of because that is one of the primary "jobs" of the Holy Spirit. Your husband CAN continue to try to run for a while, but God WILL "turn up the heat" on that conviction until he repents, confesses, and seeks God's forgiveness. After that, he will seek your forgiveness and the children's forgiveness. THAT is where things will potentially get really difficult for you, because the HURT is real and forgiveness of sin is not the same thing as "forgetting." Forgiveness is both a command of God and a choice that all believers must make or refuse to grant. That is why Jesus told Peter, "seventy times seven times" if it is necessary.



Now let's turn to the second point for a minute.

There has been no recent update on the "interventions" of the Pastor or other church leaders. From that I am assuming that nothing has actually been done yet, and that, too, is disobedience of God's commands to the Shepard and leaders of the local flock of believers.

If I could talk to your Pastor I would suggest to him that God is also using your situation with your husband to teach him (and the leaders) lessons in "how to be Christ's stand-in" for those under his care.



This is procrastination. This is refusal or reluctance to BE obedient to God's commands. Jesus was CRYSTAL CLEAR regarding "church discipline" in Matthew 18:15-20. This is NOT a command to "think about it" as an excuse for failure to take ACTION. This is a command to "go" and to lovingly confront a sinning believer with God's truth and to stand ready to show the sinner that God FORGIVES and RESTORES repentant sinners.

Jesus, "goes looking for" His "lost sheep" when they wander away from His "sheep pen." Jesus does not "pray" for the lost sheep or attempt to shift the responsibility to anyone else. HE goes. HE finds. HE leads them back. It is a "journey of return" too. He sustains and instructs "on the way back." But most importantly, Jesus makes it CLEAR that the truth is "who can snatch a believe out of my hand?" Jesus has already WON the battle and He is stronger than any opponent. But Jesus will also NOT grab a sinner by the scruff of the neck and FORCE them to return. He WILL keep "searching" until the sinner repents, even if it takes a LONG TIME, as in the case of the prodigal son where it took until the prodigal son "came to his senses" and realize that "his father's house" was where he belonged.

Just like the prodigal son, who didn't think we was "worthy" of being a son again, the Father proved the truth…he always was a son and would be restored to a "right relationship" in the family. To the brother, the father also spoke the truth to one "justly offended" by the sin of the brother, God the Father also provides for the faithful one.


So let's also digress here for a minute. This is where I wish I could talk directly to your Pastor.

The pastor has been praying about confronting WS, he has been hesitant to confront him due to their history. WS went to the pastor in Jan 07 and confessed to an emotional affair with this woman but that it ended but he didn't know how to heal from it and reconnect with family. Pastor gave him some assignments and said they would get back together in a few weeks to talk more, but neither on pursued getting back together again, so WS has been blaming the pastor and saying that if he really cared about him that he would have pursued him and seen that there was more to it than that, but he didn't, so the pastor due to this anger has been hesitant to be the one to initiate contact, but he has his address and all phone numbers and is praying about how to proceed. The other reason that he had not contacted him yet, was that he and many others have been praying for him to reach out on his own to one of the men that he was close too, but it is now going on two months and the pastor said it was long enough! I thought it was long enough hours after he left!

So many things in this to talk about.

1. he has been hesitant to confront him due to their history.

This is putting "human reason" ahead of simple obedience to God. The fact that it MIGHT be "uncomfortable" for the Pastor is no excuse for NOT being humbly obedient to God's commands about "church discipline."

2. WS went to the pastor in Jan 07 and confessed to an emotional affair with this woman but that it ended but he didn't know how to heal from it and reconnect with family. Pastor gave him some assignments and said they would get back together in a few weeks to talk more, but neither on pursued getting back together again, so WS has been blaming the pastor and saying that if he really cared about him that he would have pursued him and seen that there was more to it than that, but he didn't, so the pastor due to this anger has been hesitant to be the one to initiate contact, but he has his address and all phone numbers and is praying about how to proceed.

