No she didn't. But my son is comming over to get thier stuff tonight. Or at least the clothes and personal items I put in trash bags for them.

And... My ex quit her job... so WW and POSOM must be supporting them. Or they're using up all the money my daughter had saved for a car.... If they are ... that's going to be a sore spot eventually for my daughter.

I hear that.

DD14 and I were talking on the way home last night. She has a friend that is going to be moving during the summer. DD14 says it is because she is tired of her mom yelling at her all the time so she is going to live with her dad.

I asked her what her mom yells about all the time. DD14 said she was grounded all the time because her room wasn't clean and sometimes she smarts off.



Sounds like me and DD14.

I asked DD14 why her friend just doesn't stop doing the things she is getting yelled at for and keep her room clean.

If DD14 thinks she is going to go live with her dad so she doesn't have to follow the rules, she's got another think coming.

I didn't say it that way while we were talking, but I think she got the point.

It just seems like they think nothing of jumping between each parent's house. When they don't like what is going on at one, they go to the other. It's just not right.

Fox

How is your relationship with your son?

I feel two ways about that - but in the end I wouldn't keep it from them, though I'd be sorely tempted. It could just fortify their feelings of "abuse"


Where, oh where, is that hand smacking the forehead icon?

This is NOT going to be pretty. Funny maybe, but not pretty.

Fox

OMG. Listen... can you hear it? The storm is coming.

Amazin... I believe you'll come out of this smelling like a rose.

I told you ... they all seem to hate me for one reason or another... I didn't let my ex wife stay at our house for christmas.... The rules.... The rent... I didn't buy DD15 a puppy, I didn't buy them cell phones.... etc... etc...

My son is pretty P.O'd that I asked him to pay rent... He's an adult working a full time job and was doing NOTHING TO HELP around the house... I couldn't even get him to pick up after himself. It was a token amount of $25 a week. He's making 250 a week. The idea was to get him to start taking some responsibility and get him to take some baby steps toward that while he was still under the protection of my household. My ex tried to tell me to leave him alone... and that she'd pay his rent... I told her if she wanted to pay his rent then she should get him a small efficientcy and pay for it... Continue to coddle him.

Now he's living with his 17 year old girlfriend and her parents... I see that as another train wreck waiting to happen... The girl is an only child and has been given everything she ever wanted. I see a break-up comming... in the not too distant future. Then what? ... I guess my WW will have another house guest...

Amazin - That is GOOD news really. Another 20 days of bliss with all of them shacked up together.

Hang in there and be strong. Maybe it can be continued again!

This will reallllly go far to solify the "facts" that you are abusive.... :RollieEyes:
Judges who deal with these kinds of issues have really good BS meters.

You are doing the right thing. I can't tell you how many times as a teacher students who moved in with the "fun" parent (after accusing the other of similar stuff) who moved back with the "bad" (the one who enforced boundaries) because the kids got tired of the chaos and realized they needed structure. I even had a student who moved in with an aunt because he wanted to be able to finish high school and his dad's only rule for him was "be home before I get back from work" (he worked graveyard). The kid may not have had the self-control to set his own boundaries, but he did have the insight to know he needed them. He graduated and went on to a great future.

You are doing the right thing. Hang in there.

I think the longer they are in the same house together the better. They need to stew and simmer in their own crap for a while. Who knows... Maybe my attorney will ask for a continuance or a cooling off period or.... a temporary trial period under the current arrangements... say... 6 months....LOL... I don't think my wayward will last for a month or two supporting them before it gets ugly.

Both those women hated each other at one point. The only thing they have in common now is their own hate for me. My ex wife is a dependent welfare queen and my wayward wife is the independant subversive "I'll lie cheat and steal to get what I want" type.... Not a good conbination... Two users who are using each other. The mooch and the manipulating control freak.

I'm the biggest discussion topic in that house. He did this and he did that and bla bla bla...

I agree with what everyone else is telling you.

I asked about your relationship with your son because I was wondering if he would talk to you a little when he came to get their stuff.

I know they are all in "hate Amazin" mode right now, but you are still the calm in the center of all their storms. DDs live in cramped and uncomfortable quarters and son living with girlfriend and parents. Amazin is still at HOME, with room and stability.

They'll realize that dad wasn't so bad. Your boy is old enough to help out with the rent if he chooses to stay there. There's nothing wrong with expecting him to do that. He'll realize it, too.

With time and a little discomfort.

You are doing well, Amazin, hang in there.

Fox

FYI:



I felt mine spine stiffen.


Fox (intending that to be funny)

I didn't talk to him. It's better that I didn't because I'm so hurt and angry it would have been counterproductive. An email or a letter might be productive.



I don't know how long that's going to last... If I have to pay child support and my wife and I get a divorce ... I won't be able to afford the house. And right now I'm upside down in it. It's worth less than what I owe on it. I couldn't sell it it I wanted to. And at this point I want to.


I sure don't feel like I'm doing well.

This is probably wise.

You might write some of this out - even if you never give it to them. Write it like you will, the anger, the hurt, the frustration, the betrayal, the worry, thoughts of the future. All of it.

It's festering and will take you down if you let it.


Don't borrow trouble. Take today and do the best you can do today. I know this is a worry, but fretting about it won't fix it.

For now, you ARE in it. That's a good thing.


I know it feels like you are fighting the world right now. Not knowing the outcome is very scary.

You ARE doing the right thing here. KNOW IT. You are giving your children very valuable lessons. You cannot see it now and may not for years to come, but holding your children responsible for their actions is the best thing you could ever do.

Out there, in the real world, the consequences for not doing so are much more drastic then being sent to your room or having your toys taken away.

You reall are doing well. Take care of yourself.

Have you been talking to anyone? your parenting coach? pastor?

Fox

Thanks Fox.

I talk to some of the people in my divorce care group. There's a couple of people from church. My brothers and sisters call often.

That's good. You may FEEL alone but you really are not.

Don't be afraid to reach out when you need to.

Remember to breathe.

Fox

How was your weekend?

Fox

In a word... Quiet!

My brother actually said something to that affect as well.

Even though I love my kids very much. There's no tension and conflict right now.

I wonder how things are at the ball and chain's place? I wonder if the tension is building? As hot headed as those two women are I think it's just a matter of time before there's a blow-up.

That's nice. Hopefully you got regenerated some of your energy. This stuff really takes it out of you.



I think that some times, too. DD14 goes to WxH every other weekend. DD15 does not - and there are times I just wish she would find something to DO for a night or two.

She is very easy - but I feel like I always have to be ON. I always try to remember that they won't always be there and that I should enjoy it as much as I can right now.

Take care, Amazin. We've got you in our prayers.

Fox

Thanks Fox,

I appreciate it.

Amazin - Any update??????????????

No not really. Still have another court date in a week or so.

I left a message with my son and talked to the child advocate. Told both of them that I have some more stuff they can come and get. My son was supposed to make arangements for yesterday. But I've heard nothing. So I guess the stuff isn't that important.