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Joined: Sep 2003
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Glad to hear that. Maybe you can offer to have a paternity test. YOU know that it is his, but people that have been betrayed have very little trust.

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psc_77 Offline OP
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I will offer that to him. I do think he knows deep down it is his child, but the reassurance cant hurt.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
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The thing is, a BS loses lots of trust for a WS, and even when the WS is telling the truth, may not believe them.

You can get a do it yourself paternity test for around $225. It is not admisable in court, but only for your own knowledge. It is just as accurate as a high priced one.

My sons and OC got one done, and it cost $1200., but it was because it was done between siblings, and their father was dead and no mothers around to take it.

I think your willingness to do one would go a long way in clearing the air.

When is baby due?

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My original due date was 3/20 but my dr is having me come in on the 17 to be induced. H wanted a St. Patty's Day baby so it is something very exciting for him.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
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Oh, why is the baby being induced?

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Not sure, my dr said thats what she wants to do. Ive had no complications except lots of swelling in my legs--im cut back to 20 hrs at work now. I feel fine otherwise.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
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Oh, stay off your feet as much as possible. And when you are sitting, put your legs up.

Have you been thinking about whether you want hubby at the delivery? We've had lots of discussion about that here.

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My dr actually asked me if I wanted him kept out of the room. I was so shocked at the question b/c it has never been a thought for me. I do want him in the room. As much as he has hurt me lately, this is his child and I want to do everything to give him an opportunity to see how much he will be missing out on by walking away.

The day the dr asked me that I had gone by my MILs house and saw H still there. He had told me he couldnt come to the appointment b/c he had work related things to do. When I saw him at her house I was furious. I went in and talked to him and told him what the dr had asked me. He was so hurt and upset and angry with me. I realize now I shouldnt have done that, but I wasnt thinking at the time. I have reassured him that I do want him with me.

The past few days have been great with him. He actually smiled at me today (hasnt done that in about 2 weeks). I think he is finally getting excited about the birth. I am feeling more relaxed around him too b/c of his change in attitude. Its nice to see some of the old H come back.

I think he is going to be a great father, but is having a mid-life crisis atm. That is no excuse for what is going on. But if that is the case, once he sees that things arent going to blow up he might come back to reality. Hopefully this isnt wishful thinking on my part. I actually have quite a few people thinking this as well.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
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Well, I am glad things are going better and I will pray that things continue to do so and that the birth of your child goes easy for you. First times can be hard.


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Hey as it was pointed out your BH is not sure he is the dad. His not anting to go to the doctor shows this.

Then their could of been a lot of worse places for you to of found him at that tme then at his mom's.

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psc_77 Offline OP
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I realize I was wrong for getting upset at him. I did apologize to him later for it. And yes finding him at his moms wasnt a bad thing.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
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So this may sound like I was trying to start something, but it honestly wasnt.

H's myspace has been a concern of mine for a while, but when I ask him about it he just says it means nothing. I have tried to ignore it, but it is very hard. I check it on a daily basis to see what "she" posts. Most things seem innocent enough.

The other day I thought I had had a breakthrough with H. He has since been not quite as much of a sour-puss around me as he has been. In fact the other day I commented about his weight loss and how good he looks. He must have liked what I said b/c he smiled at me and kinda joked. First time in about 2 weeks for him to smile at me. He hugged me and kissed me twice before he left for work--again something that hasnt happened in a while. So I thought things were becoming easier for him to be around me.

Back to myspace. I left him a comment today that was purely innocent. It was about his job and weight loss. I checked back later on to see if he had logged on to see it and the comment was gone. I got upset and called MIL. She is very upset too about his actions. She told me to re-do it and tell him that it didnt show up so I reposted it. I did this and told him about it and he seemed ok. Said he had noticed I posted something easrlier but he couldnt see it.

I just checked his site again and the comment is gone...again. I dont know what to think about it. I have a feeling he is not telling "her" the whole story about us and is painting me as either a b**** or that im out of the picture all together.

He said he was going to come over tomorrow to help me clean the house and get it ready for the baby. He also said maybe we could watch a movie together. I am trying hard to not let my anger and hurting get the best of me. I want to ask him about the comment, but I dont want him to think I am trying to start anything. I am treading lightly when it comes to anything that he might take as a confrontation.

With just over a week left til the baby comes I need some help here at the house. I feel like telling him to stay away, but I know I need him to help me. I dont want to ruin a good day with him by asking about the comment but at the same time it will eat away at me. I hate feeling like this.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
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PSC

What difference does it make WHY he deleted your comment? He did it becuase it either bothered him or he thought it would bother her. Doesn't matter, it's just more drama and heartache for you to think about. Try to concentrate on what you need and see if you can get that. Detach yourself from the other stuff. It's there but you've got to keep it together for the baby's sake.

