yes, i will on calling her, right after i talk with Steve. The purpose of the session is to talk about the best course of action, so I want to wait until after that.

I know you will all say that I am just stalling again, but nothing is going to happen today that can't wait for tomorrow. My wife is spending old college friend who is in town today, so she won't be able to spend any time contacting the OM.

sigh.... yes, this is more stalling. Hopefully Steve can get you to do something because we have apparently failed and have wasted alot of time here.

ML,

I know it is stalling, but I am the type of person that usually needs to know the outcome before I decide to do something, and that is just not possible in this situation. I guess you could call it fear of the unknown.

Everyone on this forum has helped me more than you could possibly know. Before I found this site I felt completely lost. I still feel lost, but talking about this has really helped calm my feelings about the whole situation. I guess part of my problem in moving forward is that everyone here has given multiple options for my next steps, and I am having a he|| time choosing.

Ah, one of those. You need to get over that fear or the world will pass you by while you are still pondering whether or not to make a decision. You know, putting off a decision is still a decision that has consequences. Stalling and hoping the problem will go away is much more harmful than actually trying something. Again, what are you afraid of? What you should be afraid of is being trapped in a emotionally abusive marriage where you wife continually cheats on you while you do nothing.

the stalling ends after I have my session with Steve Harley tomorrow morning. I know I have done nothing to show you guys that I will actually follow through, but I fully intend to.

EVERYONE has told you to expose to the OMW. And your choice has been to ignore that advice. But that is your prerogative. It is your life.

I'm not denying that any I need to expose to the OMW no matter what else I decide to do. I just want to go over that plan with Steve before I do anything. I have not done things the prescribed way so far, exposing to OMW and her family, but not at work. Exposing to my family, but not telling her about it for 2 weeks. Clearly, that has not been effective. I feel that this next exposure is going to be my last chance, so I am very paranoid about getting it right, making sure that everything happens at once, OMW, work, her family, my family, maybe even her friends.

I can't fathom why anyone here would counsel you to take immediate action when you are talking to Steve in the AM.

I will be interested to hear his counsel if you would share it here. He will try to get your W involved in the counseling, of that I am sure.

i can't wait until my session with Steven Harley tomorrow morning.

I am beyond ready to blow this affair open as wide as can be.

Last night I confronted my WW about her change in mood since we were back in town from thanksgiving and back at work in the general vicinity of her OM. She was acting downright depressed on Sunday, but in a much better mood Monday and Tuesday night.

I asked her to show me her email to prove that she hadn't had contact with the OM. She logged in and showed me the inbox, deleted items, and sent folders, and nothing was there. When I told her to open the folder in her inbox she got really defensive and immediately logged off. We had a fight about what i need to be able to trust her.

Fast forward to today. She was in a great mood this morning, telling me how much she loved me and that everything will be ok and all that crap. During the day, there were no emails between them. I though (foolishly) that just maybe she came to her senses and told him to leave her alone. How stupid I was for even letting the thought cross my mind because at about 5 tonight, she sent an email to a new email account, not his work email, saying that she had deleted all incriminating emails and that if I wanted to check again tonight I wouldn't find anything. It amazes me how she can continue this and at the same time act like nothing is wrong at home, but I guess cheaters are all that way. My hope is quickly draining and it is being replaced by a desire to watch everything blow up in her face. I used to feel bad about causing her embarrassment at work because her industry is so small that even if she got a new job somewhere else, she would still have to interact with the people she currently works with. Well, not anymore.

You are all probably asking yourself why I am sitting her typing on this forum instead of going ahead with the exposure. But, since I have an AM appointment with Steve Harley, why not wait a half day and go over my plan in detail with the expert. I almost can't wait for the session.

Because if you would have exposed yesterday, you wouldn't have had to endure this new email that stabbed you in the heart once again when Steve would have told you the exact same thing. It's like drugs, the deeper they get into it, the harder it is to break. Don't let her get any deeper. I think it's pretty obvious that if you put it off any longer, they would be right back in the sack again.

Oh, and don't play games. Just let her know that you found out that she is still in touch w/ OM and she needs to find a new job (you can tell her OMW told you, and OMW can tell OM that you told her so you can keep your intel source safe). Lay down the law, and if she doesn't want to obey it, ditch her. There are even plenty of evil people that wouldn't cheat on their spouse as quickly as yours did.

OMG! Of course you should have exposed to OMW! Do you think Steve will tell you otherwise? As if! I have read threads where Steve has advised holding off on exposure to family and friends (temporarily) but NEVER to the OP's BS. As Jim said you wouldn't of had to put yourself through the pain of betrayal again if you had. This is a neccessity!!!

Hopefully you will do something afrter speaking with Steve. No way will he tell you to enable your WW's disgusting A.

Steve will slow you down.

Fools rush in where angel's fear to tread.

You are on a harley board and about to speak to a Harley. Disregard all other static.

Please share his counsel, tho.

Agree.

Any advice for my session with Steve?

It will only be my first session, but my goal is to come out of it with a clear plan to end this affair. I don't think I can wait another week to meet with him again while this [censored] continues between my WW and the OM.

This morning my WW was on her email, so I asked her to show me her account. Since I have her password, I knew that she had deleted all incriminating emails, but that she had forgotten to delete one sent email to a new email address of OM's. She agreed and showed me her inbox and deleted items folder. I then asked to see her sent items and the email to the OM was still there. I asked her to open the email and who it was from, again she got very defensive and would not tell me and logged off. We both left for work angry at each other. When I got to work, she had already changed her password. Then a few minutes ago she called and said "I can't stand when you are mad at me, so if having access to my email will make you feel better, I'll give you my password." I expressed how skeptical I was that she was so defensive about me seeing her email this morning, and then an hour later she was willing to give me full access. At the end of our conversation I asked her to give me the password, and she said she'd give it to me tonight and we could go through her inbox together. She must think I am a total idiot if she thinks this is going to make me feel better.

Jeez, just stop acting out until you talk to Steve. Get out of the house, go to the gym, stay away from her until you get on the phone with him. This email or that email is not going to stop NC or fix your marriage.

i know, i was hoping to catch her red-handed without giving up my source.

Take notes. Read through the articles here as much as you can.

Make sure he understands you are freaking out and confronting everyday.

Thing is....you've already caught her. You know what's going on. And she knows too.

All you're both doing is playing a game that doesn't end well.

Hopefully Steve will give you a plan that will end the game playing.

As Mike said, take notes. Be open minded. Have you read any of the Harley books or articles on this site?

Translation: "I've just set myself up with a new Hotmail / Gmail account to use for correspondence with the OM."