Allow me, if it's not too presumptuous, one believer to another, to "give him Christ's counsel and tell your Pastor the answer to his prayer about how to proceed."

GO. Go physically and in person. A "phone call" will not suffice.

[color: red] "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." [/color] (Matt. 18:15)

Your husband's "justification" for his behavior notwithstanding, there is some truth in what he feels and is using for that "justification." The Pastor DID, in my humble opinion, "drop the ball" when this could have been 'nipped in the bud.' (so did my wife and my Pastor).

This is no longer "dealing with the abstract," but is where APPLICATION of biblical truth is important. It is NOT "what we know," but what we apply to OUR lives that is important. This is, again in my humble opinion, just as true for Pastors as it is for anyone. We are ALL sinners and we all tend to NOT "like" confrontation.

Let me suggest that your Pastor can do both himself and your husband a LOT OF GOOD but being obedient to Christ. Your Pastor did "contribute" to the situation in NOT following up "back then." NOW is the time for him to confess that sin to your husband in humbleness and ask your husband to forgive him. Your husband may or may not "feel forgiving," but the responsibility is only to confess and seek forgiveness. Doing that, in my humble opinion, opens the door to your husband to see that no one is "exempt" from sinning and no one is "incapable of being forgiven, first by God, and second by those who were sinned against.

Doing this "removes" a justification for your husband's continued reluctance to submit his own life and actions to God. The "if the Pastor can sin against me and not repent of it" excuse he uses to justify in his mind his own sinful actions is REMOVED.

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' (Matt. 18:16)

AFTER the Pastor has "done his part," and a little time (if needed) has passed in which your husband can feel the need for his own repentance, and if your husband is still refusing to repent (turn away from his sin of adultery and back TOWARD God, and then back to you), then the "heat" is turned up by the Pastor and one or two elders of the church lovingly confronting him about "obedience to God" as a believer's responsibility…no matter what they are feeling.

[color: red] If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. [/color] (Matt.18:17)

This step, if needed, accomplishes several things.

A. It keeps the "circle of knowledge" of the sin as small as possible should the sinner repent prior to this step.

B. It makes it clear that adultery is UNACCEPTABLE to the church of God as it is expressly forbidden.

C. It does NOT say the sinner "is not saved," it says that there behavior is AS IF they are not saved, and that the "removal of fellowship" is needed to 1)protect the church from any implication that it might 'condone' active unrepentant sinners in the body and 2) holds open the door to RESTORATION of fellowship when the sinner humbles themselves before God and submits to God in repentance. A repentant sinner is to be WELCOMED back into the fellowship because we are ALL forgiven sinners.

3. The other reason that he had not contacted him yet, was that he and many others have been praying for him to reach out on his own to one of the men that he was close too, but it is now going on two months and the pastor said it was long enough!

Prayer is GOOD. But it is no excuse for lack of action. Nathan WENT and confronted David. Believers are commanded by God to GO and lovingly confront, in person, regardless of the "risk" to themselves (David could have had Nathan executed).

IF it "was long enough" when you posted this, WHY has no one GONE and spoken with your husband face to face?
Back on May 19th you stated that the following was the only known "intervention" to date. I assume it is still the only thing that as been done, and it is "inadequate" for obedience to God's commands regarding church discipline to the "angel of your local church."

"the pastor called him Saturday to tell him he is praying for him and wants to see him come to church."

klb, the time for ACTION is today.

Let me make this personal for a moment.

My nephew lost his son to crib death at 6 months of age.

My cousin stepped out in front of a car and was killed at age 32.

My father lost his own father to cancer when my father was 12 years old and was without his father from then on.

My wife lost her mother in a car accident, two weeks before I became aware of her affair.

My father is expected to die in the next day or two, at age 87, deprived of his memory by advanced senile dementia.

We are NOT "promised tomorrow" here on earth. We are only promised "tomorrow" in eternity WITH, or eternally separated FROM, God.

