...or her newly bestowed GOLDEN SHOVEL.

Guys, I, too, am ready to be divorced. It didn't take me long to get there this time out. It only took three years and miles of damamge, but I'm there. Plan B has done it's job. I see very clearly. It's going to be some time now before it can happen, since there is a one year waiting period. That's okay, though. I'm not bristling to move on with someone else. PWC is not the man for me now. He doesn't 'get' it, and I cannot be with someone who doesn't.

I'm counting my blessings, your friendships being among them.

Um, yeah. Thanks for the editing. No parties for the SCQ. No cupcakes. God only knows what I would put in them.

When I was trying to decide how I felt about her the other day, I kept coming back to "I kind of wish that she didn't exist." I was reminded (by LilSis, actually) that she's the only mother my kids will ever have, and that they love her, and would it really be good for me to wish that away from them?

Which took me to a different place. I got a TM from the SCQ the other day asking me a simple but urgent question about her car (did I know where the keys to the wheel locks were). I responded no, but offered a suggestion.

I can imagine a day where I am friendly with her. Being angry and working to avoid contact takes too much energy. If I were to try to do it now, however, I would feel the need to tell her what I think. It's like "I can't be nice to you until after I've unloaded some of the things I've been holding back." My IC asked me whether those things could be worked out by posting or writing them out. To some extent they can.

I intend to keep up the Plan B for the foreseeable future. And I am Done, at least for now. I won't rule anything out for the future, but I'm going to start looking around once the ink is dry. My IC agrees with me that the affair will end eventually but thinks that I won't be interested in the SCQ if and when she pulls her head out. She thinks I will find someone better suited for me. Maybe someone who gets Python, or can keep up with me intellectually, or can make me laugh.


I'm no longer interested in doing this, either. Or at least, taking the chance that she will get it at some point in the future. I would have to see a whole lot more up front than I think she is capable of.

And yes, I do communicate with LilSis via email from time to time. I don't really talk about it because it's frowned on by some around here, but she's doing really well. I'll try to get her to post an update (and pass along everyone's concern).

Of where to put them when she finds them?

I'm not nearly as angry as I once was, especially right after PWC left this last time. I've let a lot of it go. The peace I had been after for so long has set in. It's a good thing. The prospect of finding someone well suited for me gets me a little excited. The LOOKING for them does not. I think I'll just let things happen, keep my eyes peeled. Who knows? Don't they say good things come to those who wait?

I have no problems with you emailing Sis. Of course, I'm biased, since I have email contact with the Killer Bee's pretty regularly. I actually wish I had gotten more of the Bee's email addy's. Meh. If I lived anywhere NEAR the drones, I can see how it has the possibility of becoming a problem. I made a decision to work on my marriage, and that is what I did.

Anyway, 'nough said.

Lincoln said, "Good things may come to those who wait, but only what's left behind by those who hustle."

I don't think he was talking about relationships though. More like massive military campaigns with the survival of the Union in the balance. He probably would agree with you on relationships. What's the hurry?

I find it interesting that I am NOT angry. I pity WH.

He did what he did because he is flawed. I KNOW he didn't hurt me with the intention of hurting me. Like, "watch this, this will about kill her."

I, really, was an afterthought.

He is in for a world of heartache. No matter what the judge decides. His DDs get to make the decision on their relationships with him. No one can FORCE them to love him or respect him.

WH lost the most precious things in the world. It's a shame he doesn't see it yet.

There are some things he said in court on Wednesday that showed me just how low he is emotionally. If DD14 knew that he used her grades against me (she has ALWAYS struggled) she would be pretty angry.

He also said that he "suspected" that I influenced her opinion of him. He said that she did not tell him this, though.

He knows better......it's just the justifcations hanging on to help him survive.

I will survive this much better than he will. He has a long way to fall.

My anger has left the building.

Fox

Didn't I swear off making cupcakes after last year? What was I thinking?

Fox, almost all of what you posted resonates with me. I've been an afterthought--an inconvenience--for something like three years now. SO MUCH of my anger has dissipated. But not all.

We've all said it before, but I remain grateful that I am the betrayed spouse rather than the wayward one. The bottom is lurking out there and will hit our wayward spouses like a freight train one of these days.

And like you said on your thread, I really appreciate the support I've gotten from this place and my friends here. I wish we didn't have the reason to know one another, but I'm glad that we do.

We're starting to sound like Bartles and Janes

Maybe one day we can all sit around and salute them

As long as you aren't talking about a HEE HAW kind of SAAL-UTE,,,,,,,,I'm in. I gave up popping out of corn fields several years ago. I prefer the comfort of a nice bar stool, or at minimum, a comfortable lawn chair!

Welcome Back, SD!

Glad vaca was so good for all of your family!

Sounds like the Done-O-Meter is almost pegged to the top for you, and I am not surprised. However, don't get used to it staying there all of the time,,,,,,,,,I have a feeling you may find some moments yet where it eases back to the 3/4 mark or even lower.

The difference between now and just a few weeks ago is your ability to recognize it but not give it much attention. You, like so many of us, have found your way in living life without wearing the Done-O-Meter on our arms like a watch. Looking at it every 5 seconds to see if you've MADE it to the Finally Done reading.

These are aren't really 'new' feelings, but rather ones that are more peaceful and are now sustained for long periods of time. And they are feelings that we Like and Accept as part of our new lives.

Hope you have a great weekend!

It was a good weekend. We had a really good time at DD5's party Friday night. 8 or 9 kids, which seemed like just the right amount, and they all ran and jumped around until they were exhausted. The cupcakes (which DD5 helped me with) received compliments.

Saturday the kids suffered through me visiting with some friends who were in town for a wedding, and then on Sunday we went to see WALL-E, which we all enjoyed. Now I have the kids for the next week and will try to keep things fun. Single parenting ain't easy, though.