Remember this is an A. Your WH is going to do stupid, hurtful things...it's par for the course. You can't control him. So don't LB.


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I have done some thinking and im not going to mention it. I know its going to cause problems and I want things to be as non-problematic as possible.

H did say he would come by today and help me clean up and maybe watch a movie with me. Im going to think more towards this than the stupid things he is doing.

I am trying to not show him how hurt things make me feel. It is very hard sometimes, but I am doing my best. I havent LB'd him lately and his attitude is changing when he is around me. Its a start.

MicheleG, thanks for the honest comment. I was very upset when I posted and your honesty makes me realize I need to quit.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
Joined: Sep 2003
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I agree. Put all of this on the back burner, get the house cleaned up and prepare for your little one. You really need to just concentrate on YOU.

I know this is stressful for you. So time to do some self-care. Stay in Plan A for a bit, and stay off his myspace. All that is doing is upsetting you. Just assume that he IS having an affair, and get through the next 2 weeks.

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Take advantage of the fact that he is coming over to help you with the house. Think of his emotional needs and work on meeting any of them that you think he will let you meet. I hope that you are able to relax and enjoy giving him whatever you can related to his emotional needs. What would make you feel good about meeting his emotional needs? If you can think about that ahead of time, maybe it can stay positive for both of you.

The two of you are having a baby together. Take this opportunity to stay positive about him, your baby and you.

Do stay off your feet as much as you can to keep that swelling down. Drink lots of water too!


Lake
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H had EA 3 weeks 06
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LoL Lake, im drinking so much water I feel like im going to float away. My dr. isnt concerned about preclampsia thank goodness, but it is still a concern.

As far as today goes, im going to have something ready to cook for him when he gets here. He also said something about maybe watching a movie together. We definately need to get the house in order for the baby.

I dont remember if I mentioned this in a previous post, but H said something a week ago that kinda sums up his feelings. He said he doesnt think that between keeping the house clean and taking care of the baby that I will have any time left over for him. He thinks I am going to be so preoccupied that he will be an afterthought. I know I will have alot more things to do, but I cant imagine just ignoring him completely and letting him be an afterthought.

Is this a normal thought for guys to feel? I know I am going to do everything I can to spend time with him, if he is willing. I think he will be amazed at what I am going to be capable of doing. Having a child is putting a different perspective on priorities for me. I am going to be doing less for me and more for the baby and H. I will admit that im not the best housekeeper. And thinking now, he never pushed for me to be but that might be one of his ENs. I am opening my eyes to more things about him than I have before and trying to show him he is one of the most important people in my life.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
Joined: Sep 2003
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Homemaking is an EN of many men, whether they say so or not. How big is your house?

What I do is called a minimum maintenance program. I spend 5 minutes in each room of my home, everyday, cleaning. I have 9 rooms in my home, so it takes me 45 minutes everyday. But you would be surprised how easy it is to keep everything up if you do it every day.

Cooking is another thing to do. If you don't like to cook, get a crock pot.

Your home needs to be warm and welcoming - get rid of clutter, organize and keep it picked up.

You probably WILL have less time after baby arrives, because you will be up several times a night for several months. But that goes fast.

Men's top EN's are usually sex, admiration, recreational companionship. Study up on the EN's and see if you can figure his out.

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I know his top ENs are SF, Admiration and O&H. RC isnt something he pushes. He does alot of things with his friends that he says I wouldnt enjoy doing. I do enjoy being with him though and always tell him that I would like to go with. Unfortunately it seems like since ive become pregnant the things he likes to do arent pregnant friendly activities. As I am seeing now, the housekeeping is his 5th main EN.

I am opening myself to more ideas about him and what he wants, and ive been good about not bringing up "us". He stated he wanted to be friends with me for the baby so that is my first goal--make the house as friendly as possible so he wont feel like he doesnt belong.

As for my house, its only 1k sq ft. Very small, but average for our neighborhood. The bad thing is that neither of us are neat freaks. My house isnt dirty but its cluttered. That is what we are trying to get rid of before the baby comes. I have already made a start and he seemed to be happy about that. I am going to keep on going as long as my legs let me.


Me: FWW 35
H: BS 33
Married 2002
DD: 3 yr old
D-day: 4/10/08
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Good job! I wouldn't kill myself cleaning, but just step it up a bit. The best thing is to get rid of clutter. I've been working on that, and it feels so much better to have everything looking spiffy.

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