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thanks = = = now, I need to head to bed.
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More good stuff over the weekend while I had the kids, I see. Welcome, Jayne. Sippy Cup. . . Sippy Cup . . . how have they been washing you?Yep. It works. I deliberately held off on checking email until after I had transferred the kids on Sunday. Sure enough, the reply: Fine don't decide. I will take the next step and it will have a deadline and the consequences will be court and my asking for attorney fees. I spent most of Sunday trying to defuse the trigger. Why am I getting worked up? She can't hurt me--even if I wind up paying the costs, so what? Let it go Let it go Let it go. Long walk on the beach. Making puzzles in the garage. Maybe I should have added a massage. I talked with my lawyer today and finally sent her a reply: I was waiting to hear back from my lawyer, who was going to talk to your lawyer, who hadn't returned his call. My lawyer left another message today.
My understanding was that the document circulated was for corrections. My lawyer tells me that this is how it is done. There was no stalling or attempting to be difficult or anything like that. I was trying to follow the process as I understand it.
There was never any discussion with my lawyer about signing that document because it is wrong. Misspellings and the comma aside (the comma changes the meaning of the sentence, but I don't really expect anyone else to recognize that), the document contains items that were never brought up.
In the letter of intent (June 9) the proposal states in legalese that I will buy you out for $[a bunch of], and you will sign transfer deed, which is what we agreed to. But then in the draft MSA there are several pages (paragraphs 23, 24, and 25) devoted to the sale of the house? When was that ever on the table? Why would that be included in the MSA? And, more importantly, why would it be appropriate to leave it in the document after you have already received your money?
On another note, the overall tone of the emails you sent last Saturday lies somewhere between condescending and insulting. I don't think I've done anything to warrant this kind of treatment from you, and I'm really not interested in getting into email arguments with you, so I ask you again to not send this kind of emotionally-charged email. If you persist, my next course of action would be to forward your emails to an intermediary and have them only forward me content dealing with emergency or logistics. I guess we'll see. My theory about the source of the frustration is that it wasn't the I love you from DD5 during the soccer game. It was the fact that after the Big Happy Family trip to Seaworld POSOM and his kids went to their house while the SCQ and my kids stayed at her apartment. Maybe because she knows how they feel about going to his house? And who was responsible for telling her that? I know I've asked this before, but it's a somewhat constant whine now. When does my life stop being about This? When do I stop being the Dad who has to muddle through on his own because his wife had an affair and left? Lots of anger still simmering there. Yoga now. Hope everyone else's week started better than mine.
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Hey, I'm still muddling through some things because my children's dad chose to have multiple EAs and to leave because he hadn't been happy in years so he was afraid to miss this chance to maybe be happy.  On other things, I'm doing really well. And it's been so many years it isn't funny.
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I know I've asked this before, but it's a somewhat constant whine now. When does my life stop being about This? When do I stop being the Dad who has to muddle through on his own because his wife had an affair and left? Lots of anger still simmering there. SD, I ask myself a similar question everyday. When will I ever stop thinking about this, and why am I the one that has to deal with all of DD's issues, work 16 hour days to survive, and be the one to continue life's path alone. It does suck wind. The SCQ is just vicious. One day I hope that you can get a personalized license plate that reads "THX SCQ" It works either way.... 
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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If you persist, my next course of action would be to forward your emails to an intermediary Oh please SD, make it me! I really want to be the intermediary. Please! Nice response!! You made her look like a fool. Well, how hard is that?.....but still!! She is a real legal eagle huh? Oh please SD, make it me! I really want to be the intermediary. Please! Please!!! My theory about the source of the frustration is that it wasn't the I love you from DD5 during the soccer game. It was the fact that after the Big Happy Family trip to Seaworld POSOM and his kids went to their house while the SCQ and my kids stayed at her apartment. Maybe because she knows how they feel about going to his house? And who was responsible for telling her that? It's both I believe. I really do. Those words from DD5 hit her hard SD. I know I've asked this before, but it's a somewhat constant whine now. When does my life stop being about This? When do I stop being the Dad who has to muddle through on his own because his wife had an affair and left? Lots of anger still simmering there. When you choose it to be different. And not until. For all of you. Get a copy of Aaron Copland's Finale from The Tender Land; The Promise of Living (Eugene Ormandy and the Phili is my favorite). Honestly do this. And when you feel this way play it loud. And while you listen think of your future and how you want it. Try it. It will help. Oh yeah, Oh please SD, make it me! I really want to be the intermediary. Please! Please!!! She would love working with me!!
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Oh, I vote for Chrisner. I think he would make one fine intermediary......
And I bet he's free too......
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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And I bet he's free too...... I am cheap but not easy!
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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When you choose it to be different. And not until. That was downright BR-ish. I knew that was the answer, of course, I just felt like whining. Or venting. Or is it whinging? At the end of final relaxation in my yoga class I almost started laughing out loud because I realized I want to date a mental health professional or yoga instructor with an Australian accent. Or Kiwi, or South African, or Brit, I suppose. And I'm working with a French girl now (young mother so I am careful), but she has a really nice accent. Oh please SD, make it me! I really want to be the intermediary. Wow. The mind boggles at the possibilities here. The words Mother of All Intermediaries float to the surface. I'll keep you posted.
