I have tried to make this marriage work for the past 4 months. I went through he77 ending her affair with her college punk boyfriend. I worked Plan A to the best of my ability. I even thought she was doing her best to make this marriage work. But, I kept struggling with putting her affair in the past. It gnawed at me daily, that something still wasn’t quiet right. Now I know what wasn’t right and can say with authority that this marriage is OVER!

Last weekend, I went to the basement to get something out of the closet in our guest bedroom. As I closed the closet, I noticed something under the bed and when I looked closer I found that it was a pair of my wife’s underwear. That seemed a little suspicious since no one is ever in that room and we haven’t had guests in there since Christmas. For some reason, something told me to check the sheets and when I did they were soiled, if you know what I mean. I was literally sick at the thought of her bringing some sleaze into our home and doing this.

My imagination went wild, but I calmed myself down before she got home. I didn’t know for a fact that the sheets had been changed since the room was last used at Christmas, but I felt sure that they had. So, I attached a voice activated recorder to the back of the headboard. I checked it everyday but found nothing until Friday.

She picked up the kids from school and headed to meet her parent’s at their lake house for spring break. When I got home that evening, I checked the recorder again and BINGO! It’s probably good that she isn’t coming home until Thursday so that I don’t do something stupid. Listening to her and what appears to be some guy from the gym she’s working at on that tape brought back all the images from discovery in November. I just want to know why! What possesses a woman who has been faithful our entire marriage to get into 2 affairs in less than a year

I called my lawyer, who is a good friend also, on Saturday and he is working on the paperwork today to file for D on the grounds of infidelity. I still have the proof from her affair with college boy and now I have the recording from last week. I guess what I’m looking for here is acknowledgement that I’m doing the right thing.

This almost killed me the first time and I don’t think I can ever trust her again. I have spent the weekend packing all of her stuff up and stacking it in the garage. What I really wanted to do was burn all of her crap in a bonfire, but my lawyer didn’t think that was such a good idea. I hate being back here, but I don’t know where else to turn. I have hesitated to post again because frankly it’s embarrassing to be made a fool of twice in the matter of a few months.

Any advice on how to get through this so that my kids aren’t sucked into the destruction?

Sorry to hear this. I followed your other thread and it seemed like things were progressing.

I don't have much advice on the kids. It'll be hard on them but you can't keep living with a serial cheater.

"I guess what I’m looking for here is acknowledgement that I’m doing the right thing."

You don't need approval to continue to try and save this marriage or end it. Do what you want.

I remember you, WW working at the college, and college boy. I don't remember if you did a full exposure. Did you?

Did WW actually give up her college job?

What was the last you heard about OM 1?

Wow, this is almost too shocking to be true.

The only thing that I can say is that she obviously isn't interested in your or your marriage.

Two times in such a short timeframe would be one time too many for me. Heck, two times in ANY timeframe is too much.

Sorry to say that this would be a dealbreaker.

Oh MG, I am so sorry to hear this...

As part of the divorce filing, are you seeking emergency custody as well? Can you manage to take care of the kids to give them some sort of stability since it appears they will have none with her?

I would wait till she is about to arrive home and then let her folks know what you have found. This is not to expose in the sense of fighting again for the marriage but merely to let them know why you are tossing her butt into the street.

Save a copy of the fle from the DAR someplace safe like on a CD, a thumb drive or an off site storage facility. Never trust a single copy of anything digital...

Hang tuff, MG...

Mark

Sorry to hear the latest round. Good job on snooping and understanding your gut feeling.

You are no fool - your wife is broken. She made the choice to sacrifice her marraige and family. You have nothing to be ashamed about -

Good grief - having a recording must have been awful. Its bad enough to have the mind movies of someone being with my wife but I didnt have to witness nor listen.

Sorry about the bad update MG.

I believe you are making the right decisions.

Time to just take care of yourself and your children.

WW needs some serious professional help. You can't fix what's broken in her.

Are you going to expose again after Thursday? If this is a client at the gym she will likely lose her job there too.

The only thing worse is actually having to see it, which has happened to a few folks around here.....

My DH had two affairs within a short period of time. He didn't however, lead me on to think that things were "just fine" and then bring someone into the marital HOME. That WOULD have been a deal breaker for me.

