Yes, I was extremely lucky that my bothers-inaw, her uncles and parents all supported me. Living with a BPD exacts a huge toll on one's sense of self and this really helped. I wish other BSs were as fortunate in this regard.

I had to think about this. I think my daughter in the hospital was worse - not knowing if she would make it. I say that because I could deal with my FWH but I don't think I could have dealt with losing my DD.

GG

I'd go through this a thousand times rather than having something bad happen to my kids. Still prety bad, though.

I agree on that...

The thing is, as tough as it was with kiddo, I never truly believed kiddo would really be gone, but with H, I believed it.

The emotional pain associated with the knowledge of my H's betrayal was worse than the the grief I experienced with the death of my parents and with the death of a dear brother-in-law. For at least two months following D-day, just the thought of the betrayal gripped my mind with such force that it sent a numbing sensation throughout my body. Now I am better at shaking off the mind-bruising thoughts.

I have to agree w/ Zelmo. But it is still he worst thing that I have personally experienced. God willing, it be my biggest trial in life.

Worst thing imaginable! Incomprehensible emotional and physical pain.

Now we know why in most ancient civilizations adultery was punished with the death of both WS and OP. Wish they'd bring those laws back!

To date the affair trauma is the worst I've ever experienced. I do not want to find out what could top it either.

worst thing i have ever had to face. thank god WH still sees my son often because if he was suffering too that would be very tough for me. I mean I know he has suffered but if my WH never saw him that would just be horrible.

I often wonder if i will ever be able to not have the knot in my stomach and the pain in my head and heart. and I have not seen the OW at all, I dont know how i will handle if I see them together. D-day was almost 2 years ago and I think that seeing them together would send me right back to the unbearable pain of D-day.

I am still close with my mother in law and she asked me to have dinner with my son ,WH and other family. I told her I couldnt because it hurts to see him. She said to me "oh come on this is getting old". That hurt.

I was with him a long time and planned on spending the rest of my life with him. I told her "Its not old to me I am still in pain"

And a friend said to me "You just gotta move on and forget about him".....Yeah easier said than done. I still have a son with him and he was my life for a long time>I wish I COULD forget about him it would save me a lot of tears and pain.

ou will get all types of these insensitive commnets, invariably form folks that have never been through it. I had no inkling what this was like before going through it and might have said the same dumb type of thing.
I don't think they mean to hurt us. But, they are just so ignorant(like I was).

I have not read this entire thread. But I must agree, finding out that you have been hurt by the very person who is supposed ot protect you has been a big wake-up call for me and more traumatizing than anything I've ever been through. Now I have a wall around me and it will never come down. I now know what true pain is. There is no going back.

I've been through worse things.

But I certainly understand why some would feel it's the worst trauma possible.

Infidelity provides an "acute" pain, as well as a "chronic" pain. I think most people get the acute part, but less understood by others is the chronic nature of the pain.

There are no words to describe the pain, hurt and emotional distress this has caused.

I was so shocked and totally blindsided by the A with the plastic pinata that I could not function.

DDay will be in July and I found out about the A in August. It sickens me. I still cry most days thinking of WH not at home and living another life with OW.

I was my father's daughter and even his death was not as bad as this. I grieved for my Dad when he died but it was for all the good he did. I grieve for my M for the betrayal and loss of love.

Here is a question I have. So many people don't trust anyone after an A. My fWxW says she doesn't trust me because I retaliated. I trust everyone?? My friends said, "Man, you will never trust anyone again!!" But I do? I don't understand it at all. I even trust fWxW more now than ever, yet I was the betrayed?? How can this be? I don't worry about anyone "cheating" on me, even when I had GFs. Anyone else lihe that? DUDE

I never really worried about it, either. Even after my first wife serially cheated, I thought it was an abberation, and attributed it to her alcoholism.
But, that was before the internet. After all the reading, I now know that women are just as likely to cheat as men, if not moreso in certain age groups. Ever wonder why shows like "Desperate Housewives" or Sex and the City are so geared toward a female audience? I think it is because there is a large subset of women who find cheating very appealing.
It is a jungle out there , and, apparently, I am ill equipped to discern they type of person that is likely to cheat.
I have one very strict rule now in dating. If the woman has ever been involved in an affair, ever betrayed a boyfriend or been an OW, I run. I know people can change and I may be missing out on a good potential partner. But, this hit si so painful , I cannot allow myself to take the chance.
Still, how the heck can you really know ith any certainty?

Fortunately, I have never been a victim of rape, molestation, serious crime, nor have I yet had to grieve the death of a very close family member, but ... infidelity/divorce is easily THE MOST PAINFUL thing I have ever experienced and could ever imagine. I never knew it was possible to hurt that bad and for so long.

Unless someone else has been through it, they have NO IDEA...esp., the WS.

I just read this post...in response to your original question, yes. I lost my soulmate and best friend to sudden death, he was barely 51, that was a huge shock and the worst thing I had ever gone through...until this. I remarried to a friend of his, and I loved him so much, was a great wife, and he betrayed me so bad, I don't know that I'll ever recover from it fully. Can one? He cheated on me, lied to me, used me, manipulated me, stole from me, abandoned me, and I will lose my home thanks to him. It is hard for me to believe that this man that I loved, that looked into my eyes and said his wedding vows, could do all of that without looking back, without being bothered by it. Yes, this is definitely the hardest thing I've been through. When my late husband died, he didn't choose to, he didn't willingly abandon me, it was a shock, but our love was still intact...this, this is different.

I hear you! I have a "friend" that has been that way. After a year of her put down remarks instead of encouragement, I have decided to cut her loose...I don't need that and since we aren't related, I don't need to put up with it!

That's a good response, I'll have to remember that one! LOL It reminds me, when my late husband died, my older sister kept telling me what to do, that I needed to sell my house, etc., etc. I tried to get her to back off to no avail, so finally I told her, "Tell you what, when YOUR husband dies, I'll tell YOU what to do!" That took care of it...