Yeah, SD, "Get a rocket in your pocket" boy. Tell her ya ain't doin' nuttin' till the judge orders you to.

Shame that there isn't a law that states the adulterer (adultress) pays the legal fees.

She probably needs the money to help the POSOM pay the mortgage on the house that he kicked his wife out of. The SCQ probably wants to redecorate.

SD,

Thanks for following up on my post.


Given that you are dealing with a WS...how hard is to to keep LB and DJ in check in your exchanges with her? ...and aren't the kind of emails you are getting from her draining your Lovebank?

I wonder if this is something that is healthy to try and maintain longterm... it certainly makes it much more important for you to keep an eye on your stress level, and adjust accordingly...

I hope your kids will someday realize how hard their Dad worked at wanting to keep their family together....regardless of the outcome...

SSSSDDDDDD!!! Where are you. I know it isn't dark out there yet, but some of the rest of us are out already.

He is in Colorful Colorado (if you visit the Eastern third,the color is brown). They took a trip into the front range today and from what I understand, had a great time.

I just talked to him a couple hours ago. We are having lunch on Saturday with his DD and DS and hopefully my DD20. I am really looking forward to it. So is DD.

Well I hope that you all are having a most excellent adventure out there. Something the kids will remember for the rest of their lives. I still remember the cross country trip our family took when I was 5. I have the film that my dad took of the trip, and my brother and I would love to watch them but we don't have a movie projector! 8mm - it's a dino now. Costs a fortune to transfer them to DVD. Take lots of pics though. Kids will love looking at them later....


Think of all of us who are stuck in a boring, hot, humid, Midwest town. UGH.

SD:

If the MSA isn't done, have your attorney insert language that the refinance has to occur "90 to 120 days" after the final divorce decree. No reason for you to do it any sooner than that.

If there have been other agreements, that overrule this, then your stuck.

I wouldn't let her have a nickel until the D was done. SHE can sign the papers relenquishing title to the house and a note securing her interest (a fixed amount) as part of the D process.

Then, refinance according to the last date that you have to. I think rates are going down anyway. Make a stipulation that you have to be able to refinance at a rate that is lower than your existing rate.

Just a thought.

LG

Hey SD,

I hope you and the kids got home safely. What a real pleasure it was to meet DD5 and DS8. They are really great kids! They both are polite, intelligent, mature and outgoing. It was too bad that DD20 was working and not able to go but DGS was thrilled to meet you and the kids. DD20 was very disappointed she could not be there when I told her about our lunch that evening but passes on her best wishes for you.

For those who were not there, DS8 is a very mature young man with an absolute passion for baseball. He’s a budding pitcher already capable of control pitching multiple grips and by his own shrugging admission, “pretty much can play any position.”

DD5 is about as adorable (this is NO exaggeration, the ladies here would have melted meeting this kid.) as a girl can get. And what a Daddy’s girl she is! When we were about to leave DD5 had to go to the restroom. DGS needed to go too and offered to take her so DD5 jumped out of her booster with a huge smile and held out her hand ready to go. As they departed DD5 told DGS, “This will be fun!” In the restroom DD5 admitted to DGS that she does indeed know that she is “very cute.” SD, I recommend a Mossberg 590 Model for when the “dating years” start.

Driving away, DGS went into a total rant, “What kind of a stupid moron of a woman would leave a man like that and two children that incredible? She’s has got to be total idiot!” It went on longer but those were certainly the polite highlights. I have to agree SD. Voluntarily making the decision to only be in those kids lives part time is akin to mental instability.

You are a great dad SD. I hope you guys had a great vacation with your friends. They were very nice people as well.

Keep your head up. You are almost at the finish line.

Welcome back SD. Sounds like you all had a great time with Chrisner. If what he says is true, and I don't doubt for a minute that it is, the SQC will be hurting when that A finally ends.

You are definitely an MB success story and an inspiration for all of us....

DS8 and DS4 would have lots to talk about.

