What is probably just as "tragically funny" are the expectations and anticipated responses WS's have of their BS's upon delivering these lines. All we see are the shocked looks on their faces when we don't react in their pre-planned way. If you could see inside their heads, exactly which way would the hamster be running?

I just remembered this one, in a phone conversation:

Me: I will do whatever I am able to do to save our M.

WW: Good to hear that now. Where was this guy 2 years ago when I needed him. You do what you have to do, I did what I had to do?

Me: But why did you have an A with Charlie.

WW: Because I had to change things. Someone had to put the brakes on so I did, or we would have just continued down the road we were heading and you never would have realized it until it was too late.

Me: Realized what?

WW: That your kids were getting older and you weren't spending enough time with them.

Me: Let me see if I get this straight. You stop wearing your wedding ring, lie to me and your children about your whereabouts, party 5-7 nights a week and leave the kids at home with little to no food, dress like a streetwalker, don't answer your cell phone for hours on end, come home often after 2AM, and start having sex 4-5 times a week with a man 8 years younger than you who lives in an apartment...all so I would spend more time with the kids???

WW: Silence....click.

Sounds like you did have to spend more time with the kids while she was trampin'.

Don't you see? She did it for you and the kids! What a selfless act!

I know, I feel like such a creep. Why can't I see it was all for me and the kids????

Funny thing, as I am sure you know, she really believes it!

Sorry, Just remembered another.

After 1980’s style “prom” birthday party.

Me: Did you go to the party last night?
WW: Yeah, but I was sick, so I only stayed for a little bit.
Me: Gee someone told me you were there all night; that the police showed up twice; you changed in and out of no less than five different outfits and that Cathy had to pick DD up because you were still out after 2AM.
WW: How dare you spy on me like that?! You are so freaking weird! And yes I did try on some outfits, but only because Tricia wanted me to. She asked me to model them!!!

The next morning after DS told me my dad took him home, no answer at door, so DS said mom's prob at friends. WW's car parked back in in rear of driveway.

Me: I heard Dad had to take DS to friends on way to church Sunday morning and it took you five minutes of knocking before you came out in the clothes you had on the night before.
WW: That’s a lie; it did not take 5 minutes.
Me: Why were you over there? Did you spend the night?
WW: NO! I went to McDonalds to get her a sausage biscuit. QUIT SPYING ON ME!
Me: In a prom dress?
WW: Silence...click.

Oh I got a million of em, thankfully a lot were texts and I saved em. Now it's funny to go back and read them.

A few weeks after the divorce was final Wayzilla told DD, "I just wanted your Dad to be happy."

That's when I knew she had done all of this just for me. How can I ever thank her?

A gift basket with a year's worth of free passes to the clinic downtown?

Kidding.

Kinda.

Sorry.

Couldn't stop it from being typed out once I thunk (THUNK!) it.

That sounds good, besides the horse head in a bed thing has been done.

Yep. Good times and noodle salad.

I am sorry, I am going to stop really...

Me: I just don't understand all this. Why you would do this?

WW: Well, you had been suspiscious for so long and accusing me of it for so long that I figured as long I was going be accused I may as well do it!

Stick...
I swear I got that exact line on me just this week!!!
WW, "You have always accused me of an A, so I just did".

Now that is pea soup thick fog.....I cant remember ever accusing my WW of having an A!!

Here's a note left to me on my FWW's Yahoo account.

It was right in the middle of her A, which I had no clue about.

I did, however, break into her email. Even way back then, my gut was warning me:


Krazy, I really hope you are not taking the time to check in on this account. If you are, then I know you are not working on your trust issues at all. This is the first time that I have logged into this account in ages and the only reason why is to leave you this note. Today is March 18, 2005, the day after we had our long discussion on how we were going to try and change a few things. If you are looking at this then I take that to mean that you are not willing to change after all and you are sneaking around behind my back trying to see if I am doing anything wrong vs. trusting me. I hope that I am wrong.

Love
Mrs. Krazy





Of course, she hadn't used this account for cheating in quite some time. She just used a different account.

I still feel bad for laughing at this...

I swear! Where are these WWs and WHs pulling these remarks from?

"I just want us to have a good divorce but you won't have any part of it. It's your loss."

:twobyfour:

You passed up on a Happy Divorce?

I remember the "he bought Coke and she liked Pepsi story"! And that was the reason she cheated and left him and their children, and didn't even have visitation.

YUP! YUP! YUP!

I passed up that one. Of course, now that we've been divorced for .......years, literally, I'm happy. I'm divorced. I'm not happy that I am divorced but I am happy I am not married to that man.

My ex had a myspace page so he could meet women. I knew nothing about it til a friend saw it. Of course, when confronted, it was "for me and the kids."

I heartily agree, in general.

Some are not funny at all, though. I remembered a case here on MB where the WH told his BW everything would be fine for all involved, including their children, if she would just kill herself.

My WW said many similar things, some much worse. Some obviously diversionary and some meant to cut deeply. I don’t like remembering them, so I don’t repeat them any longer.

OM, on the other hand said some pretty darn stupid things, just like all OM are wont to do. They deserve a thread of their own.

However, something was still nagging at my left temporal lobe, and it finally let go and floated to the frontal lobe where I could see it.

I believe it was in Pittman’s book, Private Lies, where he recounts the time a patient of his actually walked in on her WH with OW. As she stood there shocked beyond belief he proceeded to try to convince her she was imagining the entire scene. He told her she was hallucinating and crazy. As with most people initially shocked that much she almost started to believe him. From this one example of conduct Pittman counseled her to leave this WH as he was definitely abusive.

And that leads me to say: All of these statements, spur of the moment or planned and well executed, to one degree or another are abusive. They are all excellent examples of how WS practice repeated and egregious spousal abuse.

Adultery is spouse abuse. Even though (F)WS like to pretend they were/are not abusers, these WS statements, as hilarious as they are in retrospect, should be proof enough for anyone.

The Coke/Pepsi comment brought up another one for me. On one of the few times the SCQ was actually able to articulate a problem in our marriage, she said "I wanted to go to Riverdance, and you didn't want to."