RB, you ROCK!!!! You are an inspiration!!! I've respected you from the start but this is just the best thing I've every read. Way to go!!!!

Great story, RB!

I thought that would be her reaction. That's the reaction it SHOULD be, too.

I know many won't believe this of me, but I truly feel bad for the choices that waywards make - especially when the full force of what they have done smacks them upside the head again, and again, and again.

It's a hard thing for a loving BS to watch - this realization and remorse that a former wayward has to come to terms with.

It's a necessary thing, but still very hard.

Jerry,
Those were my exact concerns over telling my wife about this. But, when I weighed all of my options, I just felt like it would be more destructive if she found out later and I hadn’t been honest with her. If I had just seen OM with his new OW or if we had just exchanged a few unpleasant words, I probably would have been more willing to just keep it to myself to protect my wife, but I’m afraid that after that picture I sent that word would eventual reach my wife anyway and the last thing I want her to think is that I’m not willing to give her the same respect of being honest that I expect from her.

I find myself continuing to walk a fine line. I am still pursuing recovery of our marriage as aggressively as possible while at the same time trying not to push my wife too far. I want a recovered marriage with a recovered wife. I don’t want her to be destroyed in the process and her emotions are very much on the edge with all that she has been dealing with thrown on top of the normal hormonal changes associated with being pregnant.

While we were on vacation last week, I was thinking that it felt like I was living my life on some movie screen because this couldn’t all be real could it? Maybe I need to write a fictional/semi-biographical novel about all of this and see if I could sell the screen play.

I think you are very much headed in that direction.....

Good job on telling the wife....

not2fun

That was excatly my thinking, reading your story. The scene where you caught them in the action, the scene where you described how you reacted, the discovery of your wife's pregnancy, the scene where you ran into OM at Stabucks. They are almost too surreal to be true. They all seem to be scenes you can watch only at the theater or on TV.

RB:



Devious and calculating for a good cause is just fine, imho. Nailing the OM hide to the wall is a good thing. Dealing with one's weaknesses is much easier without predators lurking around.

I can only imagine what thoughts circulated in our wife's mind as she dealt with your revelation. I suspect she is still dealing with the essential "Why did I?" syndrom. Given your reactions as expressed here, she is having a heck of a time laying off the blame. One factor would hold true and that is the BS learning that the OP is NOT who they thought they were and in point of fact, is a rat. That helps the healing process, I have been told.

In my opinion, you are not going to get back your wife but instead, get back a more grownup version. That is a good thing in my book. Adversity that doesn't kill us often can make us better people. I suspect your own introspection will have the same effect. Certainly your wife's affair will follow the both of you for the rest of your lives irrespective of how you both deal with it. You appear to be headed toward building a new relationship upon the ashes of the old one. That would seem the best course for making chicken soup out of the chicken excreta bad choices created for both of you.

All the best

Larry

I understand RB,

This was truly what my caution to you was about.


As usual, you have done a marvelous job of discerning that issue.

All Blessings to you,
Jerry

I thought I was getting devious, but OMW has me beat hands down. I just got an email from her letting me know her plans so that I wouldn’t be surprised by any fallout. This could very well be the day the OM’s world comes crashing down. It seems that after I sent that photo to her earlier this week that she has been comparing notes with the husband of OM’s “new” girlfriend. Apparently she isn’t so new, because her husband found evidence on her computer that clearly shows that their affair had been going on for at least 3 years. This was the final straw for OMW to realize that she was dealing with a serial cheater and that she was through with him.

They were supposed to close on their new house today, but instead, he is going to be served with D papers when he arrives at the lawyer’s office. OMW was packing up their kids and going to her parent’s house after he left for work this morning. She has already diverted the movers to take all of their furniture to a storage unit and removed the money from their joint checking account. She has given her lawyer all of the evidence she has accumulated which apparently includes a DVD that the new GF’s husband found of the two of them committing the act. She has also sent exposure letters to his parents and siblings that include photos that she extracted from that DVD which should arrive via Fedex this afternoon. She warned me that both my wife and I may be called to give a deposition. I’m really ready to just move on but it seems that everywhere we turn there are new consequences to pay. My hope is that the evidence she currently has will be all that’s necessary. I dread the thought of having to break the news to my wife that she has been subpoenaed and will have to testify about her affair. I’m still trying to figure out how all of this could play into our plans for dealing with OC and trying to get him to relinquish his parental rights.

Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving. It’s amazing the amount of collateral damage one man can create with all of the BS’s and the affected children. I’m off to lunch now with the new GF’s BH. He called yesterday to see if I would meet him for lunch. Hopefully I can at least help him a little since he’s sitting where I was 2 ½ months ago. If nothing else, maybe I can steer him to MB. I don’t know where I would be right now without having the support of people on this site to bounce ideas off of and to give me that encouragement that I’m doing the right thing even though it may not seem like it at the time.

Wow, just wow. Good for OM's wife for recognizing that her POSH is a serial cheater. He leaves a wide path of destruction. Sheesh. I seriously doubt that you're going to have ANY problems with getting this POSOM to relinquish, I think he's going to have bigger things to worry about. Just a read of his divorce transcript will sway any judge BIG TIME about custody issues concerning your new baby.

Wow. Just wow.

The chickens are coming home to roost for OM. That's great news!

That guy's poor wife!

I feel so bad for her....and for the NGF's hubby.

That man leaves a wide path of destruction everywhere he touches, huh?

So justice really does exists in this world.

Who would have thunk it!!

All blessings,
Jerry

Oh, it does, Jerry.

It really does.

(content sigh)

Looks like the karma bus (er, moving van?) is rolling to town for OM.....wow, what a story! I'm sorry it's your life, but you have handled it with such class!!

I just had a most interesting lunch. It seems that after OM’s wife forwarded the picture I sent her of OM and his new GF, GF’s husband spent the rest of the night scouring her computer and their house for more evidence. She was supposed to be out of town on business, but we all know that wasn’t true. He found emails between the two of them going back for almost three years. He was really ticked because they had been friends with OM and his wife, even going on vacation with them every year. He also found out from the emails that they had apparently had SF while vacation together with their spouses. He was reading and printing emails when he came across one from a few days before OM left to start his new job. That email talked about a tape to help her “remember” him by. This led GF’s husband to search the house until he found the DVD.

I also learned that GF’s husband is a lawyer and he’s not in a forgiving mood. He spent the rest of the night moving all of her stuff out into the driveway. He figured that the two lovebirds were over at OM’s house and that she would see her stuff when they tried to sneak out the next morning. He has already filed for LS and is just waiting until the law allows him to file for D. He is also working up an alienation of affection lawsuit to hit OM with. He said that he knows that will be hard to win, but he will consider it a win if OM has to put out for legal fees and go to court. So, it is apparently going to get very ugly for OM in the coming days. He wanted to meet with me to get me to give him a signed statement of what I saw that night at Starbucks. He also offered to file an alienation of affection lawsuit for me pro bono if I wanted him to. I just told him that I would rather focus on recovering my marriage at this point but thanks for the offer.

I’m just hoping that with everything this guys going to throw at OM that he will not contest his divorce too vigorously and require me or my wife to give a deposition. In fact, I don’t think I’m going to mention any of this to her at this point. She has enough to deal with without worrying about OM’s divorce for the next 6 months. It does do me a lot of good to see that Om is getting all that he deserves and that I had at least a little part in bringing it about. I think I’m going to just try to avoid all of this confusion for a while on focus on recovery my marriage and healing my family.

Thanks again to all of you who have come around to encourage me. I'm sure some of this may be entertaining if I wasn't living it. I joked about it making a good novel, but it's not too good when you're living it. I'm just a simple guy who wants to live his life quietly and peacefully which is what I was doing until about 10 weeks ago.

This just keeps getting better and better.


Nope, not entertaining, at least not for me, but rather very inspirational. It's also GREAT for new BS(s) here to see that sometimes justice does prevail.

RB,

Appreciate the strength & wisdom you show and providing updates.

This OM is a real slime ball - not sure if I would have been as controlled as you.

Have a buddy going thru the same and he has been lurking on your thread. He is around 56 yo - vietnam vet, was ready to retire from the telco and she is 49 yo. Might have mentioned this earlier.

Not to T/J - Anyway - they have 3 grown children and cpl of grandkids. She took off for 6 mos and came back with a "prize". She is now in 2nd trimester. Very difficult situation because retirement was around the corner and the prospect of raising another man's child till he is in the 70's. I am sure D could very well have a strong appeal for him. No easy solution to this crap.

marriedandlonely,

That isn't a bus, it is a loaded cement truck. This is really going to get messy.

JL

RB,

Ya know the best thing that could happen is the baby your W is carrying is going to have YOU for a father. I am serious. I know you are hurt (who would not be), but man that guy is scum.

OM's GF's H (love a good double possessive) sounds like he is going to really bury OM. It is what he deserves. Better yet you don't have to do it, you just go to light the fuse.

I really don't think your W has a clue as to what she has in her husband, but I do know that as time goes on, she will know. You should be very proud RB.

God Bless,

JL