What do you mean?

She seems to think she knows the rules about emancipation. Last night the cop told her she wouldn't get emancipated at 15 she just scoffed at him. And said "Whatever".

Ok. I think I know what you mean...

When I say No she wants a reason why I'm saying no. I told her that I don't need to give her a reason.

Or if I do give her a reason she begins to argue about why my reasoning is wrong.

so... I'd say yes... she's a future Jonny Cochran.

a trial lawyer will litigate parental rules

You know, our willful child is back under our roof while he goes to college, and he works too.

Our BIG rule is no booze in our home. DS is 22 years old, so he is of legal age.
DS tried to litigate the NBR (no booze rule), telling us variations of

"It's stupid."
"It's unfair."
"You can't control me."
"I'm not a problem drinker."
"What if I keep it hidden from Dad?"
"Dad has to be able to be around booze."

.... you get the idea

My response (my favorite response) is "Lucky you! You can move out."

DS's continued litigation.... "Are you kicking me out?"
Me ... "Only if you break the NBR."

eventually he got tired of the same broken record from me

Since your DD is underage - you can buy her a calendar - counting down the days to her 18th birthday. When she argues, you say "DD, aren't you lucky? You only have to tolerate my house rules another 1031 days."

I have MS Word.... I can just make one...

It could even have the number of days left until 18th B-day.

do it!

and when the need arises - you give her an emotionless report of her countdown days left

it must be factual only, with zero hint of joy or sadness or anger or sarcasm

like Dragnet .... "Just the facts"

Too Funny...


I think her reaction would be ... Yeah ... whatever, I'm getting emancipated when I turn 16.

I'll be thinking...

"I'm wearing a bio-hazard suite" "I'm wearing a bio-hazard suite""I'm wearing a bio-hazard suite""I'm wearing a bio-hazard suite"

and saying the serenity prayer over and over in your head (don't move your lips!)

bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Thanks for all your help Pep...

I'm drained... I need a nap... All this drama takes a toll on me emotionally.

hang in there pops
she's worth your effort

happy napping

Amazin,

My big mistake was exactly the same as yours. I didn't enforce the boundaries. She would beg, plead, tell me how sorry she was etc. and I would cave in everytime. I truly believe that contributed to her totally out of control state at the age of 24. Also, not sending her off to college (letting her live at home) was another huge mistake.

Let me tell you what happened when the excrement finally hit the fan:

DD was supposed to be finishing up her last year at school, but things were getting really bad. WH was travelling (and at the time living with OP out of town but of course I didn't know). I would come home to messes and strange people in my house. The minute I came in she would pounce on me. She wanted money, this or that. The fighting would be so bad, that usually I gave her the money just to avoid it. If I had a dime for everytime she called me an effing biatch, I would be rich. She basically ruled the house. Told me she would do whatever she wanted etc. I told her she couldn't get a dog, she got a dog. I told her she couldn't do this, she did it. Basically, I was afraid of her and she knew it.

By this time, I quit paying her car payment and insurance. Creditors were calling day in and out. A drug dealer took her car one day and someone set it on fire. Poof - burnt to a crisp. No insurance to replace it.

WH came home on Xmas which turned out to be my Dday as well. That didn't help matters much. Anyway, before WH decided to leave, we came home one day to a huge mess, the boyfriend had moved in, and we found a crack pipe in the toilet. It was too much. WH told her to leave. She defiantly got in his face and told him that he couldn't kick her out. She told him that she would call the cops on his [censored] and have him arrested. So, she proceeded to call 911 and tell them that her parents were trying to kick her out of her house, it was her home, and since she got mail there she couldn't be kicked out. When 911 asked how old she was and she told them 24, they sent the police out.

It was interesting. Two policemen came to the door. We showed them the crack pipe and told them that we wanted her out. Of course she mouthed off to them too. They asked her if she paid rent, she said no, they asked her if she had a lease, she said no, so they told her to leave. At one point, she was so mouthy that one cop told her if she opened her mouth again, she was going downtown. She finally left with her stuff.

