I'll talk to him tonight about working something in at lunch. I do want to cut the lunch hour down to 30 mins though so that I can get home earlier. That way, I can get dinner started. He's a very creative, wonderful cook but I'd like to give him some time to relax by taking that over. I'm not as good, but it will be edible!

The kids aren't involved in any sports or extra curricular activities, so getting the time together should be easy. We go to church from 10:00 to 11:30 (30 mins of worship) and the kids are in children's church for an hour so that's easy.

Albertson's has a machine for movies for $1! I'd like to start taking advantage of that for movie night together.

How about taking a 30-minute lunch and coming home early 2 times a week, and meeting half-way 2 times a week?

I will offer this to him.

He doesn't take a lunch most of the time, but when he does it is with other coworkers. Today, I don't know what he is doing.

We need to work on a POJA together.

Money poorly spent.

Who cares where you are if you haven't stopped lying?

You BOTH need to know where the other is at all times. You should be in the loop on his calendar as much as he is on yours.

That's how a healthy, intimate marriage works.

Keep that in mind when you fill out the calendar for UA. Schedule in what each of you plans to do for lunches that week. If one of you changes your plans on a given day, you contact the other. "Hey, honey, I just wanted you to know I'm doing _________ for lunch."

That's being CONSIDERATE and THOUGHTFUL and it connects your lives together throughout the day. It also eliminates IB (doing things or making decisions without consideration for your spouse).

tst calls me several times a day and says any of the following...

I'm just checking in to see how your day is going.

I just wanted to hear your voice.

I missed you and wanted to say I love you.

I'm sitting here at my desk thinking about you and wanted you to know that.

And anytime tst or I do something that the other doesn't know about, we call. For example, if I decided to return library books today or run to the post office, I would call him on the way and say, "Hey, just headed to the library and wanted to see how your day is going." or something like that.

Being connected throughout the day is very important to recovery.

It's not a punishment...I had an A, so I have to check in all the time.

It's care...I want you involved in whatever I do, so I'm going to be sure you know what I'm doing.

Keeping each other in the loop.

I wholeheartedly believe this and I want our marriage to be a mirror image of this.

Being the WW, I don't feel that I have much room to ask him to do these things for me. I haven't asked for EP's or anything until we go to counseling. Jennifer cautioned us about keeping an eye on each other and calling each other out for things that we're NOT doing. I'm concentrating on everything that I can do for him right now.

Whatever this takes is what I will do.

Yup. Me and DH do this too.

I agree that it's best right now if you don't ask much of him right now. The heavy lifting is on you right now.

I just wanted to make the point that the GOAL is for you both to become integrated into each other's lives. Neither one of you can compartmentalize your lives if you hope to have that narrow path marriage one day.

Just keep lunches in mind when you do your weekly calendar. If you start scheduling meeting sometimes for lunches, then that will lead into you both putting your lunches on the schedule for the other to be aware of. It's transparency.

You work your end, making sure that Spartan always knows where you are. If you run the kids up the road for ice cream during the summer, call him on your way. If you make a short, unexpected trip to the grocery, call and ask if he needs anything from there.

It becomes a lifestyle where you connect throughout the day.

If you consistently do this, he'll probably start doing it on his own eventually. And Jennifer can help you both in this area. You just have to let her know how things are progressing in regards to IBs.

Exactly. I've every EP that I listed has been followed to a T since last week. All receipts are up on the board, any errand (even gas on the way home) is done with his full knowledge by either a phone call or a text.

My IB's and LB's are a lot to work on and I don't need to worry about his, too. I've stayed very humble and only turn towards him with a warm spirit.

Another day...
Another chance to do the right thing again...

One day at a time...
One decision at a time...

Mark

That's my path. Thank you, Mark.

I have Eph 4:30 taped to my computer screen.

Add James 1:13-15 to that.

And maybe Micah 6:8.

Mark

MS,
I was a little rough on you the other day. I wanted you to think and then act. I'm not sorry for the beating you took because I knew that ONCE you came clean that you would reach deep inside and do the right thing. I am very proud of where you are at today.

It is going to be rough and at times it will drive you crazy. I can only pray that the Scriptures that Mark and others are giving you will be taken to heart by you.

For me, anytime I felt my mind was being challenged by Satan, I said Scriptures, sang hymns, and PRAYED.

LISTEN to me.....you MUST continually seek God. He is right there with you....every step of the way!!

Still praying for your's and Spartan's complete recovery.

Awww....it's ok, Kickme. I NEEDED every single one of those posts in order to face what I was doing to not only Spartan and the boys but also to myself. I really am grateful to everyone for that because I never would be where I am right now.

Spartan and I have a new situation that is drawing us closer together. I got a phone call from the doctor yesterday and she wants to see me about some test results. I will be going tomorrow with Spartan at my side and will post more later after we find out what's going on.

We both talked to the Wonderings last night (me with the Mrs and Spartan with Mr) and I would like to thank both of you for the encouragement and support. I know we'll pull through this.

Awww, so true kickme, and that reminds me of a needlepoint pillow that my mom has that says: "Wise Men Still Seek Him"...Now I'm all homesick!


You're very welcome!

Something that I want to caution you about, and I want to be sensitive, yet still convey the message...Your tendency has been to have a very selfish agenda, along with a flair for drama...Sooooo....You must remember that no matter what news you receive from the doctor that your marital recovery is NOT put on the backburner...That Spartan's feelings aren't shoved aside in favor of your health crisis...A delicate balancing act for sure...Just be aware...

Mrs. W

Continued prayers, Sparky...

I completely understand and even though I'm concerned, I will put Spartan's needs first.

Tonigh we go to marriage counseling and I'm anxious for her to give me my assignments to work on with Jennifer's plan.

So far, the EP's that I put in place have been done with ease because I can see Spartan's faith in me growing. I talked to him about installing a software on my phone that has GPS and other things. I am not tech savvy at all, but he is. I want HIM to do it because that way he knows it's on there and hasn't been tampered with in any way, shape or form. He said that he would "think about it", so I am not sure how to take that. I'm hoping that it is a glimmer of trust in me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm working very hard to reach the summit.

It's a hard path to the summit, but the view is worth it.

I really like that analogy, Dealan-de. That's one that I'll envision in my head when things get rough.