We will do whatever she wants in order to feel safe.

And that is exactly what we are committed to do. To make that happen includes doing whatever makes SSS feel safe. If she does not feel safe with an agreement, it isn't going to do anything to help us. She will decide the numbers.

(The way things are going in the world, maybe we will ALL be living out of a box pretty soon.)

You have a good point and are probably right. Being involved in those things more than the usual person was obviously some form of substituting for what was missing in my marriage. It was both a refuge from problems and also pulled even more time away from our marriage, as well. None of them are for self-aggrandizement. I just enjoy the stuff. The music festival, astronomy newletter, an community anti-litter/cleanup thing, running the youth music program, etc. It isn't big profile or government stuff like you are referring to. I enjoy it when people thank me, because it is all volunteer. So, I admit that I like that. But to a great extent, it was an escape from my own problems in our marriage.

Sorry. Your main point about my saying "most of who I am" is not the right interpretation. I was referring to a lot more things about me than those organizations, but to the personal, to empathy, kindness, appreciation for beauty, for justice, etc. SSS would not have stayed with me through all these years, if she did not like me for many things that are good about me. But my behavior to her and my behavior in secret in our marriage has been unconscionable and in many ways, just plain evil. I don't know what percentage of "me" that represents. I do believe that we are all many different things in different circumstances, but we all carry complete and total responsibility for our own actions.

<quote> But to a great extent, it was an escape from my own problems in our marriage.</quote>

Have you quit them all? I did on d-day, everything, including an elected office. Wife quit all her community affairs, which were considerable

And, sure you can always say the big quarterly newspaper comes out in March or some other excuse, but your time is SSS's and hers alone now.

GM, you were leading me to believe she wants to make the decisions about the post-nup arrangements. This is clearly not the case. She is expecting and "needing" you to take the lead on this. She wants to see how committed you are.

This is what I have been saying all along. She wants 100% committment. She is waiting to see if you are for real or if you still are the same liar & con you have been for the entire marriage. You can make all the difference with this choice or you can continue to create doubts in your wifes mind.

I have my appt. with the attorney for this in an hour. It should remove all doubt.

GM -- what does Steve Harley say about the polygraph? pro or con?

I think he is in favor. He did not say anything negative about it. Whatever increases trust.

FYI. We are having a tough time with the attorney re: a 100% post nup that is retroactive. Or even 100% under any conditions. She is researching it but might refuse and have to refer us to a different attorney. I will know in a few days.

I think 100 percent is not needed, may even be counter-productive to something that will stand up if challenged.

80, 85, maybe a dollar amount makes more sense to me.

It's not like 85 percent is not a sufficient deterrent.

If your attorney is experienced in this area of law, she should be able to handle the research necessary to write the post-nup as you've requested, or she will refer you to someone that can. If it's crafted properly, you'll have no problem making 100% work.

These things aren't worth the paper they're written on. Any good lawyer will tell you that.

So what happens if greenmile ends the marriage due to an A sadsosad has? He gets nothing or he ends the M cause he just wants out?

Ridiculous

If they are not worth the paper they are written on, why the hypothetical question?
But to answer your question, the post-nup can be, and usually is written to address this particular issue.


Stay the course GM! There are way too many BS's that accept crumbs and then make excuses as to why they have settled for them.

Your wife deserves what you are offering and you know this!

I can tell you from experience that it will not hold up in court. All they aim to do is act as a deterent.

And any WS who would sacrafice their financial security for the rest of their lives has rocks in their head!

Doubt that!! :crosseyedcrazy:

Actually I had a friend in a similar position W had an A he made her sign everything to him....5yrs on she left again judge ruled post nup was could not be applied as too much had changed since then! She didn't leave for an A.

But tst, I guess you knew that already eh? Is that why you signed one soooo eagerly???

<shrug> So you update them annually.

I think it would hold up in court if the WS drafting the agreement gives a recorded statement to the attorney for their records, but who knows what any given court is going to do? And yes, it is merely an extraordinary precaution and an instrument to help restore a sense of safety for SSS. Neither SSS nor I have any intention of failing at restoring our marriage and restoring love, and neither of us would let the other live in poverty no matter what the situation. Neither of our beloved grown sons would tolerate that from either of us, either. Even if I were to some day fail at this and SSS were to ever actually divorce me and get 100%, she would not actually keep it all to herself. She would provide some level of sustenance for me. If you doubt that, you don't understand how principled SSS is, and it works both ways. I could never let her go wanting, no matter what. That is why I said earlier that this post-nup has absolutely no real value to either of us except as a powerful tool for restoring her trust and her faith that I am committed, and also as a deterrent to help reinforce those that I develop for myself to safeguard my weaknesses.

So in your opinion it wouldn't hold up, neither of you would abide by it, but it is a tool to rebuild "trust"??


Are you trying to win an Irony Award?


PS; Right after D-day, I tossed WW out, got an attorney, and sat down with WW to go over finances, explaining I was going to go to court on her adultery, put her OM on the stand, and absolutley burn through every dime we had, unless I got exactly what I wanted.

Then I laid out what I wanted.

She burst into tears: "But....what do you want me to do, live in a trailer?"

and I looked over the papers again and I said, slowly...."Jeez.....sweetheart....on your income, I don't think you could afford a trailer..... what about the OM, won't he love and support you?" (OM, janitor who had dumped her that day to stay with OMW.)

So, don't take for granted how compassionate SSS would be with a second knife to the heart.

And don't assume the sympathy of your sons' either.

BTW, do they know all the affair details? If you are depending upon them for some sort of future sympathy to get you thru a second infidelity, then SSS should apprise them of every dirty detail you have revealed.

Actually, should anyway.

Do they know everything?

Apparently Vladies friend was not that bright.

You're absolutely right Mike! It's a lot like a last will and testament, you update them whenever something changes.
A post-nup really is more simple than many think......


Vladie, (aka. myfamilyilove) Everybody has a friend who knows someone who......whatever! :RollieEyes:
If my memory is correct, you're not even in the US.
And why are you even on this or any thread - it's obvious you hate marriage builders advice from your tag line.