I'm beginning to think that there are two meters, the DONE For Now meter and the DONE FOREVER meter.

Forever is a long time, so I'm not making any statements about that. The SCQ has never tried to hurt me and is the mother of my children, for whom I would do just about anything. Who knows what will happen.

But my Done For Now meter is finally pegged. It's not what I want, but I no longer have any energy or interest in fighting it: it's plain that the SCQ is very far gone. I think this is the place BR wanted me to get to. I think I would have been here sooner but for Jennifer keeping me going with the letter-writing.

I think the SCQ is more concerned about getting money than about finalizing the divorce, because the refinance is what she asks about in her emails. I kind of assume it is POSOM pressuring her and shudder to think what she will do with the money, so I try not to think about it.

But I'm ready to be divorced. I find myself with an urge to reach out and punch the hornet's nest just to keep things moving along. Maybe an email like this:

"Just for clarity, are you more concerned about finalizing the divorce or getting your hands on the money from the house? I still think that divorce is the wrong thing for us, but we might as well get it over with so that at least our kids won't have to continue watching you sleep with one man while being married to another."

Or is that too harsh?

Ummmm.....I dunno. I'm still stuck on this:



Fox

If you are intent on sending an email of that sort, just say something like "Wow, you sure are concerned about hurrying this along, is something wrong?"

On a completely unrelated note--what's with the quoting of movies for edit reasons? Is this a new trend? Sorry, I was just curious.

Yeah, I thought that might raise some eyebrows. There are a few exceptions, but for the most part I simply became an inconvenience about three years ago when she checked into Hotel Infidelity. I don't think she has ever wanted to hurt me, and I think she has tried to spare me pain where she could. She has respected Plan B better than most I've seen on here. She never tried to get more than 50% custody of the kids. She could have gotten more money from me if she wanted to, but I think she wanted to be fair. I think she just wanted to get away.

Upon reflection, the exceptions, where she was trying to hurt me, came when I threatened POSOM somehow. The time I went into the place where she used to work and POSOM still did, or when I was talking with his wife. Those were the times that she lashed out at me, and I think it was because he whipped her into a frenzy.

Not that it's much of a redemption. To be so weak and shallow that one could be manipulated this effectively for this long is not exactly any kind of selling point.

I could be wrong, of course. It's possible that she's just a [censored] and concealed it for 13 years, but I don't really think so. Nor does anyone who knows her.

Doesn't matter.


Thanks for stopping by. It came when they implemented the new board. You didn't used to be able to do it, so it was something new. All of a sudden you could add a little bit to the bottom of your post--like a footnote, in smaller font. It was an opportunity for humor for a few of us who think things like the opening credits for Monty Python and the Holy Grail are funny. Then we started using movie quotes. Sometimes I try to match up the quote with my mood. Not sure if there's a method to Chrisner's madness.

SD,

Sorry my friend, but I am going to have to call you out. I don't think the Done-O-Meter is truly pegged out. Methinks thou doest protest too much.



I DO think your feelings are in the process of changing, but this doesn't say DONE to me,,, it says you are finally ANGRY. And you have every right to be angry.

I am not 'done' completely in that I acknowledge I still have safely stored way love for Drac, but I have (I think) let go. Which is what I think BR has coached you towards. I no longer feel that urge to write those things. Yes,,, they cross my mind - but I don't even really feel the 'urge' to bother putting them in writing. They will do no good.

OR

Perhaps for YOU,,, the true test of the Done o Meter being pegged IS that you are finally able to express the anger.

Perhaps it's a male vs female perspective.

Either way, things have changed for you. How do YOU really feel about those changes?

Thanks for the thoughts, Bugs. The anger has always been there and is still around if I look for it. Or open the door wide enough. Bitterness is a better word for it, maybe.

Today I'm tired, because being a single parent is exhausting. DD5 doesn't want to wake up, doesn't want to wear that dress, doesn't want to pick out something else, doesn't want to go to day care. Making lunches, doing laundry, putting away everything. All stuff that can be managed, but you have to actually manage it.

I don't usually remember my dreams, but last night I had one where the setting seemed to be current except that the SCQ and I were in the same place for some reason. She came up behind me and whispered that she loved me and had known that she has for the past several months. In my dream, tears came to my eyes. Then I had to go through a couple of layers of consciousness figuring out that it was a dream. I'd just as soon not remembered the dream. Not really how I wanted to start the day.

I guess I don't know where I am in the whole process, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is today--the kids' swimming lessons this afternoon, work, my yoga class in a half hour, maybe going to the Zoo this evening.

I don't know, Guy, it does sound like the DONEOMETER is in the red. That in no way means you won't still FEEL things here and there, or even wish they could be different. For me it means moving on, not even considering what may come in the future, but knowing that my central focus is not this madness anymore.

Que cera cera.

Still trying to get a taste of the hair of the gerbil, eh?

To me, this says you are still waiting for her to REALIZE what an idiot she is for continuing this.

I get it. I'm waiting for it from WH, too. Not holding my breath, but still would like it to come.

That doesn't mean my Done-o-Meter hasn't buried itself.


Those dreams take you back a bit, don't they? You're still grieving your losses. You'll revisit the stages here and there.

The fact that we have to figure out how to be single parents doesn't help either. You can do it, sdguy. You HAVE been doing it.

Fox

SL's channeling Doris Day!


Not much to barbeque in them thar.

Yup, I didn't know how to communicate this this morning, but I have come to realize that he doesn't realize, nor may he ever. He also may not agree that he is an idiot for continuing this. He may believe that love just dies, OH WELL, and so you move on--Kicking the crap out of me while he did it doesn't seem to have phased him.

Done or not!