Why don't you and Spartan visit a lawyer. Draw up an agreement that gives him everything if you contact OM or have another affair. That would be the first step.

Have him name the time and place.

Why don't you arrange it. Shouldn't you be doing the work here???

Oh my...Where are my boots? It's getting messy in here.

Ahhhh. Still angry at MB people for what they are posting and still has the swagger. I don't see anything that says "former" WW.

Was there ever a period of NC? If so, what date did you/he start contact again?

Tick tock tick tock...it wasn't a trivia question.

Her BS (not the slang) said in his first post that it went all the way back to February of this year. (what he's been told?) So that means, it probably really never ended.

He still loves her but he's hurt right now. BAD.

He may quickly move to Plan FU once the anger kicks in.

No. You do it Sparkly. Tell him you want to do it for HIS safety.

I realize the calls were in Feb and MS started posting in Feb but was curious if there was ever a single day of NC. I guess I have my answer.

Over and out.

She will neither deny or affirm this..but my bet is that she has had more than a couple physical encounters with OM since she's visited this board. All of us are not perfect, but we do realize how much pain infidelity causes a spouse.
MUTED..you knew how much pain it would cause yet you pushed it off for your own selfish gratification.
Spartan is a far better man than me, you couldn't do enough bounces to the curb fast enough if it were me.
NOW you want help. It's going to take your life's blood to convince anyone of that here.WE really don't count though..That's left up to your tortured Husband..Spartan..God bless him

Ditto, write up a post-nuptial today. Confess your affair, have the confession notarized. Have his lawyer draft a petition to divorce and hold it, should you prove unfaithful again. Have your lawyer draft that you agree with the facts and terms of the divorce commitment and have each lawyer keep the documents on file should they be needed.

Create a post nuptial that indicates that any contact with OM or other inappropriate contact with any another man is grounds for immediate dissolution of marriage under agreed upon terms.

He gets everything, all marital assets and children, and you can pack one bag of personal items and have to find your own place to live while awaiting final dissolution of the marriage.

Demonstrate you are committed to the marriage by pre-arranging the terms of your divorce should your commitment once again demonstrate it is lacking.

Have two lawyers work on this post-nuptial, one that represents you, one for him, and make it an air-tight legal agreement.

If you do that, I'd advise him to consider a plan to reconcile.

I guarantee she won't follow through with the post nuptial agreement or agree to a poly. She is walking the same line as Coho Salmon.

MS,

A whole bunch of questions are being fired at you right now and I have no doubt that you have few answers for most of them. But try to consider each and every question and if the question makes you uncomfortable, angry or fearful. try to figure out what the reason for that might be. I think you will find that the hardest questions to deal with are those that hit closest to home. The relentless pace will slow a bit eventually, but you really need to try to answer everyone once you can find a way to answer.

I have begun to see this as something different than I once did. It is no longer about saving your marriage, though I believe it could still happen but only by a divine miracle of God at this point. What I now would consider the mission of this thread to be is to save Sparky from herself.

Understand this; nothing will be accomplished toward saving your marriage or yourself by being defensive in any way shape or form at this point. Trying to pass the blame for anything including the economic downturn off to anyone else is just not going to fly right now. You are in no position to question anyone's motives, actions or words and suggestions at this time. The moral and ethical high ground was lost long ago and you are now going to have to fight simply to be.

As I go back and reread this thread I see Pep, Mrs W, TST, SMB, FF, LG and a whole host of others telling you to write a NC letter and ensure that the door to OM is closed for certain. I see you changing the subject to how something Spartan did or said made you feel hurt or sad or mistreated in some way every single time the subject came up. (He won't let you hang with your girlfriends. You are going to miss the gym so much. Etc)

You have thrown about your relationship with Christ and your desire to follow Him as something you are proud of but have you considered about whether or not He is proud of you? If you really are a believer in Christ and ever did follow Him, the Holy Spirit is supposed to live inside you. How can you reconcile that fact with your actions. What did your choices and actions do the heart of God?

You see, a non-Christian can sin and not even consider what the consequences might be. Someone who does not know the grace of God can follow his/her own selfish desires and not have to ignore the pleadings and direct confrontation by the Holy Spirit of God. But for a believer to sin requires knowingly ignoring those things and doing it over and over and over again. It requires hardening your heart until you can sleep at night and so that your brain doesn't explode with guilt since a believer knows that every selfish act is another nail added to Christ's suffering for our sins.

Psalm 139 tells us that we can never get away from God, that even when we think that darkness can close around us and hide us from Him we find that darkness and light are all the same to Him. He sees into the dark and deceitful places deep inside us as clearly as He sees the sun that He makes to rise or the Son that He sent to die for us.

So please end this now. Either end the affair once and for all or end the charade and go try your luck with OM that you already know has no respect for marriage or marriage vows.

No more sunshine.
No more smoke screens.
No more lies.

Mark

I agree with mark, The whole time you professing faith in God, you were lying to your husband. Right now you are omitting answering everyone's questions. Failing to deny the continuation of the physical affair is tantamount to admitting it. You may get hit with some 2x4s but in the end, the people on this site will at least respect you answering the hard questions. So please consider answering truthfully and completely. There are a lot of people here who have committed time and effort to both listen and advise. A lot of them are feeling like fools for believing you. I have not posted before, so I can understand being unwilling to share on my request. But there are those who have obviously been praying for you. In the bible it says "we are to confess our sins, one to another" If forgiveness and strength is what you seek. Shouldn't the ones weeping and praying for you be leveled with in accord with their commitment to you and Spartans reconciliation?

MUCH EARLIER ON THIS THREAD YOU & I EXCHANGED WORDS:



My advice has not changed. Still waiting for MS to do the right thing.

At least we're both consistent

This is what I have been encouraging her to do offline.

It provides loads and loads of protection for Spartan and the children if she does backslide. Further, it holds MS ACCOUNTABLE for her future actions - which is something that she has had mondo trouble with.



Me too.

Think on it this way, MS. IF you are entirely truthful about your seriousness for wanting your marriage and family, Spartan will never have to use that safety net and it reverts to "just a piece of paper."

Nothing should be attempted, until the truth has been admitted to Spartan. Think for a moment. "OK we'll do the post nup. But I won't admit to anything more then phone contact. So I will go into this attempt at reconciliation with a lie." That is a great way to start things over. Think about it. "How did you work out your reconciliation? "Well my wife continued to lie me. And then we threatened her with losing everything, with a post nup. Other then that, we have a great marriage built on a solid foundation."

Good point, Ouch.

Why would Spartan want to sign up for more of this?

How many affairs are too many?

How many lies are too many?

She has probably been doing the OM the entire time she has been posting here.

This isn't a "typical WS". This one is callous and seems to have no conscience.

Do you really think she is going to come completely clean with Spartan. ? Really?

It appears than some of you know this person off line. Don't you feel a little . . . well . . . mislead?