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SD, It probably did a world of good for you to send that email, and that's OK. Just be prepared for the backlash. She probably will spew venom like you've never seen before, and she may ask the kids about it. Hopefully they won't be afraid to speak up when she does. One more month and you can plan the rest of your life. You now have the tools and knowledge to mold a new relationship into the most wonderful M. You will find someone who appreciates what you have to offer. It may be the SCQ and may not be, but whoever it is will be a lucky person. 
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Made it to Colorado and within an hour had visited the world's largest liquor store. Good start, eh?
No word from the SCQ yet.
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Made it to Colorado and within an hour had visited the world's largest liquor store. Good start, eh? ok. I GOTTA go to Colorado!!!
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Tomorrow I'm off to Colorado again to spend the weekends with my friends there. I can't think of a safer place to weather whatever the SCQ will spew at me. God, I can't wait to get there. This time without the kids, so that I can relax even more. Chrisner is at the Mall of Modern Civilization right about now, or I would look him up again. I think it only fitting that you start your trip with Made it to Colorado and within an hour had visited the world's largest liquor store. Good start, eh? Whoo Hoo!! Hope you left with CASES!! I'm glad you are comfortable with your decision to send the email. I'm with you 100%, no matter what your choice. I am most thrilled that there's been no reply. If you must check email during this trip, keep it to a minimum. Enjoy yourself and leave thoughts of the SCQ behind as much as possible.
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Today we went to Boulder and took the tour at Celestial Seasonings. They were having a tent sale. I have lots of tea now if only I can get it home. Went to a downtown festival and did lots of people watching. Saw Tropic Thunder, which I thought was hilarious. A really good day. The response from the SCQ came in. I'm going to delete it after posting it here for your reading pleasure. Totally predictable as well as being pretty amazing. Enjoy. Not the exact version from Mark that I got. He was initially upset at Therese's when you got there because he didn't get the amount of homework done that he wanted before you arrived. Then you started talking about the divorce. DS8's words "Of course he started taking about ... and that made it worse".
Yes of course they want the ideal. Everyone does. But what good would it be for them to be in a house where parents sleep in separate rooms, prefer not to interact, and appear miserable.
For all practical purposes we have been divorced since I moved out. The rest of this is just legal wrangling to get the courts to sign off on it.
You telling them that we will be divorced soon is inappropriate. We are already divorced in the view that they have. They should have no knowledge of the legal stuff. So says family court and apparently we may need to go back.
We are a family just not a traditional family and that is what they should be hearing from you. They are loved by their parents regardless of whether or not you and I can live in the same house.
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Tea??? I love tea. For all practical purposes we have been divorced since I moved out. The rest of this is just legal wrangling to get the courts to sign off on it.  DD12 has the mental age of about 7-9 and she never had a "We are already divorced in the view that they have." In fact she called a guy I was starting to get to know "the devil in disguise" because she knew it would interfere with her parents changes of getting together. Waywards! SD
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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They just don't get it.. 
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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SD,
If this woman was ANYTHING like this when you were M to her, well, I don't know....
All I can say is she is not likable, and I don't like her.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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She wasn't, CL. It's a total change of personality, which really makes me believe that it's the infidelity at work. Not that I really want her back. For the kids' sake, yes. For me, not so much.
I could refute every paragraph and totally let her have it. I could also rebuke my car for not getting better gas mileage. It would be equally effective.
Big hike in Rocky Mountain National Park tomorrow.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
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SD,
I know what you mean. My WH was always the good guy. Never had a bad word to say about anyone and would drop whatever he was doing to help whoever needed help. The last 3 years have been totally different. He now has nothing good to say about anyone (other than OW and her crew), and has become very selfish with everything. Not the same individuals that we M. Maybe that's the A at work - they know that they are doing something against everything that they believe in and they don't like themselves.
Anyway, don't get into an email war over it. There will be plenty of time for a Plan FU should you feel that you want to go that route someday. I say take the high road now though, because one day there will be an unspoken victory on your part just because you did take the high road. When the A implodes and she realizes what a mistake it was, chances are you will have someone else in your life - someone who will be helping YOU tuck HER kids in at night (remember CW's post) - and you won't even need to lash out verbally. You will have silently proven your point. And she won't even be able to hate you because you were the loving exH who did nothing but try to save the M.