This is a horrible thing for her to do to you. It's not only a second betrayal but a double betrayal for screwing another man in YOUR HOME. Then pretending like everything was okay.

I don't think anyone would blame you for bailing. So sorry this happened to you... I was one of the ones that believed she was truly broken and sorry. Looks like she was just ashamed that she got caught the first time.

MG:

I'm SO SORRY to have to hear this....

I thought that you were going to be a success story.

What this proves is that RAH-RAH Boy wasn't the first.

He just happens to be the one she was caught with first.

Its one thing to boink a "new" OM at a hotel or car, its quite another to bring them to the house.

That establishes a fact pattern of behavior that may have existed for years in your marriage.

You can divorce her, or work it out. Both are choices. But it seems that all the RIGHT things happened after DDAy to get to a better marriage. They didn't. The kids will be hurt. Either way. She made that choice, now you make yours.

Divorce seems the appropriate route. You can file for Divorce and then control the speed of the case, IF she seems to be doing the right things.

Once almost killed you, but I don't think that Mrs MG has had "just" 2 AP's in the past year. There is so much more you don't know. RAH-RAH was just the one she got caught with.

Sorry, MG. I really, really feel for you.

LG

This is sickening and I am so very sorry you are going through this...one discovery is too much for many people; two discoveries and I don't blame you one bit.

MG,

So sorry to hear this horrible update. If it were not for the first betrayal you probably would never even thought of the recorder to snoop.

IMMEDIATELY GET TESTED FOR STD'S AND HIV. And follow up again in six months for another HIV screening.

Your wife is a serial cheater and even Dr H. doesn't think its possible to save a M from a serial cheat.

So sad. Protect those kids of yours.

All Blessings,
Jerry

MG,

I am also sorry to hear of this. YOu asked for advice about keeping the children from being sucked into this. I don't think you can avoid it. However, I do think you can minimize the damage by going to see a child counselor NOW, and then setting up appointments for your children later.

I think HOW you decide to handle things will make some difference in the level of damage to the kids. I don't mean should you try to save the marriage, I mean if you have decided to end it, and I can certainly see how you could make that decision. How you end it is the key. A lot of trauma and drama is probably not good, but not all of it can be avoided.

Seek out a counselor for some advice about how to accomplish what you want and then sit down with your lawyer to fine tune the plan.

You were not a fool. You are married to a woman that at this time has no moral compass. You cannot fix her. YOu never could. She will have to fix herself hopefully she will seek counseling for her issues as well.

I would definitely expose to her family and yours. Your children will need a lot of support and good support will not occur unless the family members know the story, if not all of the little details.

Again, I am sure you are back and it turned out like this.

God Bless,

JL

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry you are hurt like this again. I can't even imagine the horror of it. It appears you are getting the best support and advice here.

I have no words of wisdom, but admire your ability to keep calm and take care of yourself and your children. How old are your children? Do they know what happened last time?

MG,

My heart goes out to you brother!!

The second betrayal, knowing the effect of the first on you, shows her disregard for you, the kids, and HER FRIGGIN LIFE AND UNIVERSE AS SHE KNOWS IT!

No quandary here...BIG DEAL BREAKER!!

So much I want to write here, but I am speechless.

Again, our thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.

Stay strong and God Bless you.

kirk

Go you for working so quickly....I am sure she will get the shock of her life when she returns.

Are you going to re-expose her so her family knows it's because of a new affair and not you unable to accept her previous one....which she will try to spin....since your unstable and kicked her out of the house.

You are not a fool. You may have too big of a heart...

IMO, the first thing I would do is move heaven and earth to make sure your kids don't get to live with her!

Then kick her butt out on the street.

She can always hit rock bottom and work hard to EARN the right back into the family. But you know that will never happen without you taking strong action.

I'm so sorry!

MG,

ONe additional thought. If you still have the "soiled" sheets, keep them in a bag, or better yet get them tested. The voice recording might be misinterpretted. "soiled sheets" with his DNA on them and hers coupled with identification what soiled the sheets would pretty much put the nail in this one.

God Bless,

JL

Good catch JL!

Put them in a NEW baggy NOW! Pillow cases too!

No matter what cards she plays, you have the trump card...

Do NOT play this card till you need it.

Do NOT let her know you have it!

Mark

If I were you I would safety deposit box that stuff...along with any valubles you don't want her taking should she come into the house.