Since then, WH left, we sold the house and I moved about 30 miles away. I moved mainly to get some relief from her. I've established boundaries now. After weeks of hanging up on her when she called me names or used the F word, she finally quit talking to me with disrespect. I don't pay for anything anymore, and I don't tolerate the abuse. I won't let her come to my house until she proves to me that she can be a law abiding, self-supporting citizen. I've made her responsible for her choices. As you may know, she has lost everything due to the drugs. Very sad. Someone that she knows recently told me that she said "I wasn't raised like this." That made me realize that she at least acknowledged her upbringing.

So my point? Same as before. I should have done this long, long ago - like when she was a teen. But back then, we were told that we were supposed to be "friends" to our kids. We weren't supposed to use harsh discipline methods etc. Sometimes I was too tired to deal with her, and other times I didn't want her to suffer. Didn't want her to miss an event that all of her friends attended etc. It created a monster that I could no longer deal with.

Stick to your boundaries. Do what you say you will do. Everytime. And stand behind your beliefs as far as the A is concerned. Hopefully if you can do that, she won't end up like my DD at age 27.

Thanks CL,

That gives me a little hope that I'm doing the right thing. I'm just so drained after dealing with her and the drama. I get worn down.

I'll be praying for you. Luckily, I didn't have to deal with mine as a teenager alone. WH was there then. You have to look at it sometimes as a project/game. We knew that Saturday night would be fight night, so geared up for it all week and sometimes looked forward to it - just to see how long she would fight, how many times the bedroom door would slam, etc. WH actually took the door off the hinges one time. Oh, it was a living h3ll.

Thanks again CL! I need all the help (from above) that I can get.


So... Over the weekend my DD-15 didn't say more than two words to me. I was supposed to have Duty on the base on Sunday but I traded with someone for Monday.

So I spend all day, there and slept at the base last night. I come home today and what do I find?

A clean house! The living room is clean, the dining room is clean, the TV room, the bathroom DD-15's bedroom.

I don't know what to think about that... Maybe DD-15 is making an effort. Maybe I should re-enforce this positive behavior with a reward... Like letting her go with her friend tonight like she wanted to.

That's great!

I haven't added more since my last post as I think it is wise to defer to the posters advice that have actually been through what you have been. I'm still on the battleground and my DD14 is not to the scale that your DD is. (yet) I have yet to see if what I do works in the long term.

You are getting GREAT advice.

Fox

Huh? Three F's and a D on her report card, telling the cops "whatever", and now she cleaned the house and you want to let her go out tonight?

Did you discuss with her any repercussions for the grades and the police being called?

Ditto, believer.

Well... now that you mentioned it.... I didn't tell her what she needed to do to get some of her priveleges back... she wasn't listening to me anyway so I didn't say anything. I took her guitar away, her amp, and her Nintendo. She still doesn't have those back.

Quite honestly... I haven't thought about what she needs to do to earn back those things or the privelege of going anywhere...

I'm open to suggestions on what she can do to earn those things back....

If you email me your address - I'll send you that book from Amazon. You really need some help, and it will aid you in getting DD squared away in about a month. It takes resolve and WORK, but will be much better than DD slowly wearing you down.

Thanks Believer,

Before you do that let me see if I can find it here localy. Maybe I can get it from Barnes and Nobel or one of the other book stores.

Amazon says I can get it by tomorrow if I order today.

What you may be re-enforcing is that if DD screws up, all she has to do is kiss a@@ to get her way. If she cleaned the house for the right reasons, and not to just get her way, then by all means reward her, but with something else. Don't give in.

You might tell her how much you appreciate her hard work and you hope that this is a sign that she's trying to do the right things. You guys have enough going on without her piling on her shenanigans. Your trust (in her decision-making, etc.) has been broken and it will take awhile to earn it back.