Yes, you do!

You don't get the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself when your children are in danger!

Tell your wife you want Primary Custody of your kids and get it in writing. Get a lawyer. You should have no problem winning if she fights it. The kids come first and your wife is allowing them to live in a unsafe enviroment. This is no longer about your marriage and excepting a non-bio kid....your wife is still sleeping with the OM. She made her choice. Its now about your kids!!!

So let me get this straight...

Even though her dads house itself is a suitable place for the kids, and this is going on, I have a chance? I mentioned to her that she needs to step back and take a look at what is truely happening, and I also mentioned what could happen(CPS taking kids) and she got extremely mad and won't talk to me. She is bringing the kids over right now, so that is good, but I guess I need some REAL answers so I dont go get a lawyer and end up wasting all this money for nothing.

Dagger,

LEt me say this to you as carefully as I can. A man is JUDGED and I mean JUDGED by how he rears his children, how he protects his children, and how he prepares his children for life. You are failing on all counts.

First, another man should NOT be sleeping with your children. The fact that he has been in prison makes it even worse. Where your W is staying, with her father, who she had little or no contact with for years, thus showing HIS parenting skills, puts your children in danger.

You go down to a lawyer, you file for divorce, and you file for full custody of your children with visitation by your W only as appropriate. YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.

YOu have messed up in the past, but you are a father, and right now you are the only parent in your children's life that seems to have their safety in mind...IF YOU DO.

Your W does not let you see your children whenever you want. You just got done saying how she did not bother to show up when she said she would. She is pregnant with another man's child and she has shown no inclination to acknowledge you other than she will demand financial support from you.

This site is about rebuilding marriages, but that only happens once the affair has ended. Her affair has not ended, thus there is nothing you can do, but work on yourself, become a better man and father, AND..PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.

There isn't a single person in their lives right now that is really looking out for them. The lessons your W is teaching them will make chances of success in their life very very small.

It is time to grow a pair and man up. You are afraid to be alone. You are afraid to have friends. You are afraid to change. You seem to be afraid of being a good father to your children. ALL of this has to change and change now.

In case you haven't noticed your W is NOT your friend. No one treats a friend as she is treating you. You both failed each other, but now you are failing your children. Don't let that happen.

Please speak with a lawyer and your family. It is time you protected your children. You can do nothing about your W and OM and the child they are having, but you sure can do something about your children.

This site is NOT marriage at all costs and it certainly NOT MARRIAGE AT THE COST OF THE CHILDREN's future.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

She's at her dad's right?

Is your house the house where the kids were raised in?

If that is the case, do not give them back.

She left, you got the kids back and they will be in their rightful home.

Any cops worth their salt will let a family court figure it out.

I don't have the funds right now to support child care or know anyone available to watch them while Im at work.

I have began to write down important dates like when she drop soff the kids, if he's with her or not(he was today), when I or someone else see's him at her place of residence, etc.. My sister asked me to do that, so the judge will look more kindly to my way. I will be speaking to a lawyer on Wednesday, as I'm native american and can get some help there for costs.

Cops around here are sort of one sided, I've seen many cases where the mother has gotten kids back on an instant. I'm looking up different laws and such for my state of South Dakota to see what I can and can't do right now.

Dagger,

I think you did the only thing you really could do after you went into FIL's house. They could have brought charges against YOU had you woken everyone and made a huge scene. This would have become a domestic issue and the cops could haul YOU off as you are the one who wasn't invited.

It's not fair. But it's pretty likely.

Get your ducks in a row and FIND A WAY to be the sole provider for your children. Men are generally conditioned to believe that they cannot do it alone or will have no chance with a judge.

This is not true.

You CAN.

Start working on a plan.....

There would be a question of whether he was invited but if he has a history of just walking in, it would be hard for them to suddenly say "he wasn't invited!" Anyways, even if the cops did show up he could have made the allegation of child abuse right then and there and the cops would have HAD to make a record which would lead to an investigation. I think it would have been worth it myself.

Having been a parent for 19 years now...I gotta tell you, where there is a will, there is a way.

You WILL find a way, Dagger. Why? Because the alternative to NOT finding a way is for your children to be raised by an immoral tramp who doesn't give a fig if her new flavor of the month is SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS HER KIDS...nor does she see anything wrong with it.

There have been many times I've come up against the impossible due to scheduling or funds...guess what? Nothing has been impossible so far...because I thought about it till my thinker was sore and I/we FOUND the way to make it.

Will you do ANYTHING to make sure your kids are safe?

It's time to be creative, if so.

Yes, i did think about them calling the cops. Not right then, but after I left. I have just walked in everytime I've gone there, however, someone was always in the kitchen or in the living room when I did, so they knew I was there.

Actually a cop did show up and park behind my car not 2 hours ago, but he did not knock or come in, he sat there for a few mins and then left...?

Don't think too much on it.

Cops have better things to do than to watch you.

Trust.

It's time to get the cops on your side, tho.

If you think that OM could be a threat to your kids, call the cops and ask for a "welfare check". Tell them that this man has been hanging around with your WW and you've heard that he's slept in the same bed as your kids.

They will go over to the house and document ALL the people there.

