You are 49? Wow. You deserve to have a great life. Life is too short.

I would go to the Dr and find out why you are puking. There is something wrong.

If you don't start babying yourself, being good to yourself and taking good care of yourself who will?

Please treat yourself like you would one of your children.

1. QUIT thinking about your husband for today or a couple days.
2. Get some good food cooked and slowly eat it
3. Play calm music and relax when you eat.
4. Start thinking how you would live WITHOUT a man.
5. Call and get some counseling appts lined up
6. Learn not to be needy, emotionally or otherwise.
7. Figure out who YOU are and what YOU like to do in life
8. Eat nice snacks throught the day.
9. Yogurt, cheese, crackers, hot chocolate, soup, spaghetti, casseroles, hamburger, have all this around the house ready for you to heat up and eat.
10. Pretend you are a needy baby and you need to take care of yourself gently like you would a small infant.

YOU WOULD NEVER STARVE AN INFANT WOULD YOU?


It is too long you have not had a strong and beautiful identity for yourself apart from a man. Maybe this is a chance for you to develop one. Go thru it with bravery, courage, and gritted teeth. You are going to learn to strengthen your self esteem so you wont freak out at anything in life.

Another thing:

YOU ARE STARVING YOURSELF

YOU ARE FREAKING YOURSELF OUT

YOU BEING IN CONSTANT ANXIETY

YOU ARE PUNISHING YOUR BODY

YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HIM CONSTANTLY

ALL THIS PAIN YOU ARE BRINGING ON YOURSELF IN ADDITION TO THE NORMAL PAIN YOU FEEL AT HIS BETRAYAL:

WILL NOT RESULT IN ANY CHANGES TO THE SITUATION.

ALL THIS WILL NOT RESULT IN HIM COMING BACK AND THINGS GOING BACK TO NORMAL.


SO PLEASE QUIT DOING THIS TO YOURSELF HONEY! IT IS A WASTE!

YOU ARE PRECIOUS AND NEED TO CARE FOR YOURSELF AS IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF!

Who else have you told about his affair?

I have told everyone, and I know he's not coming back, don't even know if I could let him, I know I need to eat, I know I know I know.
I can't explain the marriage I had with him, it was so beautiful and I will never trust a man with my heart again.
He is jusr going to have to accept what he is done and I truley hope he's happy, but I don't want to know about it.
My boys are my life now, and I will try to be strong, but right now I can't eat, when I try I get sick.
I pray and I am not being listened to.
My dad was a minister and he taught me to always be kind and loving and that everything happens for a reason, but this time I guess the reason just doesn't make since to me.
I know people have it worse than me in alot of ways, and I pray I will be okay, but right now I am mourning the fact that the last 1/2 of my life has been a lie and now I will be alone forever with the pain that I let someone else take a strong women and crush her into nothing

I pray and I am not being listened to.

Honey, i know you feel you are not being listened to. i know you feel this way. But sometimes our own feelings lie to us.

I can tell you from everything I have learned in life that:

God is listening to your prayers
God loves you
God has things to show you
God will not instantly wipe out our pain but will bring the lesson to us.

So the black clouds are blocking you from God right now. But HE is still there!

Hang on to that! HE IS THERE even if you DO NOT FEEL HIM!

Well trying to be okay today, best I can hope for and my 15 year old asked for my safeway club card number for his e script at school (fund raising for baseball)
I gave him the info and he asked me what my last name is.
Ouch ouch ouch hadn't even thought of that one yet

Browneyes - You are not thinking right, probably because you are still in shock. The rest of us can see it.

To think that hubby is permanently gone, that he is going to toss everything for a fantasy is unrealistic.

He is temporarily INSANE. If his dad can't see that, I don't know what to say. Come on, we are in a RECESSION, people are losing their homes. What normal person would go on a spending spree, move away from their wife, and try to mortgage everything? It is like a drug addict trying to get their fix.

Let him fall on his face. But please don't let him drown you in the process. Have you attempted any of the self care that Stella suggested?

Ues, right now you are in the depths of grief, but you DO need to take care of yourself, so that you can be there for your boys! You do NOT want any OW trying to take your place with them!

You can AGAIN become a strong woman.

Do NOT pay any attention to what your WH SAYS.

PROTECT yourself and your finances.

ORDER a credit report for both you and your WH and FIND OUT what is going on with the money.

The next time your husband tells you that you are going to lose the house unless you refinance, tell him that you should NOT have to change your lifestyle or home because HE wants to rut in the affair pigpen that is his apartment. Tell him that he HAS a home, but you are not going to finance his affair by refinancing your home.

Show him your STRENGTH!

Since interaction with him is hurting you so badly that you may be lovebusting, go to Plan B NOW! Do NOT answer any of his phone calls. Do NOT allow him inside your home. Do NOT go outside if he comes over. Do NOT call him.