Oh, and the Mossberg 590 would leave a he11 of a mess. Maybe use it to scare them, but if you've got to pull the trigger, just stick with a sawed off 20 gauge with bird shot. You can pepper there sorry a$$es with out getting the police involved.

Then again, I'm sure DS8 will be keeping an eye on the punks for SD. A fast ball between the eyes is even better.

This represents no problem for me based on a couple of the living dead DD20 brought home over the years. For some of the less offensive freakishly stupid ones she brought home I would agree that snakeshot rounds in the 1911 would be conclusive enough.


Yep, they are the right age difference for this. Some day she is going to get real mad at him for taking care of business with some young mutt that comes sniffing around.


Indeed they would.

Her lawyer drafted the MSA, and it is written such that the money gets paid first. The SCQ apparently viewed the house refinance as a step in the process. I got this as part of her reply to me


At this point, I don't even care whether she believes this or not. I just want it over. My lender is ready to process the loan next week, so it's not really an issue.


The joys of a no-fault state. I make twice what the SCQ makes, so my understanding is that if she asks, they will put the financial info into a big spreadsheet, turn the crank, and it will say how much I will have to pay. Can you hear the words? Let it go . . . . I'm still coming out way ahead financially.

I certainly appreciate all the opinions rendered (Fox, SL, LG, PM, Chrisner) and moral outrage (Bugsy, CL).


Oh, man, Luna. Talk about hitting the nail on the head. It takes all of the peace I can muster from yoga, beach walks, posting here, ADs, etc. to avoid unloading on her. Consider, for example, this gem, which came in about ten minutes ago:


Now, if that doesn't scream for a scathing reply, what does? But I'm going to let it go. I deleted it from my email and will ignore it as the ravings of a lunatic unhappy with the bed they made. Sometimes it is easy to let these things go. Other times, more difficult.


Yeah, I would have to say that the old Love Bank only has a couple of cobwebs left in it, or maybe a small black hole. When I think of the SCQ, my feelings range from disgust and contempt to pity and sadness. There is no love for the SCQ. She can drop dead. What I have been successful at is recognizing the difference between my W and my WW. I believe in Fog, and in the temporary insanity of infidelity. I still believe my W may emerge some day. I'm just not waiting for it anymore. Whatever happens happens.

But the trip. . . it was great! Several days with my friends L & S were just what I needed. I think I will be going back soon. We laughed and joked and riffed off each other. And speculated about my new life and dating strategies. And drank. And had fun. Recently I found a travel journal I had written on a trip with L to Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji something like 20 years ago when we were young and stupid (younger and stupider?), and I read it out loud during our stay. Even the kids enjoyed it. All in all, it was like being in the comfort of home--like a sanctuary. Thanks again to L & S, who read here from time to time.

The lunch with Chrisner and DGS was a real pleasure. Chrisner hasn't changed since the Gathering of Fruits and Nuts, of course, but the exciting part was getting to meet DGS. Amigo, I can only hope to be so lucky when the time comes. And thanks for the kind words about my children. I agree--they are pretty great.

They had a good time, too. We hiked in a canyon one day. Drove up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a horseback ride another (instead of co-riding with me, DD5 got/had to ride her own horse on the trail; DS8 got scraped off when his horse Norman decided to go under instead of around the branch, but then dropped to the ground unhurt--some excitement for everyone). And after the lunch with Chrisner and DGS, we went to Golden for a Buffalo Bill festival. While there, the kids got to try panning for gold (and came away with some). Apparently, there are still places where you can make money panning for gold (especially with today's prices). Alas, not in San Diego.

Okay. . . I imagine I left something out, but that's certainly long enough. Thanks again to everyone who reads and posts to me. The support is greatly appreciated.

SD,

I'm shaking my head after reading that email. Your restraint is to be admired. I don't think that many of us could ignore that one. Heck, I would love to reply to that one myself and tell her a thing or two.

