Thanks, Bugs. For a few days I've been meaning to post a thanks to Cinders and James for keeping my thread alive and full of interesting, entertaining stuff, but I didn't quite get around to it. Busy with work at the end of the week and then with the kids over the weekend. Now I've got something to report--this might be long.
I had to give a presentation at a meeting this morning, but I hadn't put the slides together as of last Friday. It wasn't a big deal--a simple presentation, but I still had to do the work of making the slides. Friday afternoon, I decided to go home and work on the weekend and knew that this would amount to me doing the slides after the kids went to bed Sunday night (because that's the way I am).
Didn't have the kids Friday or Saturday, so I joined the impromptu neighborhood celebration Friday night and drank a lot of wine. This led to a slow start Saturday, but I made it to DD5's soccer game just after it started.
DD5 was getting a drink with the SCQ on a break when I came over to let her know I was there. I gave her a hug and said the appropriate "wow, you're doing really good out there" comments, literally right next to the SCQ. I turned to retreat to a neutral spot to watch the game, and DD5 turned to go back over by the coach (to get subbed back into the game), when she stopped and looked back at me and said "I love you, Dad."
I tossed a ball around with DS8 during halftime, watched her play some more, and then checked in with her again before taking off to do my shopping. Later, I realized how comfortable it could have been--to put my hand on the SCQ's shoulder as I was talking to DD5; noticing that the SCQ had an open can of Coke that I could have taken a drink from. Cringe all you want, but that I had these comfortable thoughts made me think that my Plan B is still doing what it's supposed to.
Sunday exchanges are supposed to happen at noon (except the SCQ is always late). On this Sunday, DS8 had a birthday party from 10-noon and then baseball practice at 12:30. The SCQ and I had prearranged that she would drop off DD5 before 11:30 so that I could pick up DS8 from his party. The SCQ showed up at 11:40 or so, so I was consequently a few minutes late to get DS8. When she dropped off DD5, inside the transfer bag (along with some other school papers) were a couple of bills from the school daycare and a post-it from her saying "I will
not be paying your portion of these bills." As if I had somehow demanded that she do so.
Then DD5 told me they had gone to Seaworld Saturday night with POSOM and his kids.
All of those were mildly triggering, but I shook them off for the most part and enjoyed the day with the kids. We watched football and celebrated a birthday with the neighborhood crew. Kids had fun. I got to hold a neighbor's newborn (2 1/2 weeks) and jiggle him to sleep.
Everybody was grumpy last night, but I got the kids to bed, decompressed, and then tackled my slides, starting at maybe 11. It's dumb, I know, but it's when I do my best work. Finished after midnight, and didn't get to sleep until 2 am or so.
So I was already a bit strung out this morning. The presentation was fine, of course, but there were two emails from the SCQ that came Saturday night just before midnight I hadn't read until this morning.
For any rookies in the crowd, these are textbook reasons why not to have any contact with an actively wayward spouse (or ex, for that matter). Some of you should take a deep breath before reading these.
DS8 will need to study some tomorrow for tests this week.
The pants DD5 wore to school on Friday were too small and are now retired. Does she have any pants at your house that fit her? DS8's pants are too short as well. Even the ones he likes that are size 7x are too short.
If you have the kid's school sweatshirts can you put them in the backpacks. If you don't have them yet let me know.
Lunchboxes. Only DD5's will be given to you since the only lunch being sent to school this week is on Friday for DD5. Inside DD5's lunchbox is all of the lunch stuff that you did not clean out of either of the lunchboxes and left some of it in the bottom of DS8's backpack. All of this lunch stuff was there since Wednesday when I sent it.
Friday was the last time I will go to daycareprovider's to get stuff that you leave there when I don't pick the kids up at her house. She was going to bring it to me if I didn't pick it up. She shouldn't have to haul things you leave there. If this happens again you will need to go get it from her. You can leave things outside my house door or leave them at your front door or just behind your gate.
I will be getting DS8 a rolling backpack. He now realizes why they suggest this for 4th grade.
This time it might be wise to check the kids exchange bag.
and
Your MSA response is pathetic. I have instructed my lawyer not to make your petty changes unless you are going to pay for my lawyers time. None of your changes change anything in the MSA. They are cosmetic. Who cares if a comma needs to be removed or if [our street name] is misspelled. The courts don't.
The MSA was current at the time it was written. It is your problem that you took so long to get the house refinanced. If you want the changes then you pay my attorney to have them done. Sign the MSA that was given to you.
I can't think of anything that I would have done to earn this, so I'm guessing something else had her really pissed off, so she lashed out at me.
I mean, my lawyer told me it was a draft MSA, so I pointed out the changes.
And, you know what? Commas can change the legal meaning, so that one was relevant. I forwarded it to my lawyer to see if he's heard anything from her lawyer. The biggest change was about the house refinance. As you may recall, the SCQ kept insisting that the refinance be complete before the MSA be written, but then the MSA didn't reflect any of that language and had a bunch of irrelevant stuff in it about how the sale should be handled if necessary and what conditions under which she would drop spousal support--she's the one who drove it this way.
I was already twitchy this morning, but this is making me all triggery. I'm working to let it go--recognizing that it's not really about me. Fighting the urge to tell her that if she doesn't like the way I handle sweatshirts and lunchboxes and pants, she should have thought about that before she turned me into a single dad. It's a direct consequence of her decisions and actions.
When I send a response, it will be calm and measured. Working on my letter to DS8 in the mean time. Sorry for the length. Hope everyone else's weekend went well.
You know, right about now I need a "shoot the moon" emoticon for the SQC. She really p1sses me off, so I can imagine how you feel.
..when she stopped and looked back at me and said "I love you, Dad.."