Last edited by sdguy038; 09/22/08 09:08 PM.
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That was downright BR-ish That might have cost you your intermediary but she has a really nice accent I'm sure her accents are quite lovely 
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
Divorced May 8, 2008
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For all of you. Get a copy of Aaron Copland's Finale from The Tender Land; The Promise of Living (Eugene Ormandy and the Phili is my favorite). Orchestral or vocal?
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I know I've asked this before, but it's a somewhat constant whine now. When does my life stop being about This? When do I stop being the Dad who has to muddle through on his own because his wife had an affair and left? Lots of anger still simmering there. Well.. my weekend etc wasn't much better, DS was sick so that entailed a brief conversation at the end of the nightly phone call with WW. She's never in any hurry to get off the phone these days, but I make our conversations brief and to the point, and purely about DS anymore. I think it irritates her, but I really don't care. As for the above quote.. I ask myself this question nearly every morning. I just know that one day, when I can wake up and not run fictional conversations and variations on plan FU through my head.. I'll be well/whole again. I think even more than that.. and why I understand the whinging <G> so much is that anymore I get more irritated at myself for even giving her the emotional energy. She doesn't deserve it.. I -know- it's a waste of my time and headspace.. but yet the thoughts keep coming in. Time might be one answer, but I'm sick of waiting for it.. Will might be the best answer.. it's a new day, yesterday is in the past and nothing can change it.. Remember, NOW is the most important time.. How's your breathing SD?
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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As for the above quote.. I ask myself this question nearly every morning. I just know that one day, when I can wake up and not run fictional conversations and variations on plan FU through my head.. I'll be well/whole again. I've been having a very hard time with this lately. It seems like I'm enmeshed in thoughts of Plan FU and can't shake them. Dealing with a cheating and self entitled unrepentant woman who looks to take your money at every opportunity and asks why I "can't just get over it" has been a bit draining. I'll share more on my own thread, but since we're talking here about how we can shake the funk, I thought I'd chime in and ask if anyone has advice on how to do so since it seems like there are several of us who are dealing with the same.
Last edited by pomdbd3; 09/23/08 07:05 AM.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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SD, Most excellent response! Waywards absolutely hate it when it's so calmly pointed out to them how unreasonable they are being. What's she going to say to that email? My guess is nothing. Good job! Chris/BR - Nice! I also have 3 words for you - VOTE FOR CHRISNER! ha! You being the intermediary would be something I'd pay good money to watch! SD, I understand so well, as does most everyone here. The anger with having this energy expended on her is beyond frustrating, isn't it? Unfortunately, I find myself in the same place more often than I'd like in terms of dealing with Drac. As Mimi pointed out, it is a by-product of any interaction with the self indulgent wayward. Today will be a better day. and again, I must say VOTE FOR CHRISNER!
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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For all of you. Get a copy of Aaron Copland's Finale from The Tender Land; The Promise of Living (Eugene Ormandy and the Phili is my favorite). Orchestral or vocal? Orchestral
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Hi SD, Oh, I vote for Chrisner. I think he would make one fine intermediary...... Me, too. Seriously, SD...any reason why you don't take Chrisner up on his offer? I think he would make one fine intermediary..... you surely could use the BREAK... I don't have one....being an intermediary can be a major challenge...on HOW to remain...DETACHED!  ...so finding volunteers is not easy.... ....but it looks like Chrisner seems up for it  .... ...or, am I missing something here? 
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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...or, am I missing something here? Yup.. Most intermediaries aren't armed.. Chris' wit vs a defenseless opponent.. I almost tingle with glee.. [Smithers] Eeeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent.... [/Smithers]
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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[Smithers]
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent....
[/Smithers] That's Burns not Smithers If you're going to be an amigo, you have to get your sophmoric immature references to simple minded humor straight! lesson over carry on grasshopper 
Last edited by BetrayedCajun; 09/23/08 09:28 AM.
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
Divorced May 8, 2008
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Agree with Chrisner. Once you make the choice, and it IS a choice, you'll feel better. Your life will only be about you and your children anymore. Hold on for as long as you can, but do not sacrifice your well-being for it. I think your response to the SCQ was excellent. Truly, LET IT GO. This burden is not your to carry--it's hers--let her have it.
I've moved on in a big way, by making the choice. I know I said I would fight until the Z divorces me, but I'm done. For me, it's been a long battle, and I'm ready to walk away. For others, they still have some fight left in them.
I have a feeling once the Z is served with the D papers, sometime in the next two weeks, he's gonna start rethinking, at least for a moment, the finality of it. Problem is, I'm doneo. Kaput.
Although it's not what I wanted, I'm happier than I have been in a long time. It's been liberating to lurch forward for myself. I cannot carry the Z anymore--I never should have been.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I want what she's having.....
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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I cannot carry the Z anymore Maybe that's why it's so exhausting. I've been carrying the burden of the marriage all this time, and it's really heavy. I think that the SCQ has been a burden for way longer than I'd like to acknowledge.
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