Kick that broad to the curb SD. You deserve far better. This one is not going to come out of the fog for a long, long time. If ever.

Thanks, CL. I thought that would get some heads shaking. Possible responses have crept into my head in the empty moments, but I am trying to let them go. They would fall on deaf ears.

I'm mentally composing another email to send her. When it's ready, maybe I'll post it.

Hi SD,

I don't post to you often, and I haven't gone back and read your entire thread, but I am always amazined at your strength of restraint and dignity by which you handle the stuff in your life.

It's interesting how you too know as well what the difference between the W and WW is. It's so unbelievable at times. I almost wish I could tape WH and have it for the records, because people just don't accept that there are two people in there.

I admire you and your walk and want to thank you for the times and words of encouragment you have given me. You may not realize how you effect my life, but you do and I appreciate you very much.

Queenie

Oh, boy (ROLLEY EYE)

What a piece of work she's turning out to be. Defending that scumbag, Dorkus malorkus. It borders on hilarious.

I can't believe the law would back up anybody on this kind of BS. The courts are full enough, without the SCQ clogging it up with, "SD said POSOM was a MEANIE! Waaaaahahahaha!"

I mean, it's not like you called him a bad name or actually involved your children in the conversation. She sounds like a mother scolding a child.

I know that it's best for the kids not to be in the middle, but they ARE in the middle, and the WS placed them there.

Possible responses to that moronic drivel have been blazing through my head like the 16” guns on the U.S.S. Iowa. Every time I read one of her pathetic, yet oddly comedic diatribes I can actually hear Scarlett O’Hara reading the lines. “Oh SD, whatevah will become of me without the refinance of Tara?”


Yeah, Riiiiight. Right out of the blue a 5 year old needed to say that.


Some day when she adds up how much of her children's lives she has missed, she will wish she was dead.

The finish line is in sight amigo. You have entered the stadium lap of the marathon.


Bravo! It was great to see you. We need more time on the next passage. Especially the drinking part!


The Colorado School of Mines there in Golden is basically filled with “Rock Scientists.” Many of the students pan gold in Colorado during the summer to help with tuition.

I met the women’s basketball coach at Mines a few years ago. He was pretty funny. He said how it’s a little hard to compete for recruiting when his talent pool is comprised basically of future women engineers who can and want to play basketball.


I thought I got better looking since then?


Thank you. She liked you a lot too. She indicated that you will be highly marketable in the single world.

Hang on SD. There are better things ahead.

Queenie, thanks very much for your kind words. Sometimes I post what's going on just out of the hope that it will be useful to someone else. Sometimes I have insights into other people's situations, particularly regarding how I believe Plan B works, and sometimes I even venture out and try to help those people. More often I stick to my thread and those of the amigos to avoid the Conflict Threads, but I'm always available to render an opinion if someone flags me down.

I might even welcome this kind of challenge, although I can't imagine she would make it. I'm not supposed to disparage the SCQ, but the agreement doesn't say anything about her married boyfriend. And what I said was in repsonse to DD5 asking me why I don't like POSOM. Does she expect me to lie? I won't.

So that's one of my fantasy responses: What do you expect me to say when DD5 asks me why I don't like POSOM? What do you expect me to say when DD5 asks me why you left our family? What do you expect me to say when DD5 tells me she doesn't want to go see you? What do you expect me to say when DD5 says she likes me better than you? What do you expect me to say when they start asking me whether you were seeing POSOM while we were still married? What do you expect me to say when they ask me whether or not you tried to save our marriage? What do you expect me to say when they ask me whether you lied to me? What do you expect me to say when they ask me whether you lied to them?

Whew. That was cathartic.

Yeah, I think next time will be sans kiddos.

So, here's the email I have cooked up. She asked me again about the loan.

It comes accross as begging. Man up and do a real plan B right now.

Thanks for your opinion.

That's what I am talking about, you have such a way with carrying your point and yet is respectful.