He is hurting you with his cruel words because he CAN. Take that ability away from him!

Your own son asked you what your last name was? Huh??? Is it normal for son to need that type of card # for a school thing? Or, is WH trying to get it for some reason? I would be a little skeptical given the money situation with you WH.

God hears all prayers. They may not be answered immediately but God has not abandoned you.

I know this is an old cliche but everything happens for a reason. This MAY be a blessing in disquise. Who knows?

BE,

DO NOT run your body down because of what this [censored] is doing!!

You can't eat...at LEAST drink some chicken broth, bouillon, whatever. Get some Pedialyte. Get some Gatorade. Get SOMETHING to balance your electrolytes!!

You DO NOT want to end up in the hospital!! What do you think will happen then? He might have you committed and then you will be OUT OF THE WAY so he can do whatever he damn well pleases with your money and your house and your life.

Don't let him do this to you!! He is NOT WORTH IT!! NO ONE is worth destroying YOURSELF over!!!

I KNOW it is hard. I was EXACTLY where you are, as were many others on this board.

You need to be STRONG--yes, it's HARD!! But you CAN do it!! You absolutely CAN!! You MUST!!

Charlotte

Do you want your son to have to call 911 for an ambulance when you pass out or go into seizure, and have to sit by you while he waits, and wonder who he's supposed to call? And blame himself for not taking care of you?

If you don't eat or drink, that's what is going to happen.

The escript thing has nothing to do with money, it is a fund raising thing used by schools and they have people sign their club card up and get a very small percent of what you spend when you shop.
No his asking about my last name wasn't something his dad asked, he is 15 and just wanted to know.

Also wanted to add that I have turned off my cell, told the boys not to tell me anything they here.
Today is the first time in 25 years that we have had no contact.

A great step, browneyes.

We are here for you.

Well everyone,
I have contacted a lawyer, can't see me until tommorrow, I was hoping for today.
Yesterday was as hard as the day he left, wow already a week.
WE had no contact at all for the first time in 25 years.
I cry myself to sleep at night and I wonder where life will lead me.
I realize now that he was right, we need be apart.
I wrote him an email telling him That I love him, but I am done, I hope he finds peace, I just don't want to know about it.
I have given up hope that he will come home and I go between wanting to die, and knowing I will get through this.

Is it possible she could have been making trips here to see him and him financing it?

I guarantee you that he's spent money romancing OW- I definitely agree that you need a credit report to see exactly what the damage is!

Do NOT refinance your house unless a lawyer tells you it is your last option. He ran up bills on OW? Oh well, let him pay them!

I understand that this is the most painful thing in your life. I understand your feelings but you would be doing yourself a HUGE favor right now if you would exercise the no contact rule for the time being. This means emails too. You are reinforcing to WH your weaknesses which he does not need to know or be reminded of.
The world is not going to end if you go for a day or two with NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. Communicating in any way, shape or form is re-opening the wound for you.

Dear B.E.:

I am glad to hear the fighting back starting to come into your voice. Baby steps, now. Only worry about today- and getting thru it.

Egads! I can't even begin to say I know what you are going through, but I can say I have seen good things happen to the BS who stay on the site- and take the advice posted here.

Your sons need to know that there is a teacher/woman/mother inside of BrownEyes that can stand up to anything, for anything. The best lesson you can teach them now--< and learn for yourself> is that:

It is NOT that you got knocked down, but you picked your a$$ up and finished the gol-daurn race that matters!

and I don't mean this as a "rah-rah" chant. I mean, if I have to limp or drag my buns (kicking and screaming) with tattered shoes and bruised ego down that trail -- I am going that way.

Which way? Don't know yet. We all need a "life GPS" to help us down the trail. Chin up, pac a lunch --pee now- it is going to be a long journey.

I am praying for you,

I asken him for no contact and that is why he didn't call yesterday.
The email I wrote was a no contact letter telling him, I love him, but this is not okay and I don't want any more contact.
I was actually strong when I wrote it anf I felt it was something I had to do.
He called this morning and without looking at who it was I answered.
He was on his break at work and just wanted to see how I was.
I didn't cry said I will be fine and asked how he was.
He said fine working so he doesn't have to think. Loves me and misses me, but not sure what he needs in life.
He says he is not the man I thought he was and that I will be better off without him.
Sadly I agreed. I told him I know him better than anyone and I don't believe he will be happy, but I hope he is.
Again I did not cry until I hung up the phone.

I pulled our credit report and the score is excellent for now, I see balances, but not charges so no way to know how he is spending, I will ask lawyer tommorrow what to do next.
I guess now I wait and see what comes next.
Thanks for your support.