And the whole time she is grieving the holy spirit by lying to spartan and using the lord and her faith to continue the affair.

Sparky,

Just put on your helmet and take the bashing like a big girl. You really need to address all of these issues that are being raised, not to defend against them but to address them in a way that gets you to a point that you see in yourself what all of these comments and questions are pointing to.

I really don't think you can fix your marriage any more, though at some point Spartan may be willing to try to start over with you, but I wouldn't even hold my breath on that. If you really ever loved him and want any chance at all to have him in your life and have an intact family you need to face up to your weaknesses and your actions and the consequences of those actions and fix SPARKY first and before anything else can be worked on at all.

Folks are going to be disrespectful toward you until you earn their respect and you can only do that by being an honest and upright person. In order to get through this with anything at all left, and I mean ANYTHING of value, you are going to have to endure whatever comes your way. It's gonna hurt a lot and you're going to get knocked down but to come out of this as anything other than a total loser you will have to pick yourself up each and every time, pull the strap on your helmet tighter and go back into the fray.

Your life has become such a mess that the problems you created cannot go away by ignoring them. Even just walking away from Spartan and your kids and trying to start over alone, with OM or some other OM will not make your problems go away. That is because your trouble is carried with you wherever you go. Your problem is inside of you, Sparky and it is the result of your choices. You picked this course of events for yourself and now find yourself being pursued by your own bad choices.

Even if you try to hide from this and just run away it will find you again. You know God has been after you and yet you have kept running away and trying to hide. He has let you have your way to show you what your way leads to and what it has brought you to is a total mess, a train wreck of unimaginable proportions. But He isn't going to just let you keep running things the way you have and will send additional consequences into your life for failing to become a woman of integrity when He has been prompting you all along.

Your only hope at this point is mercy. You haven't just dug a hole but have jumped headlong into a bottomless pit. You are falling farther every second you refuse to do what you know needs to be done by you. Acceleration is a constant and you will fall faster the longer you fall and every second brings you closer to an infinite fall rate. But you will eventually find that the bottomless pit does in fact have a bottom and when you reach it you will be falling so fast that the result of finding it will be something so dreadful you can't even imagine it right now.

You have to understand this Sparky. Your very LIFE is in danger right now unless you stop the fall you are in. Only doing what is right can stop your fall and only mercy from God, from Spartan and from others you have terrorized by your actions can stop you. The first step to receiving that mercy is going to have to be repentance and repentance can only happen if you admit to what you have done and are doing. You can never be forgiven for what you can't admit you have done.

The path you have been on has led you to this point. "How's that workin' for ya?"

Want to know how much Spartan loves you? Men have killed over much less. Want to know how much God loves you? He died in your place. Want to know why people are so angry? Because they cared about what happened to you all along.

You're just like that guy who slept in the gutter last night because he lost everything by following his pursuit of booze and drugs, Sparky. You just haven't lost it all yet. But unless you face what you have done and work really really super hard to right your life, you will lose it just as assuredly as that man will wake up in the gutter again today with nothing left but the booze and drugs he has to sell his soul to get.

Wake up Sparky. Get on your feet, take the beating that you know will come and let's try to save your life from the destruction that awaits. Some will only bash you and some will be willing to help. But you'll have to endure the one in order to get the other because your actions so far are well beyond defensible. Know that people are still even here rambling like this because they care what happens to you and your husband you have almost utterly destroyed and the children you are damaging every time you refuse to make a choice to do the right thing.

Can you do the right thing, Sparky?

Are you game?

Mark

MS
I have been a big supporter of you. I, like everyone else, had my doubts about your sincerity. In my heart I knew that you were not being truthful.

I am not judging you, I just want to make a point and hopefully you will let these words sink in. You know my story: Had a beautiful family and life was good. For whatever reason, my wife engaged in an affair, left home and has destroyed our family. I suffered through all the pain, hurt, feelings of worthlessness, etc. Exactly all the same things Spartan is and has been expierencing.

