I'm thinking about separating from my husband of 9 years (together 17) and would really like to hear from people who are now divorced.
I do not hate my husband, he's basically a good man, we don't fight often, but if we do, it's about sex. We have sex about every 2-3 weeks, but he wants more;
So you are not meeting his legitimate emotional need here. So are you going to say that you are a victim, because your needs are not being met when it's clear you are avoiding meeting a need you know is important to him?
I am not attracted to him physically, but still have a good libido. There has been no infidelity that I know of.
So there is nothing wrong with you physically that prevents you from meeting his need. From your other thread, he may need to do some work to meet your need for an attractive spouse, so why not spell it out for him, such as lose 20# and as long as you are on the path to success, I'll have sex with you 4x each week?
Instead of trading in your husband, why not find a way to work WITH him so both of you get your needs met.
Marriage is NOT fireworks, it's about being there one for another. If you can't be there for him, in this marriage right now, changing husbands is not going to fix your ability to be there for the next husband. So why not work on your willingness and ability to be there?
I think I made a mistake in marrying him, perhaps married for security; I've never felt very passionate about him and it's creating a huge hole in my life. We both know our marriage is in trouble and have had a couple of sessions with a MC. I know I need to be honest with him about not being attracted to him physically, but I know it's going to hurt him irrepairably.
What you just wrote is a Disrespectful Judgment. You really don't know if he can take the truth about your perspective or not. You are doing far MORE damage by withholding information from him. Information he needs if he wants to better meet your needs.
It seems from what you've said that he's communicated clearly what he wants, and you are not willing to provide that based on what you've written. You on the other hand, again based on what you've written are NOT willing to communicate you view and sit resenting your choice to marry him.
The mistake was not marrying him, the mistake was for you to marry, as I don't see an attitude that is worthy of being a spouse. I don't see you concerned about meeting his needs. I see you disrespectful of his character in your claims that he is too weak to take the bad news you don't like something.
Leaving him will do nothing to correct these flaws in your approach to marriage. Being dishonest, which is what withholding information does is very toxic to a good marriage.
If you can't be honest with your husband, today, then why would you be any different with another man? You have to correct the faults on your side of the street before you ever consider either getting out of this marriage OR getting into any other relationship.
Has anyone had a similar experience, and if so, did you/do you regret getting a divorce?
Nope, but I was divorced by a woman who seems very similar to you. I never cheated, never hit or even yelled. But I heard the very same things, "I never loved you." "It was a mistake to marry you." etc. It's sickening stuff.
Actually, 5+ years later, her leaving me was one of the best things to happen to me. I no longer have to deal with her selfishness, her overspending, her it's all about me and my needs and my emotions and my desires any more.
My daughter sees how selfish she is as well. She actually told my daughter my house is to far from her house for her mother to drive her there. But my girl is pretty smart, she knows that mom's latest boyfriend, (I think she is on #3 after the soul mate she had to end our marriage to be with) lives much farther away than dad's house.
I suspect she regrets the divorce today. I don't!