Absolutely. That's huge. If you're not doing that yet, you need to start.

Thanks Not,

Thanks SDGUY,

I'll find something to keep me occupied. I've taken a break from the gym for about a month now and I really need to get back into it. It's a major stress reliever. I'm sure that will help a lot.

I also have some things I need to do around the house. That should keep me busy for a little while.

As far as fun... hmmm... not sure... I do like the outdoors... Maybe mountain biking. I have one in my garage thats covered in dust...LOL.

I still say you should try your hand at basketweaving.....


not2fun

Not, was it you that mentioned woodworking?

That's been great for me. It requires that you pay enough attention to quell the running dialog in your head but really isn't all that difficult (depending upon what you're doing). Plus, I end up with nice artistic things as products. I have them all around my house and have given quite a few away to people, and they really seem to like them.

I have a great wood store nearby that has all kinds of exotic woods to learn about and work with, which is really cool. And you can go tool shopping (flap sander, drill press, belt sander, scroll saw).

I realized that since the SCQ was no longer parking in the 2-car garage, I could build a work bench on that half, so I did. It's awesome.

Find yourself something like that.

I'm still alive and kickin.... just so ya'll know...


I still haven't found anything fun for me to do... But I'm still looking....

My 15 y.o. daughter is about to give me a nervous break down...

She is being totally defiant and disrespecful. It's gotten to the point that we can't hardly be in the same room together.

It got to the point that I needed some kind of outside help because I was emotionally exhausted and didn't know what to do anymore. So...I went to the church and talked to the youth pastor. He suggested I start attending a divorce care group at the church. I let my daughter know that I talked to the youth pastor and she started hinting that she wasn't going back to the youth services at church.

I also took my daughter to a counselor yesterday. Her attitude before I took her was..."I'll go once and if I don't like it I'm never going again."

She seems to be acting a little better just since then. We'll see. She's at the youth service right now. I have to go pick her up in about 10 minutes.

I haven't heard from my WW since Sept 15th when she wanted to know if I dropped her from our health insurance.

Her brother calls once in a while... I talked to him tonight.

I talked to my step daughter tonight as well. She wanted me to print out her homework for her because her printer wasn't working and then have my daughter give it to her at school.

Step Daughters other dog (OUR other family dog)died last week. He got hit by a car. Since WW moved out both of the dogs she took with her have been killed. My step-daughter and my daughter took it pretty hard.

Anyway...

That's my update...

Amazin.

Amazin....

Good to see ya.....

On the DD....still got that Father's Day letter handy??? If so, read and re-read it on those days she really gets your blood poppin'. I would say keep her in the counseling. It seems like it might be good for her to have someone not so "close" to confind in, plus the counselor will help her learn and form boundaries, anger management, and a whole mess of other things. Which would probably be really helpful. Remind me again, where is her mother in the big picture????.... If her mom is basically MIA (if I remember correctly, she lives in another state....), I would go talk to your pastor about maybe finding a female mentor for her. Maybe a young female (early to mid twenties....) with whom she can connect with. You have been a FANTASTIC DAD, but she still needs that female guidance. That is just facts, not a testament to your parenting.....

Anyway, glad to see you letting us know how you are.....I consider you a man of great integrity. You grew a lot through this whole ordeal, and I for one, am glad to have seen it....

not2fun

Amazin...

Good to hear from you!

I like Not's idea of trying to hook her up with a young woman from church to help her work through some of this stuff. I would suggest someone who recently got married or is engaged though and probably not much younger than 25 or so. Even in a stable home environment a teen can get lost and confused. You have done well, but teenage girls need a woman's touch and guidance.

As a side comment here... Not, what did you do with that scared little girl that first came here just those few short months ago? The self-confidence looks good on you...

Mark

It's coming up on a year.....WOW....anyway, thanks.....sometimes I fake it though.....

I still have to work hard at keeping her at bay, sometimes she wants to come out.....BUT I am seeing the wonderful results in my marriage when I ignore her.....

not2fun

Thanks for the update, Amazin. Keep looking for something fun. It gives you something else to think about during the empty moments, when the anger/crap would otherwise start to seep in.

Can't help you with teenage girls--my kids are small. It's frightening enough for me keeping up with Fox's thread (wildhorses). If you don't read hers, you might want to check it out.

Her Mom is sort of in Texas. She's basically useless. When I was living in TX she was 2 miles from the kids and went 18 months without seeing them. They were little and didn't understand. I'm sure she told them some crap like "dad wouldn't let me see you"


Good Idea. I'll talk to the youth minister about it. Maybe he can point me in the right direction.



No offence taken. I've always known that they've needed the soft loving female touch in their lives. I think my youngest really wanted and needed to get that from my WW but she didn't deliver. As a matter of fact she seemed to push her away. It's very sad because my youngest can be a very affectionate and loving child when she wants to be.

Thanks for all the advice you guys. I appreciate it.

Amazin.

Weekends still suck...

when I read SAA it suggested that the betrayed spouse remove themselves from the situation totally. (Plan B) It even suggested that the betrayed spouse move to another town if possible.

Unfortunately I'm stuck where I'm at. I bought a house in 2005 and now it's worth less that what I owe on it. I couldn't sell it if I wanted to. My WW moved into an apartment that is 90 seconds of driving time from my driveway to hers. I have to go out of my way not to drive by her house. The only thing that would have been closer would have been for her to move in next door. It's like she's trying to rub my nose in her affair. It's always in my face and I can't get away from it.