Today, I am less than 3 weeks away from DIVORCE. My WAW has finally admitted that she is sorry for what she has done....bla bla bla. This is a Marriage Builders forum, I have read, studied, been consumed with all the material here in the hopes that she will "come home".

It is because of actions by you and others that I decided that I deserve much better from life. Some may say I'm weak, but me and MY GOD know that I could not live with the lies that would surely continue. You see, once trust is broken, it cannot be restored UNLESS you repent TRUTHFULLY AND HONESTLY BEFORE GOD AND YOUR HUSBAND. I gave my WAW many opportunities to do just that, she ignored my pleas, therefore she is soon to be MY EX WIFE. Know what? I AM AT PEACE!!

[b]Please MS, CUT THE WAYWARD CRAP AND DO THE RIGHT THING. THE JUDGEMENT YOU ARE RECEIVING HERE PALES IN COMPARISION TO THE JUDGEMENT YOU WILL RECEIVE...BY GOD.[/b]

I am STILL praying for you and Spartan.

Rob

MS

To add one thing to the previous thread. Do you know what make the bible different from all other holy books. The people in it are not perfect. They are shown with all their warts and imperfections. Lets see what kind of company your in.

Adam-disobeyed God

Cain-murdered his brother

Noah-was given to drink

Abraham-was a coward and let Pharaoh take his wife.

Issac- Played favorites with his sons.

Jacob- Was a liar, and a very devious person. His very name meant "heal catcher". Or someone who sought to trip someone up.

Moses-Was a murderer, arrogant, and misrepresented God (which cost him going into the Holy Land)

Samson-was a whore monger

Saul-was arrogant and sacrificed to the lord. Then he disobeyed God. Tried to murder David many times. And murdered many priests of God.

David- was a liar, an adulterer, a murderer, probably the worst father in the bible. And yet God called him a man after his own heart. Why? Because he would turn from his wrong, confess and live with the consequences of his actions.

Hosea's (Spartan) wife (Muted sparkle). Was a loose woman, who slept with everyone. Hosea, had to go and find her multiple time. Bring her home, bathe her, and cleaned her up, then restored her as his wife.

lETS LOOK AT SOME OF THE WOMEN IN THE OLD TESTEMENT

Tamar- was a whore.
Rahab- was a whore.
Bathsheba- was an adulteress.

Do you know what they all had in common. All of them are direct ancestors of Jesus Christ. Yep. Christ had earthly ancestors who were whores and adulterers.

And this is just the old testament. Do you see what I am getting at. Everyone save Jesus Christ was a sinner. The difference is. What do you do with that sin. So far you have covered it up, and said and done anything to keep living your life in sin. The difference between you and so many of these people in the bible, is they REPENTED.

So..... What do you do now?

She's pulling the silent/disappearing act. Same as Coho.

Where's that barfy icon?

Please wait, Our House. I just signed on, and have been reading through my thread.

I am making a reply now.

How is Spartan doing?

First and foremost.....I want to thank all of you for your pointed questions, 2x4's and even the posts that brought me to painful tears. I needed to be broken and I think all of you knew that.

Spartan and I talked quite a bit last night. He never has fully read through my thread, but when he saw the lie of the NC date, he posted and called me out on it because he, "wanted me to get the help that I needed". Smart man! He did tell me that he may or may not post much simply because it isn't his thing. Not because he doesn't feel that the forum isn't helpful.

After I picked up the kids, the senior Pastor for Calvary Church was talking to one of the childcare directors and I burst into tears just making eye contact with him. I spent about 15 minutes in his office confessing EVERYTHING. He gave me two of his cards, a book called, "A Fruitful Marriage" that he wrote and also prayed with me. He said that God is in the business of restoration and encouraged us to seek Godly counsel, whether it was with him, his associate pastors or our current pastor.

After I got home, I went in the bedroom and Spartan was in his work clothes watching TV on the bed. I totally fell apart and he asked me to close the door so we could talk. I poured out my heart to him and told him how utterly sorry I was for lying and deceiving him. He asked me all of the same questions that all of you have and more. I answered all of them honestly.

