That's right!

This is why a post-nup needs to be in place - to protect SSS from future danger!

Maybe your friend needed a better lawyer.





He signed one so eagerly because he was willing to take the actions that demonstrated to his wife that he meant what he said. Too bad more FWS aren't willing to follow up their words with the actions. I would guess your WS falls into that category??

tst went to HIS WIFE'S attorney to have this document written. Her attorney told tst that he worked for HIS WIFE and that he should seek his own separate legal counsel about protecting himself. tst told attorney his concern was to protect his wife.

The attorney informed tst and his wife that these documents must be written very carefully so that they WILL hold up in court. That attorney (who worked for tst's wife) took the time to research and write up a solid post-nup that WILL hold up in court.

BUT BECAUSE tst took such extraordinary ACTIONS, his wife can feel safe in this marriage, not because she will get all the money if he leaves, but because she knows that nothing matters to him more than she does.

GM, if you are doing a post nup for no other reason than as a MOTIVATOR to NOT have any more affairs, then don't waste SSS's time or love.

IF you are doing it because you want to DEMONSTRATE to her in a concrete way that she is more valuable to you than any possession, then do it with pleasure.

I don't believe that a post-nup is appropriate in every, single situation. BUT in GM/SSS's, it is a must IMO.

If the post-nup is written correctly, it will say that in the event *GM* is unfaithful, then he forfeits the financial and material assets. Where in the world did you come up with the notion that GM would forfeit everything if SSS were unfaithful? That makes no sense.


How do you figure GM is sacrificing his financial security? All he has to do is remain faithful. If he decides he just has to have the company of someone new, then he can do the honorable thing and end the M *before* chasing after a bit of strange tail.

I agree, SMB. That's why we are doing it.

Correct. It is not a sacrifice of anything to me. It is just the right thing to do. Actually, brutally necessary thing to do. And my financial security would not be placed in jeopardy for two reasons. 1) I will never do such a thing. and 2) I could return to practice medicine if needed. Even a part time job in a small clinic would keep me comfortable. This post-nup is really about one thing: protecting her and making sure she feels that, so that she can heal. It is not a threat to me at least in a survival sense.

The proposition at one point was that, going forward from now, SSS gets a more weighty chunk, say, 60-65 percent. In their is a second infidelity by GM, that goes up to 85-100 as debated.

I odn't think that an infidelity byy SSS was discussed, but a drop to 50-50 for that does not seem unreasonbable.

I know my WW is very concerned that I will go have a revenge affair, and it probably effects her recovery right now.

Maybe I've missed this in the past threads, but it seems to me you've been dodging the question of whether you exposed to your sons or not.

Yes. They know all about it.

Don't know what to say. I "remembered" some other things and nuked SSS once again. It is so cowardly and so cruel, and she is so devastated, there are no words. I had put a few hurtful things in some sort of box, where it was "safe" and convinced myself that I had puked it all out before, then had an emotional breakdown and ended in the hospital. But these couple of things involved very meaningful things for SSS, because they trashed things that were part of her life. Everything that everyone here warned me not to do, and that she warned me not to do, I did. Holding back these few "details" after she had been repeatedly harmed and then began to feel a little better, is the worst thing I have ever done, even worse than the infidelities.

I wanted to explain why I have not been posting the last couple of days. My sadness and humiliation are exceeded only by the pain that SSS is experiencing, and I don't know if she can recover from this last insult. I am a coward, and I deserve nothing from here on out. I would like to think that we can still recover, but I just don't know now after what I had done. I cannot think of any other important facts that I have left out, but now I am doubting my own brain and doubting my entire life. I now know that there is something terribly and basically wrong with me. Is SSS wrong to continue trying? Can psychiatric treatment help me? Is it possible for MB to work for us now? I apologize to everyone here who has tried to help us and support us.

I hear ya. If you beat her every night and verbally abused her all day long it would not be as bad as what you actually DID DO TO HER.

EEEEEUUUUUUHHHHHKKKKKK!!!!!

GM,

No one can tell you or SSS if you should stop trying. That is entirely up to you, more so SSS since she is the one that has suffered such trauma. My FWH's A wasn't decades or involved hookers so I can only imagine what must be going on in SSS's mind. However, there was trickle truth and omissions of truth and it nearly destroyed both of us. There was a time when I thought there was no way on earth to salvage our M yet here we are today in recovery.

If you are uncertain if there are any more big bombs out there, tell SSS you will continue to think back and let her know if something comes to mind that she would find important but do not intentionally hide the truth from her. Perhaps make a list of what you have already disclosed so you don't have too many things in your mind at one time. Having to recall 20+ years of lies...well I can only imagine.

Yes. Tough to remember 20 years. Most of it was a long time ago. The things I forgot were some details that were important about the recently ended long affair. I do draw a little hope, when you say "nearly destroyed". We are certainly there. The rest is up to me to evaluate my memories in terms of what details would be important to HER, not to me. If they involved things of hers, then they are critically important. I did make a list last night and went over them. Only a few little things were actually new or important. I hope to God I have remembered all such things. The trickle approach is literally killing her and our chances. With my lifelong ingrained habit of compartmentalizing and peripheralizing painful things, I could use a professional, possibly with some experience in hypnosis. Mostly, I just need to grow up face the consequences of my actions.

Are you both still counseling with Steve Harley? If so, hows that going?

Death by a thousand cuts. I'm there too.

Funny you say that about hypnosis. I'm reading her vanity wall and I see a diploma about "hypno-therapy".

I said "your name is spelled wrong". She goes, "no way" gets up and looks. "She said, people have been sitting in your chair for 20 years and nobody has ever seen that.'

Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the school. Anyway, she said she doesn't do it anymore, because all it boiled down to was helping people stop smoking.

I'd like to engage her to enhance my memory of "Mike's 10 Best Pre-Marital Sexual Moments" since I was black out drunk for most of them...

I think there are two separate phenomenon. One is remembering stuff...that sux.

The other is changing your story. This is what bothers me about my WW (who has a memory like a steel trap).

As time goes by and we talk, "2" becomes "4" becomes "8" becomes some other correction, expansion or edification, and it just sux....

****edit****

Dude, you are just running around to all the threads tonite doing driveby shootings. Have some compassion for people in pain.

Well, as bad as it has been, SSS is now referring to me as a FWH. I am honored that she has gained enough confidence to post that. Yes, it has been very bad, but I am committed, and Steve Harley was very encouraging to us on the phone today. I know I can do this. The pain of the past is immense for her, but it is in the past, and a few years of hard work by me, and we can have many good years together going forward. Interestingly, Steve Harley felt that with so much in the past, remembering details that are painful but add nothing to the total picture are probably counterproductive at the moment. I really think it is all out there now. God, I hope so. It is sooooo easy to suppress memories that are painful to convey are worse to hear. If they are not substantive, don't aid SSS in filling in her picture, and I put my safeguards in place, they are of no help right now. Anyway, we had a very good day. There will be plenty of bad ones ahead. One day at a time. SSS is a special person to deal with this and want to go on giving me an extended chance to grow up and redeem myself and compensate her for a quarter century of betrayal. Some will consider her a fool to do this, but she is no fool. It is called love, and there is no way I am going to trash that.

I agree what SH said about the details. Two decades of details might be overload for any BS.

You are very early into recovery GM. If you feel yourself slipping, please come here or call SH but do not break NC in ANY way. I don't think SSS could take it nor should she. Stay focused. It will be rough for a good while but NOTHING is worth going back to the hell the two of you have already passed through. NOTHING.

I hope I'm not busting chops but I think that is waaaay premature. You won't see a ring on my hand for a very long time.