"In all other respects, I have been a kind, empathetic, principled, law-abiding, ethical, and honest man. Most of who I am is really very good, believe it or not. I have done many good things for people and for the community, and I have wide respect."

I do believe this.

Of course, all addicts deny they are addicted..................

But you are smart enough to look at the possibility. The thing is, whether you believe it or not, SA's who get treatment can do just fine.

And as far as the post-nup, I would NEVER urge anyone to sign anything that would wipe them out financially. Protecting your wife is one thing, destroying yourself quite another.

citation?


By whom? It sounds more like a pre-nup to me.


No, nor would I.


Oh please, you can find an attorney that will write up whatever you want. The foregoing of an instant divorce is the just consideration.

I don't think it should ever be 100 percent. But I do think that a medium weighted settlement should be the price for her staying here and working on the marriage, and your price for the wretched history.

I'd suggest:

65-35 in any divorce at any time from this time forward for any reason.

85-15 for any divorce based on new infidelity by you.

The deal you propose is what she would get anyway. Don't waste the paper and legal fees.

Excellent suggestion, Mike. Those numbers look good and reasonable. Our appointment with the attorney for the post-nup is tomorrow, and I will suggest those figures if SSS is in agreement.

I didn't leave it up to our attorney. SMB & I "TOLD" him what needed to be in the Post-Nup. SMB would receive 100%....

I desired to show SMB how committed I was to do whatever it takes to recover this marriage and allow her to feel safe financially. SMB asked me for a post-nup, but didn't ask for 100% of our assets. I offered. Then I put it in writing.

Again, I think that suggestion is crazy. 85-15 split? Better go get your head examined. Any competent attorney will advise you not to sign.

Not to be catty, but it speaks volumes that you say "most of who you are" is very good.

I'll put my community service accomplishments, elected office, local government and governance committees and boards, youth sports, church charities, etc right up there with you, but it is maybe 5 percent of "who I am". And that 5 percent, in retrospect, may have been an ill-advised attempt to escape from the unfulfilling marriage.

I have worked with hundreds of people in various aspects of community service. The vast amount either have lonely lives and are looking for company, have personal or professional agendas, or are looking to be lauded by some mantle in the community. I was 1 and 3. True altruists are few and far between.

I just looked for it briefly but there is a quote out there somewhere that says "If you want to find a bad marriage, look for a man involved in local government".

What would you suggest that would be enough to keep SSS comfortable and going forward, and ppowerfully enalize GM for future straying?

BTW, I believe GM said a lot of his assets are tied up in a "personal trust" of some sort that doesn't include SSS. That would have to change.

This may be reasonable?





This is NOT a reasonable offer for a man that is repentent.

100% is the only reasonable offer for a BS to stay in the game.

That's not accurate. He can offer the equivalent cash value of said assets, it's not necessary to offer the asset itself. That is what I had to do regarding my business assets.

The 100% thing didn't sit well with SSS, either. I am a novice with this. Mike has some great suggestions, and we will use those figures in our meeting with the attorney. Thanks, Believer. Everyone here has been so great.

OH, BTW, sss, I am going to cover myass with a 15% protection plan in case I change my mind and have another affair.

Not a committed WS......

That is acting like the chicken at breakfast supplying the eggs instead of the COMMITTED pig supplying the bacon!

Yes, that is right. And our Trust attorney said that a post-nup constructs the entire divorce settlement thing and supercedes the Trust setup. The Trusts that are in my name, which are mine alone, have SSS as the beneficiary, and hers have mine as the beneficiary, but those things apply to survival, not divorce. We are pretty sure neither of us is going to shoot or poison the other LOL. The post-nup will take care of the actual numbers in case of a divorce.

I have no idea what their assets are. But I would suggest that IF he strays again, SSS be guaranteed enough to be able to maintain her lifestyle as it is now.

To suggest that GM be penniless is CRAZY. And I like and empathize much more with SSS than I do GM.

The aim of MB is to have both partners recover and prosper.

LOL.

I love your analogy, but SSS has told me unequivocally, that she could not stand the thought of me living out of a box. Anyway, even if we cannot make it, we will remain friends. As for me, the whole thing is moot. Infidelity is simply not something I am ever going to do again under any circumstances. That is why I would not object to a 100% settlement for her in case of future infidelity.

Then just do it!

100% if you cheat again gives your wife 100% control of the purse strings. If she wants to be compassionate after that, it's entirely in her control. But it would ALL be her decision at that point. And it should be!
You would survive! And I know you would not need to live out of a shoe box!

GM,

To me this is a point of truth for yourself. If you are NEVER going to have an affair, why cover yourass at all. It's NOT a mute point. It's been an entire marriage of deceipt. Offering 100% if you have another affair is the only tool I know of in your arcenal to have even a smiggen of hope to restore any trust.

This is not about what your wife want's, it's about how far are you willing to go for your wife. Are you willing to go 85% of the way, or 100% of the way?

Dunno? Only know that I went 100% of the way. It has paid great dividends in our recovery as a result.

If it's not 100% then why should SSS stay? It is a choice to have an A. Are you not 100% sure that you won't decide to have another one? 15% is a backup plan. This is your chance to SHOW her that you mean what you say and it will go a long way.

She shouldn't hang around if you already have a backup plan "just in case".

I think the preferred term now is "hearing impaired"...

This is a place for a legal opinion, but the bottom line in these cases is there has to be a doctrine of "fairness".

In addition, you want to have the terms such that it is basically "fair enough" to not warrant protracted litigation.

In addition, as GM said, will a betrayed spouse literally clean another one out 100 percent....and stick to it for years to come? Or will family and kid pity, etc, wear that down...you want it to be a threat that can actually be stuck too.

I mean, 85 percent is a baseball bat to the head enough. I don't think anyone is going to rationalize "Well, I'll give up 85 percent of my wealth for this hooker helmet wash, but if it was 100 percent, no way!"