There was only a month of NC held throughout the month of Jan. and then he initiated contact again with me through e-mail in Feb. Yes, I was physically involved and told Spartan when the last time was. Spartan asked me very specific questions about other things (which I will not share here) and I answered them with complete, unwavering honesty. He said that he knew all along and asked me what was going to change now?

I told him that I never, ever had put in place ANY boundaries to protect our marriage. As of this week, I have made radical, documentable changes.

Cell number has been changed (we don't have a house phone.
E-mail blocked.

LAN line at work in process with IT for being blocked.

Password for my Yahoo e-mail account given without being asked.

Password for the a Christian band's street team MySpace page that I manage given without being asked.

My cell voice mail password given without being asked.

Anything and everything that OM ever gave me has been tossed.

NC letter written and am waiting on his approval so he can send it in any matter he wants.

Physical description of OM, his address, what all of his cars are and what he does for a living has been disclosed to Spartan.

Got approval from my supervisor to remove my cell number on my work e-mail signature.

Offered a postnup that if I ever step outside of the marriage again, he gets all physical assets and the children without question.

Offered to have him install GPS on the car, a voice recorder, key loggers on the computers or any other means of verifiable tracking that he deems necessary.

I am also open to a polygraph now that I've confessed to everything. I didn't answer that question yesterday because I still had things to hide. I'm ready, now.

I always saw the OM at lunch, so now I take a female coworker with me everywhere I go. I also have a female coworker to go rollerblading with me at lunch when I'm not going out to eat.

If he feels that I can do more, I am willingly ready to comply.

Spartan said that I still have a lot of work to do and what he doesn't know how I'll be able to deal with it. I COMPLETELY agree, but I know that with radical honesty and God on my side, I will be able to save myself and our marriage.

I don't have anything to prove here and am no longer looking for approval or recognition. Just the help that I need.

We have a phone consultation with Jennifer on Monday at 6:00PST. I have forwarded the confirmation to Dealan-de. As a side note: Dealan-de, please shred the credit card number on the initial e-mail I sent you. Spartan wasn't too pleased with me when he found out I didn't edit the numbers out.

I will be going to Barnes & Noble today to get some self help books on pathological lying and will also counsel on an individual basis with our marrige counselor about this.

I begged God's forgiveness for all of the destruction that I've done to everyone around me and also to myself. Change is happening.

Again, thank you for all of your posts to me. You folks are real.

Fantastic post- Thank God for His Grace!

While I like what I read, I'm understandably skeptical.

You can choose to take offense, or accept that folks will be skeptical given prior experience.

So before anyone gets too excited or too upset, perhaps we should wait until spartan confirms that the actions match these words.

I sincerely hope MS, that your actions are now 110% in line with these words.

I agree EE. Actions speak louder than words. And her seemingly total acceptance of "i can't be trusted alone"--I don't know. It smells funky to me.

ETA: If it were me, I wouldn't WANT to be married to someone who couldn't be trusted alone. But I understand that's Spartan's decision.

MS...

Does OM know about your thread here at MB? Has he read here?

Mrs. W

There is one MB member here who has spoken to him at length before. I will have Spartan talk to her.

I have someone with me so that should Spartan question where I am, I have a second voice to guarantee my whereabouts. I don't have to do this, but I am doing it as an extraordinary precaution to prove my honesty.

I also have the option to stay in and sit at my desk to eat, but I like to get away from here.

I don't know what ETA stands for. In my line of work, it stands for "estimated time of arrival".

I'd like to know if OM has been here too?

No, not at all.

I will say that I think this is a bad plan...If I'm not mistaken this female is a rather new FWW herself (L4?)...It is a bad idea to have Spartan having private phone conversations with another female...It is bad for Spartan, who is vulnerable right now, and it is bad for the new FWW...How would her husband feel about that?

Mrs. W

GREAT PICK UP

Me mucho impressed Mrs W

Phew...Thank you for answering...

Mrs. W

ETA, Edited To Add.