yes, but only to make fun of me! At my very first open talk, that same Bob C asked me to wear a red dress. hmmmm He wouldn't tell me why.

So I give my first talk, and found him afterwards to ask why I had to wear red!? He said in order to drum up attendance for my open talk he told other groups I was a MADAM!!!

tst---> smb--->

Ohhh!

And all this time I thought I was special
and only I got this speech from my wayward.
You mean to say they all say it????

Waywards

Oh Dear God You Rock! That's some funny funny stuff right there! You Pep are MASTER!!!!!

Get this fogbabble:

About 3 days before D-Day, WH was sending me emails from OW because I didn't like the "friendship". She had sent him an email wondering about getting the kids together and going to the park one day. He told her he had to talk to me about it (I highly doubt she had intended on me being there) and then he told her we couldn't go because we were supposed to go out of town on the days she was available. (Oh wait, he told her he wasn't allowed to go.) I later asked him if he had actually considered us all going to the park together and he said "Yeah, I thought the kids would have a great time playing." WHAT??!!! It never dawned on him that he would be going to the park with his wife and the OW!!! That is complete insanity. :crosseyedcrazy:

We laugh about this now, but wow. Talk about messed up.

My WW (now xWW) actually SAID: "It is all about me right now!"

Word for word.

Not only was she selfish and self-entitled, she was santimoniously and pridefully so...she watched me cry and just got mad saying: "Pull yourself together!"...truly remarkable

My WS suddenly started to go tanning at the beginning of last summer (before i knew he was W). I said "why are you suddenly going tanning" his reply was "this summer is going to be the summer of ***** (fill in name)."

I think i vaguely remember hearing it on a seinfeld episode. thats where he would have gotten it.

MY dr. tonite told me to write down all the cruel things WS did and said to me so i can get it out of my head and let it go on the paper. anyway I couldnt help it and gave the list to WH. I know I F***ked up big time. I am just having a screwed up day.

anyway i think i was stupidly thinking i would get an apology. well i did

"Im sorry for the way things happened"

Yeah cuz "the way things happened" said and did all those cruel things to me. It also had the affair. Not WS, WS didnt have any control over "the way things happened"!!!!!!!

"THE WAY THINGS HAPPENED" did it!!!!

its the unapologetic apology. Ws isnt taking any responsibilty for HIS actions.

I guess thats why plan B is DARK!!!!!!!

This is actually a very popular wayward phrase!

TRANSLATION:

I did not plan for this to happen , therefore I am a victim of circumstances. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance

Yes, I noticed how my WW/xWW would couch everything in the 3rd person to avoid any hint of personal responsibility. Exact quote examples:

"It is just too late now"
"I'm sorry for how our our lives have become"
"I wasn't looking for a relationship"
"I can't force my feelings...you don't understand"
"There is nothing left of us to rekindle or restore...I can't help that"
"I just was lonely"
"You left me first...not my fault"
"I am sorry for many things that happenned"
"God changes things and God wants me to be happy"
"Yes, I meant my vows...to a certain extent"
"We were just friends and then it kinda happenned"
"You ruined a good thing we had first"
"You broke your vows first by playing golf"
"I tried, but "it" never came back to me with you"
"I have to feel "it" with you and I just can't"
"You made me this way!"

Yada, yada...so freakin' sick!!!

I apologize, but that one should go in the running for WS quote of the year!

No need to apologize, Karma. I could write a book of wayward-isms that would make your head spin. ANYTHING to deny personal responsibility--my xWW is a master blame-shifter, scapegoater, concealer/avoider, read-my-mind-er, finger-pointer, and shooter-of-the-messenger.

The following is REAL--no freakin' joke:

[wife]
"I am thinking of taking my (interior design) business to the next level, what do you think?"

[me]
"Ok, sounds good and I support you if that is what you want to do"

[WW-2 years later]
"You ruined everything! You didn't listen! Didn't you know I was asking you to quit working and start a family?"


I KID YOU NOT...

Now THAT is funny...

EXACT QUOTE, Mark.

Here is another 'funny' situation that took place when I gave her all the photo albums of ours that she wanted (never answered me as to WHY she just had to have them) nearly a year ago and 8 months post-D:

[Post-meeting text from xWW--she had complimented my clothes and how I looked and asked for a hug; I had acted very 'neutral' and cool towards her]
"Thank you for talking to me but you weren't very complimentary towards me...maybe just needs some more time. Love, me"

[My (unspoken) thoughts at the time]
"I begged you to talk with me a million times and you just ran away and burned every bridge as fast as you could, so why are you (again) thanking me for talking to you? As for 'compliments', what were you expecting? "Gee, becoming a manipulative, deceitful, hurtful, trashy, immoral abandoner, howewrecker, and adulterer sure looks good on you! And, that 30 pounds you have put on since marrying the POSOM, as soon as the ink was dry on his 3rd D, really flatters you--love the way your thighs now rub together! Thanks for telling me how much you miss the ex-family & friends you so flippantly discarded...I'll be 'sure' to pass on your good wishes. What an angel you are...You must be sooooooooo proud of yourself!!!"

Just wanted to bump this. Pep did such an awesome job as usual! Some of the newcomers could learn from this one.

I have this on my watch-list. It's a very entertaining read...sometimes I wish I had the seniority to 2 x 4 these waynerds, but at 19 I don't feel I can 2 x 4 properly.

Let's see - for general translation purposes, whenever a wayward speaks, you can usually think this:

1. I want what I want when I want it.
2. I will blame the BS when I feel like it, and it doesn't mean much to me. In fact, it doesn't mean much at all.
3. I am out to satisfy my own wants. Whenever anyone else gets in the way of that goal, that person is attempting to "judge" me. "Judging" is now "bad", and therefore, if you are in the way of me and my wants, YOU are "bad".
4. Nobody understands me unless they are someone who supports my wants. In that case, they are a "good" person, and they are not "judging" me. They "understand" me, and they are my "friend". Probably, this person is my affair partner.
5. I absolutely cannot and will not listen to anyone who has had any experience with anything remotely like this experience - because MY experience is very unique and special, and I am therefore very unique and special among all human beings who has ever lived and who will ever live.


So, basically, unless you are talking to your REAL spouse, pretty much....

don't listen. Because what the wayward spouse has to say is self-driven.

Unless you have someone who can analyze the message and pull out the pieces that can help you, just step away from the mess and protect yourself.

SB

Thanks for keeping this one handy KR.
It is fun to go back & read this one.

Edit to add:
I searched the original poster sadwh, and this was his one & only MB post.
I hope his BW is enjoying her new life divorced from his abusive behaviors.

OR ......... I hope sadwh actually took my advice, called the Harleys and worked his butt off to make his BW safe, meet her ENs and provide just compensation..... I just doubt he had it in him.

I know this is an old thread but I was reading this and realized this is exactly whats going on with my WW.