Not even with a stake through his heart? Sorry, I enjoyed this visual way too much!

Our divorce was final last week. I'am currently still willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild, she wants space.

I miss sharing the responsibility. Sometimes I hate that it all falls on my shoulders now. There are times I feel out of place as a single person, but they are less and less.

I don't miss him.

All told, I think the only thing I miss is the idea of a nuclear family. Most of the other things I missed, I missed while I was married. Comfortable companionship, dialog, sex, friendship, help around the house, financial support.

Just about the only need my ex met was family commitment, and only in the sense of spending time with the kids. He did little else to take care of our family.

So, I had an easier time adjusting.

I realized some time ago that a lot of the things I "missed" weren't really present in my marriage: a partner I could talk to as an equal, a friend I could trust, someone to lean on and support me, sex, etc. However, sometimes I miss parts of my old life:

I miss being naive and trusting. My rose colored glasses were shattered. While my current relationship is so many ways better than my marriage, I don't think I can ever be that trusting.

I miss my stepsons. I had looked forward to watching them marry and being a grandmother. My XWH's family has made sure that I will probably never see the boys again by brainwashing and lies. I went from a house full of teenagers to none (DD at college).

My XWH is a high school football coach. In the fall, I sometimes miss the excitement of Friday night games and being the coaches wife.

It's easy to think of those things when I'm tired. I see it as a red flag to take a little time for myself. My new life is so different and it's easy to look to the comfort of that old routine. Then I realize that I am so much happier and emotionally healthier now.

...every waking and sleeping moment of my life...

I agree very much. The things I miss I now realize were not really there. Mainly that someone loved me, cared about me and would always be there for me. That was an illusion that was shattered. I was naive and trusting and it's very hard for me to trust anymore. When women are nice to me now I can't help but think there is an ulterior motive.

That gets easier with time BHHFSGuy.

When I first met my boyfriend, I was still reeling from the broken trust from the affair. I thought for sure I was being lied to, played and was expecting the rug to be pulled from under me.

I talked with my boyfriend about it. Explained the hurt I felt. Made sure he knew that I was in no way missing my STBXH, but feeling the pain of betrayal. My boyfriend told me he understood and would do what ever it took to prove to me that he was for real. He told me if it took the rest of his life, he would do it.

I think talking to your new partner is the best way to heal. Make them understand the hurt, and they (if they are serious) will do whatever it takes to help you heal.

I still have my moments, but they are few and far between.

Came across this article and thought of this thread..

A life for sale

I pretty much feel this same way. I do miss my stepson and just simply having someone there. The other things, I gave up on wanting and needing so long ago in the marriage, it is pathetic.

Dating is very hard now compared to when I was younger. Everything is so difficult when you have two people who have real lives and obligations. I think that feeling makes the feeling of wanting "someone" there worse at times.

You know, the only thing that I really miss is having someone around to occupy the kids so I could get things done. Oh wait, and one other thing... I used to be a lot more organized when I had someone around that did that for me. Right now, I struggle to keep the house clean, kids fed right, and I feel sometimes that I have to 'compete' with my ex... my kids always have so much fun with him, and the reality of day to day life is boring to them.

So I feel a little bad that on my off days I have to do all of my 'household' jobs, and the kids are used to their dad, on his off days when he has them, just having fun with them.

Other than that? I am actually happier than I was with him, and I enjoy a lot of my life a lot more...

I know what you mean. We can't mss what we didn't have. I had it at first...

Sadmo wrote "Right now, I struggle to keep the house clean, kids fed right, and I feel sometimes that I have to 'compete' with my ex... my kids always have so much fun with him, and the reality of day to day life is boring to them."

I have felt that way before. Not so much anymore. ExH has a wife who cleans up after him so he has time to do whatever he wants...sometimes I think it would be nice to have a wife as well!

I started making time to play w/the kids but something had to give. I am unorganized but lately things have been getting easier. I have done a ton to my house in a little over a week while the kids have been at camp.

Thanks for all the input!

have felt that way before. Not so much anymore. ExH has a wife who cleans up after him so he has time to do whatever he wants...sometimes I think it would be nice to have a wife as well!

That's the best one I've heard all day!! I needed a big grin and a laugh!!!

My twin brother's wife has a saying.

"It's good to be the husband, I think I'll go and find myself a wife".

HEY! I got myself a wife!!! Okay not exactly but it's what you are looking for. I got a boarder shortly after WstbxH moved out. I charge her next to nothing in exchange for certain chores. She is absolutely amazing! She mows the lawn, does the dishes, vaccumms, cleans the bathrooms. She even cooks for me sometimes and she folds my laundry and puts it away. She even takes the garbage out and - are you ready for this (better sit down!!!) - she actually BRINGS THE EMPTY CANS AND BOXES BACK IN AND REPLACES THE BAG!!!! Seriously, I thought I was the only human being alive who had ever done such a thing!

It just makes me wonder why any man would leave any woman for any reason whatsoever.

Boy that sounds like a good deal!! Wish I could find a trustable female in this area to help out like that!! I've been living totally alone for over a year now. It gets kind of lonesome way out here in the boonies. Only good thing about it is I'm the only one I have to clean up after so there's generally not much to do!

It always kills me how women can get into the whole man hating mode with stuff like this. Never see men do this. Learn from your troubles and insist on better boundries from then on out.

But, with regard to the topic, either party can give and have a perceived wrong done to them. I did more than 50% of the housework, yardwork, child care and entertainment in my marriage. This was due to a number of reasons to complex to get into here.

But, I digress, point is that either side can be "the wife". Also, what typically happens is that one person in the relationship takes and does not give.(My ex wife)

I always think if we all just thought more about the other person than ourself, there would be no failed marriages, no adultery, and happiness. But, maybe I am just a hopeless romantic or half glass full kind of guy? I wish everyone could find that kind of love someday, the world would be a better, less lonely place...

I'm not into the "man hating mode". I'm dating - more than one guy - I'm not ready to settle down again yet!

In fact I agree that each one should look at the other's needs as much as their own. Dr. Harley's article on how the co-dependency movement is ruining marriages is one of the best I've read.

Only problem is, usually there is so much resentment built up in a marriage before either party tries to save it that both have to go against their instincts to save the marriage. Of course in a case where there is an addict involved, other things have to be taken into consideration. Dr. H helped me see a couple of things in a couple of relationships that I would have kept on making excuses for the other person if he hadn't pointed them out and said - run for cover. So I listened to him and am fairing a whole lot better for having done so. Life is actually more enjoyable with those prospects out of the pic.

One day I'll meet a guy that as Dr. H put it - the logics of the situation line up before I let the romanitic feelings get involved and then maybe I'll have the man I need and be the woman he needs me to be!!

Not all men are the same, nor are all women the same. That's one reason he encourages lots of dating before settling on one and lots of learning about that one before settling down!!

I'm all for it!!

RMW,

It looks like you were trying to reply to the Serious Relationship thread, if not, I think this fits in quite nicely there, maybe you could copy and paste it there too.

Just replying to gf's post and throwing in my own two cents to go with it.

Actually there are things I miss about my "old life"... the sex for one! When he wasn't going through one of his control & abuse rounds, it was the best sex I've ever had. He still comes to mind when my hormones get to rolling. That may be a 'serious' answer too - but it's an honest post to the title "Do youever miss your old life?"!

I know that til I find someone & get serious, sex is stuck in my imagination!!