They will make a report with the documentation. Pull it from the PD. Keep records of what your kids tell you about what goes on there.

You are fighting for their little minds and souls here, dude.

He doesnt live there, he actually has his own house. My kids are only 2 and 3 years old so they won't be able to say much on whats happening, as long as their enjoying themselves, ya know?

I dont think OM will harm my kids, but I dont know him on a real personal level I guess. From the sounds of it he is not harming them except by being present to confuse them on where's daddy and who are you

You'd be surprised as to what they retain and remember. These are the years where imprinting begins.

Look, I've got 2 OCs from my husband's adultry. We've got custody and I'm raising them. You should HEAR what they remember. It'd make your hair turn white.

Sorry, but the prison thingy is enough for me to hold a grudge against him being around the children.

He's

Not

Worthy.

D U D E ! ! ! ! you have had no less then 14 replies about how WRONG this situation is with your kids.

WHEN are you going to get some hair on those cahonies and buck up.

your w is not a good mother and you making excuses about no baby sitter are not being a good father

ok you have an appointment with an attorney on wednesday. have him prepare an emergency custody order for you to be the sole custodial parent until this goes to court.

what grounds you may ask? how about your w sleeping with om AND your kids? how about om having a crimainal record? and what was he in the calaboose for? maybe domestic abuse?

my oldest dd took up with a guy who had a Dom abuse record. her exh (long story) who was a He!!s angel got an emergency custody order and removed her dd from her. it was quite a show and took a healthy chunk of my change to get her back. trust me it was no small matter. only the fact that the ex was a he!!s angel caused the judge to reverse the order.

now i am going to say something that you will consider bashing, but that's me.

i don't for a minute believe that you snuck into that house to talk to your w. you did that to try and catch her with her pants down. well you caught her and now you know for a fact what she doing. now what are YOU going to do about it?

i'm all for you dude but stop making stupid excuses why you can't take your kids or why she is this or that or how she promises to talk whenever, or hope she will see the light.

right no wshe is gone, gone, gone. save those baby's

i'm all for saving a marriage when at all possible. but in your case it may be well past possible. at least for now. while you are at the attorney have him also draw up divorce papers and seek cs from your w.

this will do several things. 1 - it will show her that you have boundaries. 2 - it will show her that you are serious, 3 - it will show the courts that you are willing to step up and be the parents of those kids,

and who gives a rats behind whether she is mad or not. she can take a flying leap for all that matters. she has no respect for you or your kids to place them in such an environment.

no more excuses dude, just git er done

I dont believe a word of this now. You went too far when you made up that story bout going in to the FIL's home, etc.
'
I know you want to have some fun with us. On a message board. '


Do you work at all>?/

Stellakat,

How was that helpful? I know you are parnoid about trolls, but you seem to be on another roll right now.

Dagger,

You are getting a lot of good advice from a lot of people, but you seem to be in a fog of your own right now.

I know you are probably in shock right now about all of this, but I highly suggest that you call the police and inform them of what you witnessed, or at least call CPS to report.

Good that you called om's gf.

But all of us 'old folk' here know how important it is that the kids have at least one good parent, and that would be YOU.

You have to protect those children, there isn't anyone else right now.

You have not been a good H, now is the time to be a good father. It may be hard to take this advice because I am sure you are reeling, but please, re read the posts to you and do what is HEALTHIEST for your family.

You WW is NOT being a good mom right now.

Go to your tribal council. They can help you big time.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

He is.

It's very common in this kind of situation.

But - he has very little time to be foggy and pops and I are trying to snap him out of it asap.

C'mon Bud-ro. It's time to papa-up for your young'uns. I think we may need to work on a list of stuff your lawyer needs to know.

Lists are always good to go into a lawyer's office with. That way you don't leave anything out.

Dagger,

There are programs out there to assist people with getting childcare. They will pay part or even ALL of the fees associated with that. I was a Child Care Advocate and I set people up to do this. Please go to or call your local Food Stamp office and ask them about programs to help you. You will need the children's birth certificates, social security cards, and your paycheck stubs. Get as much help as you can.

People on here are trying to help you and I know that it can come across as a bit harsh, but you have to do what's best for your children. Contact a lawyer ASAP. Your children do not need to be in that environment. It's very confusing for them.

Well we'll have to see come wednesday when I meet with a lawyer on what I can do. I don't believe he is physically harming my kids. My WW is still thinking that this doesnt effect the kids and that I created b.s. and maybe I did by pushing the subject of us for so long, but I'm turning the other cheek now on us, only talking about the kids, and am going to stay out of her life. She will realize one day once she pulls her head outta his a$$. She thinks things are so great right now, but they always are in the beginning! Marriage isn't comical by any means when its serious like this, I just think its ridiculous how some things are working out.

I'm in talks with my father and my sister on making a plan, as my father has been through the divorce courts several times and my sister recently had her H step out on her, but has since worked it out over time.

Once again thank you all for the advice. I'll take some of it, but some I will not take considering the situation. I think she'll snap outta this funk rather soon, a few months tops. You'd have to know the whole situation and us an individuals to understand it fully. I'm guessing that's where a counselor will come in for myself, and maybe my WW down the road.