Well... Ex wife had suggested that the kids come live with her a few weeks ago...


Hello???? you're a truck driver... Are they going to live in the truck with you?

She's all bark and no bite....

With her history... and her financial ability... She doesn't have much of a chance.

No, she'll leave them home to fend for themselves while she is over the road.

That would be so incredibly destructive for DD15. She is wildly searching for stability.

This trip to the psyche ward may be just the answer. This was DRASTIC. Thank goodness the injury was not more serious. Hopefully, some good will come of this.

Get INVOLVED - she cannot do this alone. She may say she hates you, she may say everything is your fault, she may say alot of hurtful things.

In the end, she NEEDS you.

You are her DADDY - she is still a child. As hard as they fight that, they are still children.

She LOVES you - she is hurt, confused, angry, and lost. But she LOVES you.

You now have more support from outsiders that will have a little power over DD15 - use them to your benefit. They CAN BE a great help - don't let them put you on the outside.

Praying for you all....

Fox

I'm going to.... I have the custody papers right in front of me....



So... Both of us have the right to consult... But I'm the only one who has the right to consent...

PERFECT!!



Fox

I was thinking along all the same lines....

but I will say though this is frusterating for you, I'm not surprised that they wouldn't give you any information over the phone. And in all honesty, you wouldn't want them to. They don't know who they are talking to. So get those papers and go to the hospital and find out what you can.....

Hang in there...oh

and maybe a pit-stop to get a massage afterwards is in order....

(can't blame a girl for trying....)

not2fun

She is AFRAID, Amazin. I can guarantee you that.

She may talk big and tough - but inside she is a little girl scared out of her wits.

THIS is not what she expected to happen.

Not2 is right - take your papers and GO THERE.

WHY did they give xw the "password"? Is she still in town?

Get them straight from the get-go, Amazin. It is much harder to back track then it is to get them on the right track from the start.



Fox

She came back from the road...

Ex Wife made an accusation of abuse... so when I was at the hospital a social worker said that I shouldn't see DD-15 until the caseworker contacted me.

I talked to the case worker a little while ago. She indicated that DD-15 didn't want to come home. And that she's made some more alegations about abuse...That I'm punishing her because she went to WW's house for Christmas.

Insisting that your daughter do well in school and obey rules is not abuse. Stay calm and explain things to the social worker.

And you might want to copy off what you have been posting here to show your intention has always been to protect and father your daughter.

Amazin,

No advice I'm afraid...

Just prayers for you, your daughter and the rest of your family.

Our DD had some rough days when she was in her teens and was hospitalized several times over a period of about 5 years. I recall those feelings of helplessness.

Mark

ITA with believer. Explain the history of ex-w and what has been going on with WW and everything you've been dealing with DD.

Show them what you have done to find a solution to the difficulties between you and DD15. The books, your posts, your searches on the internet.....anything you can find. Tell them about your parental coach and the help you have tried to get there.

Of course, DD15 doesn't want to come home. So like a wayward, teenagers will do their best to find the path of least resistance. She will try to find the place that offers her the most "freedoms", not realizing freedom is the last thing she really needs. She is not ready to face this world alone yet.

Keep us posted. We are worried about you both.

Fox

Thanks for the encouragement.


I'm going to fax a copy of my divorce decree to the hospital....

I talked to DD-15's case worker at the Hospital...

She said that who's custody they release DD-15 to depends on a lot of things... Including her desires, the results of the accusations of child abuse.... If DD has a fear of returning to the home. If I want her back at home... etc...

I find it hard to believe that a hospital can over rule a court ordered custody decree... I understand about the abuse alegations... But unless the child is in danger and I'm found to be dangerous... then they shouldn't be able to do that...

It's incredible the powers that Child Protective Services have - make sure you know what they are.


Some of this just seems ridiculous. DD15 gets a SAY?! Obviously, she is disturbed by something. I can see that they need to look into the allegations of abuse. (this didn't come out right - I don't mean that she is disturbed because of abuse, just that they should look into any accusations and make a fair determination. )

A FEAR of returning home? Seriously? SHE has done the damage to the home and cussed at YOU.

