Don't make the mistake I did and let him get all the money. Half of his retirement is yours, half the equity in the home, and he will have to pay child support.

You can look up your credit report online for free once a year, but I forget where. That should show your bills unless he has gambling debts or owes the OW.

Hang onto your house and money. He is not thinking right. Who in there right mind would get their own apartment when they can't afford it? And all to impress his fantasy girlfriend!

I ended up with half of what was left, which was NOTHING. My ex got me to let him have all of our assets to finance the affair. We raised 8 kids together and had planned to retire and travel. That dream is GONE. He is alone and miserable, and I am alone and happy.

PLEASE don't do this! He is NOT your husband! This man is an alien, and a LIAR! He is counting on how nice you are, expecting you to not be able to be mean to him! He is setting up a love nest for him and OW! The ONLY way he will ever come home is if you make it as hard as possible for him to carry on the affair! PLEASE don't sign anything or agree to anything! Tell him if he wants anything, he can SEE YOUR LAWYER!

ETA: He deserves a place to live? He HAS a place to live; HIS choice to give it up and try to be a Don Juan, to relive his youth. HIS choice. So he can figure out how to pay for it. Let him get a second job if he wants it so much.

Personally I would never tell him a single thing more about the boys.

Well today I called the bank to make sure he couldn't touch my savings account in my name only and found out he has been bouncing checks all over.
Had to call, how do you nc with someone when there are issues like this.
He says he made a mistake and his dad has given him money to furnish apartment ect... he just bought a 3 year gym membership with a credit card, he says now the account is up to date and we a re okay for about 9 days.
I didn't want to talk to him, but I didn't need this added stress. while on the phone our 15 year old son came in the room, hasn't seen his dad since the move, and they are going to go out to lunch,, ouch.
I put the rest of his things in the garage and told him please take them, but do not come in the house.
Now I am hiding in my room so I don't have to see him, can't take it.

(((browneyes)))

Whatever you do, don't give him money! I predict he'll be asking you within the week. "If you won't refinance, you OWE me some money so I'll have a place to live."

He's up to no good. doesn't matter if he signs a legal paper. You can't throw him in jail if he doesn't pay. You can only sue him in court for it.

But if you refinance with him, you're on the hook to the lender for all the monies borrowed right along with him. Why would you consider taking on a legal obligation to repay more $$$ for debts you aren't aware of? heck, the $$$ probably went for OW anyway. So what if he signs a legal binding contract? He's already done that on his marriage certificate and he didn't abide by that.



Not saying that you have to get a D, but please get legal counsel on how to protect yourself financially while you do plan B. Don't sign any obligations. In fact, tell him that to even consider refinancing you want him to sit down in front of you at your computer and get download his credit report from each credit reporting agency. That way, you get to see exactly what debts he has in his name without him having the opportunity to alter the reports.

I'd also recommend that you get your reports asap. That way you know if you've been a victim of fraud at his or anybody else's hands.

When people are cheating, they do the craziest things. I've known couples where the waywards and their affair partners took out debt "jointly" under the married couples names. The betrayed spouses were floored that the AP actually used their identity to open joint accounts with their cheating spouses. Talk about a legal nightmare. The betrayeds had to go and sign affidavits that it wasn't their debt and that they were victims of fraud.

You've got to protect yourself and make sure he isn't taking out debts in your name without your permission. Also, find out what obligations he will have to you. Some states just split everything 50/50. Others allow alimony. Be informed so you can make good decisions on how to proceed.

I know it is just so fu... hard to beleive that this man who I have loved for over half of my life could not only hurt me like this, but lie...
I will see a lawyer on Monday.

Well I woke up this morning feeling okay, and then he came to take my son to lunch and I found him in the garage taking more of his stuff, tried to be happy, told him I miss him am worried about money please think about what your doing, and he said I am always angry, never happy and he needs to get away. He says you come into this life alone and when you die you are alone.

I told him when you come into this life you have 2 loving parents and if you play your cards right when you die you have your loving family.
Jurting worse then ever my soul just had its final crack

he just texted me and said he is just one person in my life and I will be fine, he says he is just selfish.
I texted back and said no refinance if you want to make our kids loose their house than do it

Browneyes. Stop expecting him to do ANYTHING for you. He is trying to take advantage and will do whatever to get more money for his affair. Then I will tell you exactly what will happen. The OW, who he will insist doesn't have the slightest interest in your money will help him blow whatever equity you have in your home, any savings, and his retirement if he can get at it.

Then the affair will end, and hubby will be back, and you and he will get to work forever just to get back to where you are now. You will end up resentful that everything you worked for is gone.

Tell him you won't refi - he can get 3 jobs, and the OW can get 2.

And please, please go see a doc so you can settle down and fight this threat to your family.

I think the worse part is my kids listen to him and he said he sked me to change, go to the gym with him, he never asked not one time. I told him I wanted to join and he said wait until his membership was over and we would rejoin together.
Well he just rejoined alone again.
I cried my self out threw up bubbles (no food) and tried to watch tv with my kids, they can't stand me either right now

BE,

You need to try and get something in your stomach. Please do not do what I did. I could not eat and it got to the point where I was millimeters away from calling 911.

I was so sick...and this happened in August 2007...I tried to call WH to pick me up from my g'ma's where I was taking care of her, or trying to, anyway.

Well, no answer. I was so sick and weak I barely made it home. When I did I had to go straight to the bathroom and throw up. I couldn't walk more than a few feet before dizziness made me need to lie down or throw up.

I made it to the couch. WH came in to "check" on me--probably to make sure I wasn't going to interrupt the IM session :RollieEyes: --and brought me a bucket.

