Again, I am very concerned that you are not appropriately using the intel you gathered to bust up the affair. If you are not going to use it, there is no reason to spy on her. The point of spying is to use the intel to bust up affairs, not to entertain oneself.

You have evidence of recent contact and are not using it to help your situation.

An active wayward still in contact with the OP won't ever meet this standard. (edited to add - they may try to give you this perception in order to manipulate you)

It will take MONTHS for them to "TRULY" commit to the marriage AFTER the affair has ended.

End affair first. Then they are stuck for bit and go through withdrawal and then they begin to consider reconciliation and finally, they "snap" and wake up and "truly" commit.


Expose at work....whatever it takes to end the affair and achieve "NO CONTACT".

Everything else is moot until you achieve that.

Mr. Wondering

Should i confront my WW or the OM before workplace exposure?

When I went ahead and exposed to her family, my family, and the OM's W she was very angry and said that she feels like she doesn't know me anymore and that her trust in me is completely gone. I know this is just gas lighting on her part, but part of thinks that even though the isn't showing me the respect i deserve, that I should be the bigger person and at least tell her that I know the A is still going on and that I am contacting her work. I guess my reasoning is that if I tell what I am doing, it will take many of her arguments away before she has a chance to get angry at me for going behind her back.

forewarned is forearmed.

Besides...it only intensifies the anger because she will throw a fit BEFORE and AFTER you do what you have to do. She will undoubtedly threaten you with divorce or whatever if you do it and when you do she is more likely to follow through with it.

Nope...never...not gonna...forewarn.

Expose and then apologize like you made a stupid mistake and shoulda known better. "Ooops...my bad, I'm sorry I upset you. I had no idea it was a big secret".

Mr. Wondering

Not so. If she's using Outlook/Exchange at work, her deleted e-mail will likely be stored on the server for at least a month after she deleted it, and in fact can be restored to her mailbox via the "recover deleted e-mail" facility.

Even further, if they're using Exchange and they've set up RPC over HTTP, and you have access to her password, you can access her office e-mail from your home PC over the Internet and do the same thing.

After i confronted them having lunch a few weeks ago, they started deleting emails, and then going into the "recover deleted email" to to delete them there as well.

I do have her password and am logged into her account right now. they are emailing back and forth as we speak. This is the only way i can see what they are doing because they delete everything right away.

You are kidding, right?

Do you not absorb anything that you read here?

Never for warn that you are going to expose. It only allows the WW to do damage control and paint you as the jealous and unbalanced husband spreading lies.

How did this transfer take place at work?

Did the OM request a transfer?

Moving to avoid suspicion of him having an affair at work.

Or was this separation a result of your exposure at work?

I remember you exposed to her boss. This was wrong you exposed to far down the food chain. He is most likely looking to sweep this under the rug.

You must send exposure letters to the CEO, the Director of Human Resources, and to the Board members.

As other's have said NC will only take place if they are not allowed to work for the same company.

I do not understand you letting your fear control you. You are letting your WW have the balance of power. You are letting her call the shots.

Doing what you have been doing has been letting her paint you as the bad person and building a case to justify D'ing you. While she is out banging the OM.

are you printing hard copies???

Do you now understand that the affair has never ended? And will continue until some action is taken to stop it.

How are you getting on her email at work, and how did you find out the password? I could use that as well.

he requested it. after i exposed to his wife, i think she made him do it.



i have not yet exposed at work



you must be mistaking me for someone else.

yes

yes, after yesterday i understand it clearly.

Not that it matters because they still work at the same place, but how do you know he was transferred to another building?

her work uses Microsoft outlook web access, so you can access it from any internet connection. I just used a keylogger to get her password.

If you have access to her account, set up a rule to move a COPY of any such e-mail sent in or out to a separate folder. Then, once every few days, move the contents of the folder to a local PST.

How do you access it through the internet?

Wife told me, though i did not believe her. They work at a university, so I was able to confirm it from the staff directory on their website.

Her work has the email system set up for access outside of work. I access it the same way she does.