What abuse is she alleging?

Hopefully they have seen enough manipulative teenagers to see through this.

I'd find yourself a lawyer - just to be CERTAIN that the decree is followed.

A psyche ward has their policies and procedures - however, it is not always the LAW. KWIM?

Fox

Actually, I think DD is just raising the stakes. She wants CONTROL back, where she can flunk out of school and still go out and have all of her privileges.

However, I'm not a shrink. So follow what they tell you to do.

I imagine your daughter is still very angry, but she will calm down and want to get out. It is no fun in there.

She will probably contact YOU. They usually have pay phones.

I would let her cool her heels awhile, and stay strong in your boundaries and rules. Don't beg her to come back. You can tell her you love her and want her, but SHE will have to comply with the house rules.

Again, ITA with believer.

I DO think she is scared - as she should be. This is not at all what she expected. I think she is in over her head now. She can bully you and walk out on you. THERE they have her locked up. All the freedoms she had with you are GONE. Maybe it will bring about some appreciation for you.

I think you should stay in the middle of the professionals at the hospital and be INVOLVED in that way. Know what her treatment is, know what the long term plan is, know what rights YOU have, know what rights they have. No one will watch out for her best interest like you will.

I also think that believer is right on the money when she says you need to stand strong on your boundaries and if/when DD15 returns home that those rules are there to stay.


Perfect.

She needs to know the love is there. She also needs to know that she must live by your rules.

Fox

Yeah, she will want to get out. Right now she is angry, but a psych hospital is very restrictive. At least where I was, and it was the best one in San Diego.

No shoelaces, you have to get shampoo from the nurses station (so you don't drink it), a day room where you can talk to the other inmates - that was fun, art therapy, counseling, and you had to earn the privelege of eating with everyone in the dining room by complying.

I stayed angry the first 2 days, and then wanted to be out of there.

I think she'll do the same thing her mom does.... blame me or someone else for her actions...


I plan on being involved... The hospital is about a 45 minute drive away.... I'm going there tomorrow.


Absolutely...

I got the rules off of the BILY website (Because I love you) Last week I called the county child and youth services after a cop gave me the phone number. They just happen to be the same agency that investigates abuse alegations. I got an information pack in the mail today... one of their reccomended resourses...BILY

This is EXCELLENT Amazin. So they will probably figure out pretty easily that this is just a manipulation by your DD (and possibly your Ex) since YOU contacted them first.

You don't wanna hear what I'd like to say to your Ex...

Maybe,


Oh yes I would...

I'd love to hear what you have to say.... but let me give you some more background so you can give it to her with both barrels...


I called the Tarrant County prosecutor's office today.(that's where the divorce took place and where a majority of her crimes took place.) I wanted to know about her criminal history. Specifically the hot checks.

She got 75 days in jail back in 98 for writing hot checks.... A class A mistamenor. Why was she writing hot checks? To pay for the drugs she was shooting up.

She started shooting up after she got out of the Psyc ward for suicide attemps.

She was only requied to pay $190.00 in child support for 3 kids and she couldn't even do that... I contacted the TX attorney general today to see about getting some back child support.... The next step is going to be for me to get an increase in child support money... According to her employers website she should be making about 40-45k a year. Her child support payments were based on minimum wage because at the time of the divorce she conveniently didn't have a job...

She lived 2 miled from my house in TX and at one point went 18 months without seeing the kids. Then refused to pick them up when she was supposed to or pay child support. That's about the time that I'd had enough. So I took her back to court.

My Ex tried to trick me into letting her take my DD-17 over to spend the night at WW's house...


It didn't work and I said no...

Now my DD-17 is pissed at me....

Grrr.... it's like I'm fighting all of them...

I asked DD-17 if she thought what WW was doing was wrong. She said you've done things that are wrong too... I said yes I have... But I've acknowleged my mistakes and I'm trying to change... WW hasn't acknowledged her mistakes and doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.