Hi again Kickme,

I am glad you are posting. I wonder what happened to the LEO after your complaint. I'm sure that this would also put pressure on their relationship.

Scripture is clear that an unbeliever must be allowed to go after leaving. No qualms at not engaging.

How is DS doing at school? How is your Christian walk progressing?

Imagine,
I needed to take some time for me and seek God concerning my family. The Lord has blessed me with many opportunities to share and minister to people who have needs greater than mine. My walk with God continues to amaze me. I am confident that I am walking the path with God and living in His will.

DS is doing much better in school and he seems to be adjusting a little better. He loves his church and enjoys our time together.

As far as my favorite LEO.....he had to find another job. Seems LEO's are not immune from violating department policies.

I have to let my WW go. Jesus bled on the ground hanging from that cross. He is the Judge, not I. I have forgiven them both, and continue to pray that their judgement won't be too harsh.....KWIM?

Hi Kick,

I haven't had a chance to catch up on what you are writing, but I see you are online and I really wanted to send hugs and say hi to you.

I miss you a lot...

Queenie,

I haven't posted much, but I have kept up with a few of my favorites ....I realize that you too have good days as well as not so good days. You are an amazing servant of God. Just keep listening and learning. He is teaching us many things...all designed to live in His Will.

Hugs and more Hugs to ya!!!

Yep! Good for you!

KM:

You've been on my mind and I'm so glad to see that you posted an update. Godly peace is a beautiful thing....

Just posted to Muted Sparkle and thought I'd give another update.
Less than 3 weeks away from divorce. My WAW has finally admitted that she has caused great hurt to me and the family. I know that I should try to "make it work", but I cannot.

I suffered for a long time and when I finally found true PEACE, I realized that I could not live like that. I have read most all posts here and I am thrilled when marriage's recover. I am also saddened when they fail because the WS is still just that....wayward.

I have a heart full of love for my kids and my God. It is not fair to "possibly" be subjected to the same ABUSE again in the future.

For all the folks here that believe in R at all costs, I'm sorry that I can't. I have a ministry to continue and will be sharing my expierence with others. If I can help someone early on in the process and save the M, or more importantly, their life.....I have followed God's commamdant to all of us...."go out into the world and share the gospel".

I AM AT PEACE!!

I am most definately not a "marriage at all cost" person and believe that any WS who has a marriage that recovers from infidelity should thank their lucky stars that they have been blessed by a BS who is willing to give it another chance.

I don't think most people look down on a BS who decides they can't get past the betrayal that adultery brings. I know I don't. Each person has to make their own decision about their own life, but MB helps immensely to help a BS make that decision AND to recover personally either way.

Your personal journey will be a testimony to others who come behind you wondering what to do and where to go. Divorce is sad, but it's not the end.

Thanks PM, you have been a great support for me. I appreciate all your kind words.

As for me, yes it is a sad time, but its the beginning of the REST of my life.

Keep posting. You offer so much to so many.

Thanks Pep!!

I will absolutely keep posting. I just felt that as I near the finish line, I needed to remain somewhat silent. Don't want to sway someone riding the fence......kwim?

Hi kickme, I have only recently read your posts. You have such strength and faith.

I am in the same sitch (WH served D papers in 1/09) but I am still standing right now.

Whatever happens I know I have to continue to not only live but to be happy in spite of the destruction of my M.

I am keeping faith in God that He is handling it for me.

Please continue to post even though you have made a different choice. This is what this board is about -- opinions that might differ but respectful for them.

I'm not sure why exactly that I am posting other than to offer my expierences to others in the same situation.

Most of you have read my posts and know that I have made the decision to let my WAW go. We have our final hearing on 5/14. I have said that I'm at peace with myself and the whole mess this A has caused. AND I AM TRULY AT PEACE!!

For those of you that are currently walking the same path....please do not give up....the fog does lift and the WS will realize the damage they have caused.

I have played hardball with my WAW and we have reached a settlement agreement VERY much in my favor. This comes from someone only months before could not stand me...she wanted so desperatly for me to be a monster that she made me out to be, you know, so her actions could be justified.

I cried, begged, pleaded and to no avail. At some point I surrendered my WAW and the OM to God, and from that day till now, I found the PEACE that I keep talking about. At no point in all this did I EVER show a side of me that I was embarrassed about. I stood firm in my beliefs and I emerged the father and husband that everyone already knew. I grew and enjoyed my time with my children. At no time did I ever disrespect "Mom". I just simply told them the truth and let them make their own decisions.