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut... I can't move on and I can't totally remove myself from the situation. I have a temporary full time job that ends in August 2012. So in my mind the clock is ticking. I either need to fix the marriage or get a divorce. I'm in LIMBO and it's wearing me down.

I plan on filing for divorce shortly after the holidays.... January or February. Something has to change.

On top of that my 15 Y.O. daughter is angry and totally defiant. She's about to give me a nervous break-down.

My step daughter spent the night on Friday. Then WW took my daughter and step-daughter to the bowling aley on Saturday. I'm not sure how I feel about that. OM's Apt is across the street. If I ever found out that the OM was there with them I'd be LIVID. I already have alot of anger issues when it comes to WW. That one would put me over the top.

And Believer, before you ask..... the answer is NOTHING....

I haven't been doing anything for ME THAT IS FUN. I know I need to find something to do that is fun. I'm just havent' been motivated to.

I wouldn't mind going bowling... but my WW does that and I wouldn't want to run into her at the bowling aley.

I know I need to find something fun to do... maybe I can find another bowling aley that my wife doesn't go to.

Amazin

Yes, another bowling place, or a parent's support group, church group, sports group, arts group, divorce group, fishing group - you get the point.

And as far as your daughter - it is her job at 15 to pull away from you. Perfectly normal. But don't tolerate disrespect. My ex and step daughter couldn't be in the same room. I ended up being the mediator. I told her she could think whatever she wanted, it just couldn't come out her mouth.

Now they are best friends again.

I was going to a mens group at church. But I switched to the divorce support group. They just happen to be on the same night. (Thursday) I've only been going for 3 of 4 weeks.

I'm just really hurting... I miss my wife, my step daughter, and being a family. Weekends seem to be especially tuff.

That sounds like me and my daughter. We almost can't be in the same room together. There are times when she's the most loving child. Then there are other times when she's just outright rebellious and dis-respectful. I can say the sky is blue and she'll say no it isn't And there are times when she doesn't know how to take "NO" for an answer.

I'm trying to be patient with her. But I'm already under an enormous amount of stress. Her acting out just about puts me over the edge.

I keep praying for patience, wisdom and peace. He'll deliver me...

I keep praying for patience, wisdom and peace. He'll deliver me... [/quote]

Amazin,
I am a newbee here and I've not posted too many times offering advice. Kinda feels funny to offer advice when I'm begging for it. but....
I haven't officially began PB yet (11-26) but I accidently ran into my WAW at the store yesterday and she could barely speak. Seems like that she is running away as fast as possible.

I have read your posts and see inside of your words that you are hurting. You also know that you must surrender completly to God and place your existence in His hands.

I struggled with this early on, tried to fix everthing myself, tried to charm my older kids, great plan A...but still was physically dying. When I surrendered completely to God, I found the inner peace that just made everything that was so "foggy", become clear. At that point is when I KNEW everything in my life was being directed by God and it would be OK.
Stay busy is what everyone tells me...Ok, stay busy reading scripture and continouslly praising God.....it will change cause you will know that God promised never to put more on you that you can handle.

Don't know if my WW will ever return....but I am SURE that God has promised to deal with her in His time. How could I ask for more?

Sorry if I'm being too forward with you....just needed to offer my perspective....hope it helps.

Wow! Dangerous prayer, that...

Almost as dangerous as "Use me any way you want..."

I remember my second night in the hospital as friends and family dropped in. Those who know me well just KNEW that I would be going nuts stuck in a bed with plumbing hooked up to both arms. They all seemed surprised by my reaction of acceptance and one friend told me, "Just hurry up and learn whatever God is teaching you so you can get back to normal."

My response to those gathered was "I WILL find out who prayed that I learn to be patient... And I WILL return the favor."

I think patience and generosity are two things He is all to willing to test for us. Any time we ask Him to make us more of either, He seems to be only too happy to provide circumstances that promote exactly what we seek, IF we do what He wants from us and not try to get out of it. We so often take His attempts to form us in this regard as either a chastisement or as a test of our faith and something to be overcome instead of embraced.

If we ask for generosity He sends along someone who needs so much from us other than just our money right when we seem to be tapped out and have so little ourselves.

And when we ask for patience, He is only to happy to provide us with circumstances that require us to accept, remain still and stay focused on Him.


Mark

Mark - I picked up on that too - when you pray for patience, you get plenty of opportunities to practice.

Instead, pray for your daughter to feel God's love and peace that everything in her life will be for her good.

And pray for your peace.

Ask for strength and you will feel more weakness than you've ever felt before. Just think of how you feel at the gym when you're used to picking up the 30 pound free weights and then you pick up 60 pound free weights - you'll feel weak indeed - but the heavier weight, if persisted, eventually will become the opposition and instrument of your strengthening!

Well I never really thought about asking for patience that way.

My daughter is testing me every chance she has. I'm trying not to get angry with her. But it's a struggle. I'm already under an intense amount of stress. Her teenage rebellion is about to put me at my stress limit.

I'm not sure I know how to do that. What exactly do you mean? How do I surrender completly to God?


I had something simular happen about a month ago. I drove my daughter to school one day. My WW was dropping off her daughter about the same time. When she saw my vehicle she went the opposite direction she needed to go to get to work. I don't think she can look me in the face right now. I think eventually guilt is going to eat her alive.


I can't seem to get enough of the word. I'm in the bible every day. I can't seem to turn off the christian radio station. The only way I can describe it is that I'm hungry for the word of God.