Have a great time on your trip.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Hi SD, If you decided to send email anyway after some reflection about it, knowing full well the pros and cons, that's fine. ...but I would not pursue it further....there is nothing in her reply that is UNEXPECTED and that warrants attention and further waste of your PRECIOUS energy! ...instead, make the most of your «break» from the mess! We are a family just not a traditional family and that is what they should be hearing from you. They are loved by their parents regardless of whether or not you and I can live in the same house. ...and I have heard this often enough from WS that hearing it one more time makes me
Last edited by lunamare; 09/01/08 10:54 AM.
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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I deleted her email and am doing what I can to let it go. I admit, however, that the email was very triggering. Not because of anything that was particularly venomous, but because it is so misguided and factually incorrect. I could and wanted to refute every single line.
I won't. No point.
It was a great trip to CO. Just what I needed.
Hope everyone is having a great holiday.
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Made it to Colorado and within an hour had visited the world's largest liquor store. Good start, eh? How did this happen? I am sipping a Long Island Ice Tea from the deck at Grandmas in Duluth watching the ore boats heading out onto the lake while you're shopping at Daveco in Thornton? Now you have to come back again. Our trip went great. We got our mission done and still got in the State Fair and MotNH to boot. My Mom would have been pleased with our last tribute. DD20 and I have never been closer. I talked to BC Friday night. He boarded up the house and went to Mississippi with his son to stay with his brother. He expected roof and fence damage. Houma sounds like it was hit hard. That's where BC's Momma is. I have not been able to get a hold of him yet. I will keep trying. Glad you had a good trip.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Good job, Guy Smiley. You did much better than I would have. I don't have near the self-control. I would be sorely tested not to refute every line.
You did good. The kids wanted the information passed on, you did it on their behalf. It doesn't matter what she thinks or how much blame she will try to lay on you or how much she wants to twist it to not be true. It is what it is.
Let it go as much as you can. I'm glad the trip to CO went well.
I start class today so won't be around as much. Just know that I'm still holding my end of your net and wishing you well.
Fox
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DD20 and I have never been closer.  Glad you had a good time, chris. I talked to BC Friday night. He boarded up the house and went to Mississippi with his son to stay with his brother. He expected roof and fence damage. Houma sounds like it was hit hard. That's where BC's Momma is. I have not been able to get a hold of him yet. I will keep trying.  Scary stuff. I'll stick with the occasional blizzard, I think. Fox
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Chrisner, years and years ago the SCQ and I lived in an apartment at Bandana Square on Energy Park Drive just off Snelling, which is walking distance from the MN state fair. Tell the Butter Queen I said hi. I know right where that is. Near the model railroad museum. I missed the Butter Queen this year but I did get a couple (well more than a couple) Grain Belts. Can't get those in Denver. DD started shooting at the "official size and height rims" basketball shot game on the midway. She got hot right off and won 3 big stuffed animals before they ran her off. We came back later after they changed barkers but they still knew who she was and wouldn't let her shoot anymore. We did not need more stuffed animals anyway.
Last edited by chrisner; 09/02/08 05:30 PM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Grain belts, eh? Sure they don't have it at Daveco? What about walleye on a stick? That's another staple at the fair.
The thought of DD20 getting run off for being too good a shot brings smiles.
Thanks for the updates on BC.
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I deleted her email and am doing what I can to let it go. I admit, however, that the email was very triggering. Not because of anything that was particularly venomous, but because it is so misguided and factually incorrect. I could and wanted to refute every single line.
I won't. No point.
It was a great trip to CO. Just what I needed.
Hope everyone is having a great holiday. I would have responded with this: :RollieEyes: I just discovered that you can right click save these little guys as a gif image and insert them into an email. Hmmmm... the possibilities. 
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I just discovered that you can right click save these little guys as a gif image and insert them into an email. Hmmmm... the possibilities. Oh, REALLY!? Fox (rubbing hands together in glee)
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What about walleye on a stick? That's another staple at the fair. Oh, not just walleye; Moose on a stick Scotch eggs on a stick Pork chops on a stick Veggie pie on a stick Cheesecake on a stick Spaghetti and meatballs on a stick A Rueban on a stick Smores on a stick Tater Tot hotdish on a stick They all go good with Grain Belt.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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