If I even moved a FINGER I would throw up. I couldn't move. Could not move at all. Forget eating and drinking. And when I would retch and/or vomit, it felt like I was going to heave up my liver.

It was really bad. To be fair now, WH did do small things, bring cool rags, etc. But always right back to IM with Slag.

How I made it to the bedroom is beyond me. Sleep was ragged. In the a.m. he got ready for work and I had the worst vomiting session yet.

I apologized for being sick...how stupid is that? :RollieEyes:

He said, "It wasn't that bad." :RollieEyes:

Hello? I was thisclose to calling 911 for an IV drip. I knew they would probably take me to the hospital, though, and I sure as hell didn't want that!! That would have given the adulterers a chance to run off. Or whatever.

Have me committed. They talked about it, that's for sure. I saw that with my own eyes.

Anyway, long story short (Too late!!)--I managed to crawl back out to the couch that morning. I called the doctor. WH-Gray called and offered to come home from work to take me. But I still couldn't walk more than a few feet without the dizziness and horrible nausea.

I declined. I slowly made my way to the kitchen and got some chicken broth and some crackers and tried to get my stomach to accept food.

It was a long, arduous process. But finally I was able to keep food down.

Whatever you do, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...I know you don't feel like eating but at least drink some broth, bouillon, stock... something with a little nourishment in it. Get some Pedialyte. My Mom got some for me, she didn't know about the A yet but had her suspicions...it tastes really awful (poor babies!! Yikes!) but if you water it down a little it's okay.

Just do that, at least. Get something on your stomach so your system isn't totally out of whack.

Just do it. And I want to thank you for making me remember that day because I need to remind Mom about this for court. I'm sure she remembers trying to get me to eat.

Take care,

Charlotte

Can you go to the emergency room and get some help? You are not getting that this can get better.

You need to just stop talking to him.....what was the point of going into the garage while he was there? you are setting yourself up for more pain everytime you break the boundry you know you need to keep. for today....turn off the phone cell and home. lock the doors. lights off. go out if need be. kids turn off phones.....everyone needs a break especially you. he can suffer with not getting his fix. Because you know thats what he's getting from this right?

I know I know, at the end of all this today I told him to leave me alone, and he is, that hurts too. There is just no winning.
I tried to eat tonight but just got sick.
I won't talk to him again and I will see a lawyer on monday, and my doctor too, I know I need help with this, I can't do it alone.
I am a strong beautiful women. I work at SAfeway and people tell me all the time what a nice smile I have, but I will never ever trust a man again. NOt him or anyone else, so I guess I do get to be alone.

I highly suggest from here on out you use an intermediary....someone who can filter out the excrament.

Well that easy enough he talks to all 3 of our kids, when he feels like it, tried to tell them my faults and why he needs to be happy.
By the way he says he didn't spend anything on furnishing his dad gave him $1000 to help out.
Great right, I called him yesterday to expose and he didn't believe me.
I told my husband if money is so bad why don't you ask him for more

*Hits buzzer* EHHHH wrong....don't put the kids in the middle of the warzone with white flags....thats one way to alienate them from you. do you have any friends there who would be willing to step in to an intermediary role?

Secondly you need to stop focusing on him....focus on you right now. you need to be fighting like a lioness protecting her cubs. Your husband is alien to you...an outsider....outsiders try to come into a pride and change everything and rule by there will. Time to fight back and protect your pride from the outsider.

Find an intermidiary...and stop fighting in front of and using the children as the messangers.

Talking to him is making you sick and putting you back to square one...Solution? Don't talk to him--
Asking him to not contact you is not working? Solution...Make it to where he can't contact you.
Seeing him is hurting you? Solution...DON'T see him and especially don't tell him you miss him???? Huh? Even if you do, you shouldn't let him be assured of this.
And, my thing is...What is up with this guy and money? Something serious...bouncing checks? Borrowing money from dad? Getting a 3 year gym membership when he doesn't have any money? Debts you don't know about? What is going on with all that?
Maybe you should sit down with all your kids and just explain to them what is going on... WH is telling them things to turn them against you it sounds like. They are all grown and you should be able to talk to them.
I know you're sick to your stomach but you do need to try to get something to eat...any little something. Even if it's just some saltines--the salt on them helps nausea.
Good luck with the lawyer tomorrow. I hope you do go see one--you need protection from this man.

Have you told your children yet that he's having an affair? IF you are following the Marriage Builders program, the Harleys tell you that you HAVE to tell your kids the truth. They NEED to know the truth.

Who else have you told? You do know the number one step to take is to expose the affair, right? You need to tell as many people as possible, all at once. And call his dad back and tell him HOW you know.

Look I have talked to his dad and he says phone calls text and email is not an affair, wh is just not happy with you.
AS far as the kids go. he was saying his good byes to them and explaining to them why he is gone, and when they tell me I try to explain about fog ect...
I know this isn't my husband, but I can't change what he is doing with the boys.
They are all men too and they all think dad will be home soon and I should let him have this time.
To them ea is nothing also.
I am not putting them in the middle of a war, I have told them that I was blindsided, didn't think anything was wrong with our marriage and now we all have to find a way to survive this.
AS for the esating, I actually ate last night and have been throwing up ever since.
AS for the money, he has always been a big spender, goes through money like water.
I have always been a saver, and in the last year he has needed most of my savings and I didn't see it coming.
I always thought okay times are tough, he makes less than before, gas and everything else is expensive we will get through this.
Now looking back I told him last year lets save, I don't need presents, how about mussy cards telling me how much you love me, so guess what, no presents and mussy cards full of lies.
I have to talk to a lawyer about the money, I have been taken care of all my life and I guess it is time for this 49 year old women to grow up.