The "Time to ACT" is TODAY. Today is all that God has given us. Forgiveness for the past where needed, Hope for the future, LOVE for all time and for all circumstances.

My "advice" to your Pastor, to your husband, to all of us each day, is to "GO and do the right thing" as God has commanded us.


God bless.


P.S. I live in North Carolina. Take the vacation. Enjoy the diversity of this State from the coast to the mountains.

Foreverhers is exactly right.

My ex and I were long time church members and leaders in our church - conservative Free Evangelical. I prayed about it for a few months and then spoke to our pastor. He called my husband and told him he was no longer welcome in church until he came in and spoke to our pastor.

It didn't stop the affair, and my ex never went and spoke to anyone. But it sure felt good to be supported by my church, especially since so many in our family and our friends did NOTHING.

And it was a wonderful testimony to other members. It showed everyone that forgiveness and reconciliation were available and evil would be confronted.

I did as you suggested and need to spend even more time reflecting on all of this. I am a little awestruck at the changes in myself in just the past 5 weeks. I see what you are saying about the turmoil presented when I was doing Plan A, but now that we are in Plan B just shy of a month, I am not seeing anything but him getting closer to her, and angrier at me(no support for 2 weekS)and abandoning his children. I really want the children to reach out to him, but the people at church feel that if they or we reach out that it will push him further away and make him angrier at us and God. I can see that, but I feel that if he has no contact with anything good all he is doing is entrenching himself more and making it that much harder and longer for him to ever leave without something drastic happening.

I am so frustrated with the situation with the church. I believe that it is God's will that I am still alone with no help, car, or support. I have a few that touch base, but mostly if I don't reach out NO ONE bothers! I discussed the things that you presented about the pastor with him, about a month ago, or more and that was when he called WH. Pastor feels that WH rejected the intervention in April and that until WH is ready to hear it and see any of them that there is nothing to be done but pray! I agree with you they know where he lives I think that they should just show up and try to talk to him! I also know that the pastor would never do that because he is not that way, so here I sit, frustrated and angry! I feel as though I have been grossly neglected by the one place that is supposed to love me through this time! God is with me, but my church is not. Should I email the pastor with your section of the thread in it? I don't know what to do, he said that he briefly looked at the site, but didn't have the time to really get involved! Yeah, I know who really does unless it is them in crisis!!!!!

I am not sure how to proceed. I called the lawyer to find out what the rules are about taking the kids on vacation. There is no divorce filed, no custody filed, nothing, so I don't want to notify him. I think out of spite he would come in the house and have sex with OW and take what he could! But maybe that is only because I am afraid to go that my mind and Satan are making these thoughts.

As for the section:
I believe that my husband was the seed among the thorns. He believes, but lets other things get more prominent in his life and loses his perspective and then he gets lukewarm or even cold. He is very black and white, so he has expressed that he has questions that no one can answer about faith, but when answered he likes to play "devil's advocate" and in a sense talks himself and tries to talk others to his line of thinking even though he really believes I think he has finally allowed Satan to win and convince him that God doesn't love him or want him. He says even through this that he believes in God and Jesus' death on the cross to save us from our sin, but he doesn't think that he is one of those because God stopped answering his prayers and allowed all this bad to happen.