So, whats the point of all this? I did a great plan B and had ZERO contact with my WAW for well over 3 months. When the time came to reach our settlement agreement, I took the opportunity to speak to her and we met. We reached an agreement, she signed it, and I gave to my A.
Now, she has admitted that she can never forgive herself, acknowledges the pain she has caused, etc. She texts me everyday and wishes me a good morning, etc. Yesterday, it was a text saying that she misses me. I replied, "well what are you going to do about it?" Her reply...I do miss you--there's not anything I can do."

The OM is still very much in her life and she is very sad that she is losing me, but yet has done nothing to stop her A. I fell victim to her cake eating, but no more!!

At this point, if you are in the same situation with similiar dialogue, you have to make a choice....continue to fight for your M...OR...realize this will continue for a long time to come and know that as a BS, YOU DONT HAVE TO ACCEPT CRUMBS!

God has given me a ministry and has healed my heart. I will always love my wife, but MY life is too precious to allow others to destroy it.

I will continue to pray for them both. For me, I AM AT PEACE!

Tomorrow is my final hearing and the D will be final.

I have maintained my position on ending the M.

Just want to run this by the board....In the last month my WAW has not stopped texting me. Just good morning stuff, etc. Couple of times we saw each other and then last week she hugged me and started crying. Now, the texts contain the usual "I miss you and I love you still". For the most part, I have ignored and only replied have a good day, etc.

EVERYDAY the OM is there and they have dinner, etc. He is with her at all times.

What the heck is this and am I missing something here?

She misses having two guys wanting her. And human nature hates having someone say they don't want you any more.

kickme, I have followed your thread and we are on similar time lines. What you have posted gave me a lot of hope. I have decided that I must fight for my own recovery as my WH is too wayward for me to fight for the M. We are now in the D process, but it is not being driven by me. I have no direct contact with him and that gives me some peace, but I am not where you are now. I hope that as I continue to let go, I will regain more of myself in this process.
Please keep posting becasue there are many facing D and need to know that recovery is possible and that peace may come than we think.
BF439

BF,

Thanks for your comments, and yes I will keep posting.
If there is one lesson that I can gain from this horrible expierence, it is YOUR PERSONAL RECOVERY!

In the early days I lost 48 pounds, was depressed, cried all the time, could hardly function at work....was a complete mess!

I read somewhere here that I needed to work on me. I dont know, maybe a light bulb went off some where in my FOGGY brain. I started exercising hard, and more importantly, I re-connected with my kids. Not that I was a bad Dad, just busy with work.

My kids literally saved my life! I found joy and happiness that I had simply missed. Literally overnight, I realized that I was the victim and did not deserve this treatment. Kinda thought of it this way....if you let your purse or wallet hang out of your pocket and was robbed....would you continue to be careless? NO WAY!! Sure I love my WAW and probably in some ways always will. HOWEVER, for me, I simply did not want to live with the lies and future false recoveries. I had one false recovery that lasted one day...and from that point on, I KNEW she would not change.

There is tons here that have recovered and I think have powerful testimonies to share....and they do....and I thank them for it. For some, like me, I too have a powerful testimony....RECOVER yourself first, let your WS go....there is nothing that can be done IF after you've followed Dr. Harley's plans and the WS doesn't respond. They will eventually, like mine is now. However, if she really loves and misses me, then why text me with the OM somewhere in her home?

For those of us that are currently going through this....please find peace with yourself. For me, it was my faith in God. I have recently had a complete physical and the Dr was amazed at my overall health. I'm 48 years old and have the bloodwork and health of someone in their early 20's.

PLEASE PLEASE REVOVER YOURSELF!! It is hard to do, I know, but let them go and you will soon arrive at a place that is BETTER than before the A.

If you have faith, turn them over to God and don't look back. If your M is to be recovered, let God do the work for you. What better "helper" than that? If your M cannot be recovered, let God do the work for you. What better "helper" than that?

I have PEACE!!

Thanks for that Kickme. You are an inspiration.

Oh Boy!!

2PM Eastern Time today.

Please add me to your prayer list....Thanks

I have much to be thankful to God for. He has restored my faith and restored my life.

Yesterday brought an end to my Marriage. Those of you that followed my story KNOW that I tried.

For those that are going through like sitch, find your faith in God, and He will bring peace to your soul.

I am at PEACE!

And oh by the way....Betrayed Spouses, fight and fight hard for your financial future and the future of your children. Once I found peace, I never backed down on the financial side and NEVER backed down with anything concerning DS12. If the WS wants out, they will agree to almost anything. After 18 years of M with a SAHM, and in a no-fault state, I'm not paying a dime of alimony. I'm not boasting....I had no part in the cause of her A, so I was not going to support her and the POSOM.