Thank, BR. I haven't broken that and won't. That won't be a problem for me. The OW is not someone I ever want to communicate with again.

We are both ready to work through this.

No offense taken, Mike. If you knew us and the whole picture, you might be more inclined. You and I are a lot alike. I have been thinking about your situation and am pulling for you, too. I am in no position to post on your thread, but my thoughts are with you. And thank you. You have helped me here more than you know.

GM - I did a 12 step program a few years ago, and the 4th step was making a fearless and searching inventory of myself, remembering all the people I'd wronged, etc. I took several months writing it all down, taking my time, being sure to list everything.

The odd thing was, even several YEARS later, I kept remembering something else that I'd forgotten.

I think Steve has the right idea. If your intent was to make a full confession, then leave it at that. I'm sure that YOU will think of more things over the years to come. Whenever I do that, I add it to my inventory in my head.

Damn.

You are good.

Seriously, MIke. That was from the heart. Not BS, even though the way you have helped me is by calling me on BS. I know I have a LONG and steep climb ahead of me, and I know that I might not make it.

BTW, I talked to the lawyer today, and she is declining to write the 100% post nup with retroactive. She told me that she cannot in conscience do that, that she would not be representing my interests. So, back to square one. Her mailed reply and refund will include the names of two attorneys who she feels would do that, and I am waiting for the snail mail on that. Might come today.

This is exactly why we used my WIFE'S attorney. He represented HER and wrote the post-nup to protect HER interests.

Like I've said, I think the numbers have to be something like 65 percent for any reason and 85 percent of new infidelity. Even if you can get some attorney to write up the 100 percent, it would probably at the very least ATTRACT a legal challenge form futrure adultering GM, and, in all honesty, (flame me) doesn't pass the ethical test. SSS and her kids won't let GM live on nada, not once the pain passes....

I think that is what we will do. We got the names from the first attorney today, and we will call and have it be HER attorney. I think you are right about this. See my reply to Mike below.

I know you are technically more correct, but here is what Steve Harley told her: "Is he only 65% sure he will never cheat again"?

Of course I am 100% sure, and the point of this is to show that resolve. She deserves more compensation than I can give in two lifetimes. Right or wrong from a legal standpoint, I simply have to do this. I owe it to her. And again, neither she nor my sons, who still love me despite what I have done, would tolerate my being destitute.

Okay, but you are skipping over my main point. I think for the gift of her not filing tomorrow, she should get 65-70 percent going forward no matter what, even if she just decides to bag it. The larger percentage 85 or 100 percent or whatever, is if you cheat.

And if they aren't going to leave you destitute, what the heck is this 100 percent exercise for?

To 1) demonstrate right now 100% resolve and intent and 2) To put a giant blockade in any thoughts of cheating in case it is a compulsive behavior disorder that I would otherwise not have sufficient controls over at some future point, even if my own love bank were full.

I know that #2 is not the case with me, but SSS cannot afford to assume that right now. Not with my history and the shock of the revelations. #1 is crucial to help SSS heal and feel a sense of security that I will be faithful, even though 65% would accomplish financial security for her.

Mike, I have lied so well for so long that a drastic measure is needed in my case to even begin to restore any trust. It really is that simple. A total annihilation of her trust requires a drastic step in order to have any chance of restoring enough trust for us to have a marriage going forward. Without trust, there are no walls or vaults to the love bank. Deposits are not safe without trust.

Just a thought - say this agreement will stand up in court, how is sss going to prove that you cheated? What proof would a court accept? You need to be pretty clear on this.

No offence GM but if you were to cheat again, you would hardly be willing to admit it!

Well, that is a great question. Since I am retired, I am not gone for any major blocks of time during the day or night. When I am, I carry a trackstick and a GPS locator on my cellphone and/or I am with someone else who she knows and trusts. If my story does not match up with my location, then it is highly suspicious. My cell phone records are available to her at all times, since she has my account log in and password. I have to account for any call she questions. Any suspicions would trigger a private investigator, and that would yield hard evidence, as well as phone records. My financial accounts are also shared and open.

But all of that is nonsense. Here is the real answer to your question: The post-nup is RETROACTIVE. If she divorces me for any reason or none at all, she gets 100% straight up. She could do that to me the day after the agreement is signed. That is why it is so hard to find an attorney who will do this. SSS would not in a million years abuse this. If she simply got sick of me and decided to throw me out and take all of our assets, she could. This agreement is so drastic and leaves me so vulnerable, that is why the attorney would not write it up.

I have posted before, and it is true: Neither of us wants to live without the other, unless of course there is further infidelity on my part. I trust her totally. If you knew her, you would understand why there is no risk on my part with this agreement. Even if she suddenly changed her persona and values and just blindsided me out of the blue, our sons would never speak to her again. They are her reason for living. There are many reasons why this agreement is safe for me and the the right thing to do for her.

All good then! The different percentages for cheating and not cheating were throwing me a bit. 100% whatever the cause is definitely the way to go. Personally I think you're :crosseyedcrazy: but once you're both happy thats all that counts

Yep. Now all I need to do is find a lawyer who will write it up. The last one wouldn't for ethical reasons, but it cost me about $330 to find that out LOL

Then I am not sure the drastic nature of this doesn't put handcuffs on her in a way.


Do you ever read what you've written before clicking "submit"?

Our post-nup is written the same way.
I'm glad to hear you are seeking this.

What Steve Harley said about 100% committment is 100% true!

It's like Hernando Cortez buring the ships!

How convenient, no risk, for you. No risk for you. No risk for you.

High fives all around???

No risk for you.

GM, do you see what both Mike and Pepperband are saying to you?

If you don't feel there is any risk for YOU!
Then this action is kinda meaningless to YOU!

Do you get this?

What your wife needs (IMO, all BS's deserve) is heartfelt changes.

What you are demonstrating is the WRONG attitude and attaching that attitude to this action. Won't help sss or you if the heart and the action don't line up!

I think it is disingenuous to imply that your near 3 decades of immorality might be a "disorder". All while acting as a pillar in the medical community.
If you actually have a "disorder" , tell SSS to have the courts assign adult conservertorship over to your wife and sons, for the remainder of your life. You are obviously too ill to take care of your own business.

You cannot have it both ways.
Are you immoral or are you ill?