February 1999 we were in a horrible car accident on our way to our then home in VA. I broke both my legs and my left arm. Had to have reconstructive surgery and learn to walk again, dr didn't think walking would even be possible. Then in late May we found out that I was pregnant, I began walking with a walker in June and eventually progressed to a cane when our daughter was born in Jan of an emergency C-section. Then 6 mos later we moved back to PA so I could be a stay at home mom. We lived with my parents for 6mos till we bought our first home (Dec 2000) we started attending a wonderful bible believing church and in Feb 2002 my husband and I decided to be rebaptised, he was the one that explained it to our families that this was a decision that we made because of our choice to live our lives serving and living for Christ, and that baptism is a public profession of this faith. He was growing and changing and becoming a different man, then in Aug our son was born. He was doing great at his job and was getting promotions and making good money and he even had a few people at work that he could talk about God with and he was taking and reading his Bible at work on shift during down times. Then in Jan/Feb of 2003 I had a miscarriage and he started to drift emotionally due to my depression and increasing hours and stress at work, we went for a few counseling sessions, and we started to reconnect with one another and things were good again. We moved to our current home in May of 2005 and in Aug of that year I had to have another reconstructive surgery on my rt leg due to problems and a golfball sized cyst on my achilles tendon. Surgery was a huge success, but husband was distant during recovery and had a hard time seeing me struggle. In April 2006 I ended up in the ER for a terrible case of tonsilitis, and found out that night that we were pregnant with our second son. This was the beginning of the end so to speak. H apparently never dealt with guilt from the time of the accident and then all the subsequent things that have happened to me since the initial accident, and he started to disconnect emotionally. I was put on bed rest in late Aug due to a severe case of bronchitis with coughing so hard I was coughing up blood and having probs with pregnancy. By this time husband and OW were "friends" and then in late Sept I was diagnosed with Herpes, that was systemic, well since I wasn't with anyone but husband and he was distant and away a lot, I asked him if there was anything that he needed to tell me, he said no. Things continued he was "working" about 80 hours a week due to a government test they were undergoing, but during this time he was also getting closer to OW and I don't know when but they began SF during this time too. I received anonymous phone calls telling me of the affair and at one point someone posted signs at work announcing their affair and the FBI got involved and investigated, he told me that none of it was true BLAH BLAH BLAH, however in the end I found out that this was not true that she (aparently with his help) bought a house about a mile if that down the street from our home and that no they never had sex on site, but that it was all off site (found this out after he had left home). So, on it goes to DofD in March 2008. So, I believe that Satan and God were trying all these years to get him to let go of his guilt, but in the end Satan won that battle and he never has left go of all the guilt that he has carried for 9 years now, and this OW has none of that, she is just easy and no reminders of the pain and responsibility! The thing is I have NEVER blamed him for the accident or anything since, I have ALWAYS striven to help him to see that it was JUST AN ACCIDENT! I love him and I just want him to repent and go to God, give it all to him and let God heal him and make him the amazing man he was becoming around the time of our baptism and birth of our first son! God is able WH just needs to repent and see God's hand, he is so blind he cant even see how God has been protecting him even now!!!!

Well, it appears that something worked. I just checked the bank and on Saturday, our anniversary, he deposited the past 2 weeks voluntary support!
At least there is that! I just wish that he would reach out for contact with his kids and start the process to healing, but I am rejoicing for at least one step in the direction of doing the right thing!

Received this in an email and it made me realize that I need to work towards joy it doesn't just happen! Hope this helps someone else today:

Seven Ways to Cultivate Joy
by Insight for Living
Want more joy in your day? Cultivate it! Joy springs from viewing the day’s events from eternity’s perspective. With this intentional focus, you’re sure to see today differently—with more joy and conviction that God is at work in your life.
1. Rehearse with God the reasons you trust Him. Tell Him which of His attributes is your favorite right now. Read the praises of Scripture back to Him—begin with Psalm 103. Join with another believer in prayers of thanksgiving, and delight yourself in His character.
2. Keep a “joy journal.” Record the reasons you have to rejoice and the reminders of God’s faithfulness that you encounter in your everyday life. In addition, why not press a leaf from your prayer walks into its pages or include a photo of a person that brings you joy each time you remember him or her? Think big—expand your journal into a “joy box” or a “joy drawer” that brings floods of joy each time you open it.
3. Surround yourself with joyful people. Joy is contagious—so build relationships with friends whose lives exhibit their confidence in God. Pray for each other that your joy in Christ would continue to increase.
4. Approach life’s challenges and trials redemptively. God doesn’t waste the difficult circumstances of your life but uses them to develop His character in you. Review Romans 5 and James 1 for help in processing pressure productively. Joy will sneak up on you when you view your hardest lessons as gifts from God.
5. Make praise and gratitude a habit. Has God met a need? Praise Him! Have your challenges given you greater opportunities to see Him work? Thank Him! Joy flows from a grateful and responsive heart. Before you turn in at night, write down three to five blessings in your “joy journal.” Make it a habit, and watch your joyful attitude grow.
6. Fill your mind with music. Listen to, sing, and meditate on music that draws your heart nearer to God and His Word.
7. Take the long view. Investors advise their clients not to worry about the daily ups and downs of the stock market—what matters is the long view. Does life present incredible challenges today? Are your reserves at a low, or are you enjoying a content plateau? Regardless of today’s events, take the long view. Remember that God remains in charge of your days and will faithfully develop His character in you.
Remember, joy springs from viewing the day’s events from eternity’s perspective. Trust that God controls your life’s details (Romans 8:28), that He hears your every request (Psalm 116:1), and that His joy will be your strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
Adapted from “Seven Ways to Cultivate Joy,” Insights (March 2001): 2. Copyright © 2001 by Insight for Living. All rights reserved worldwide.

Wonderful! That's great news. I know that's one less worry for you. I agree, it's a step in the "right" direction. Hopefully things will turn around for you. I'm certainly praying for you.

kl,

Regarding notification of the vacation to your WH - I would probably just open a gmail account and email him from that account to let him know that I was going out of town. Give him the particulars, and that is it:

"The kids and I are going with my parents to New York City from July 20th to July 28th. We will stay at the Windsor Hotel 555-1234. In the event of an emergency you may email me at this account. Once the vacation is over, I will delete this email account. Thank you."


That gives him the pertinent information, and emergency contact, and limits the window of opportunity for any contact beyond the vacation window. It also allows for "notification" to him. He hasn't called, so I don't think he's particularly worried about it.


You are on a normal rollercoaster ride, kl. Your emotions will go up and down, and some days will be better than others. It goes with the territory. I wish I could say that it would be better if he were at home with you, but actually it isn't much different. Your worries about the OW and the affair, well, the emotional rollercoaster goes up and down with the WS out of the home or in the home. Even after the WS decides to return home, that rollercoaster still has lots of hills and valleys left in the ride.

Hang in there. Focus on calm thoughts when you are in a panic, and try to think about the things you really do control.

This affair was NOT your fault. While the concept that you were not fulfilling his ENs is partially correct, it is NOT why he had the affair. He had the affair because he was completely wrapped up in himself, what he wanted, what he needed, and focused only on his own needs. You see, had he given any thought to the situation, he might have seen the entire picture here:


What could I do to make my marriage better? Could the marriage be better if I focused my energy on talking with my wife about the feelings I am having? Could the problems I see at home possibly be improved by looking at the needs my wife has, the needs I am not filling? Is my marriage being placed as a priority in my life? When is the last time I looked at my relationship with my wife and evaluated the amount of energy and time I have put into it? How am I going about showing my wife that she is the one woman who deserves my complete attention?

When is the last time I really listened to my wife, and understood what she thought was lacking in our relationship? Have I really attempted to hear that from her, and have I put any effort into loving her?


Because to tell you the truth, kl, the state of the marriage was the problem.

Not YOU.

The marriage needed work.

An affair - that was his decision. HE CHOSE NOT TO WORK ON THE MARRIAGE. He did that.

It was not the solution to the state of the marriage. Instead of BUILDING the marriage, and making repairs to the problems in the relationship,

It was the nuclear bomb, don't you think? Instead of working on his relationship with you,

He chose to sneak a terrorist into your marriage, and helped her to bomb the household from the inside out.

That, kl, has NOTHING to do with YOU.


SB

Can Someone Help Me?

I have been married for 11 years. The problem that I am having with my husband is that he talks and texts other ladies on his phone. We have had this problem for a few years. In the past, I have gone through his phone and confronted him about the texts. I have also looked at our phone bill and confronted him about numerous calls being made to specific people. Now I know the type of person he is. He loves people and communicates all the time to family and friends. I have told him that it bothers me for him to communicate with the opposite sex so much and he said that he would deal with it. Here is my bigger problem. I have access to his personal email account, and I have seen some of the things that he has written to other women. Should I approach him with this or what? If I do I feel that it will be a BIG problem. But I can't stand the fact that he is trying to hook up with other women.

I have been married for 11 years. The problem that I am having with my husband is that he talks and texts other ladies on his phone. We have had this problem for a few years. In the past, I have gone through his phone and confronted him about the texts. I have also looked at our phone bill and confronted him about numerous calls being made to specific people. Now I know the type of person he is. He loves people and communicates all the time to family and friends. I have told him that it bothers me for him to communicate with the opposite sex so much and he said that he would deal with it. Here is my bigger problem. I have access to his personal email account, and I have seen some of the things that he has written to other women. Should I approach him with this or what? If I do I feel that it will be a BIG problem. But I can't stand the fact that he is trying to hook up with other women.

Thank you all for your love and concern, but I have made some decisions today. I have decided that I am done, with all of it! I called to speak to the pastor, but he was too busy, so I told the secretary to just leave a note saying that I would like to be removed from the membership there and that no he didn't need to call me back that he hadn't bothered in the past three months that this has been happening so why would he bother now. I don't agree that God loves me I feel that if he did then this would not be happening, I am being punished and I don't know what for, but I must be a really despicable horrible person to have all of what I have gotten in the last 9 years, and if this means that I go to hell, then so be it, because maybe my salvation wasn't real either. Maybe I wasn't worth it either, so that is okay, I don't have anything so what is one less thing! I appreciate that you all tried with me, but NO ONE here did, NO ONE wants me, NO ONE cared enough to do tell my H that he is a piece of crap and that he needs to get his head out of his butt, so maybe it is me! Maybe I am a worthless piece of crap, so why not, I GIVE UP! I AM DONE!!!!! I can't do this anymore all I am doing is lying to myself anyway, so I am going to do the right thing I am going to Give him HIS children and I am moving on. With the nothing that I am and have.

Thank you all for trying!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Many times I lost my faith in God during my ex's affair. I even got to the point where I stopped praying - not only for my marriage, but for anything. It just seemed like a waste of time and hope.

KLB, school is getting out in five minutes, I can't write more.

Please know how much you are in my thoughts.

(((((((((((((KL))))))))))))), Please don't give up. You are NOT a despicable horrible person. You do not deserve this. What your WH is doing is all about HIS choices, not yours. Cry out to God, He DOES hear you and knows your heart. Let your husband go and let God deal with him. There is nothing you can do right now except be still.

I hear your hurt and frustration about the people in your life, especially your pastor. That's painful. People will ALWAYS let you down, no matter their stature in life. God knows your need. Give it all to Him. Right now. We're here for you.

KLB,

I am praying so hard for you right now. I pray that I misunderstood what you wrote today. I am so sorry i wasn't able to be on this afternoon. You are a brave, intelligent young woman who loves a selfish,thoughtless man. Please come back on and talk to us. You will get through this. We all have, one way or the other. That's why we can help you. Please give us a chance.

God's Blessings,

Say

klb, I understand the feeling. "Been there, done that."

I'll be around if you want to talk anymore.

Something to think about....who was "there" for Jesus? Why did he do what he did anyway?

God bless.

{{{{{{{{{{{KLB}}}}}}}}}}}

Praying for you and your kids again today!

{{{{{KLB}}}}}

I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. Please remember that this is part of the roller coaster that we all have to ride. There will be really down moments where you think you just can't do this anymore. But a few days pass, and you gain a little strength again.

You can do this, KLB. You really can.

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds."

"I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."