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She apparently did come out of the fog for several months as she shared a lot of details and even told me when he tried to make contact with her. Something has been majorly different this week, although she says this feeling has been building.
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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She apparently did come out of the fog for several months as she shared a lot of details and even told me when he tried to make contact with her. Something has been majorly different this week, although she says this feeling has been building. If he was trying to contact her then she did not come out of the fog. Continued contact = continued fog. And if he was trying, I suspect he was eventually successful. Since there was really nothing set up to prevent it, she was just a sitting duck for a resumption. Are you staying in touch with the OMW to compare notes? Does she know about the times the OM tried to contact your wife? Didn't the OM work at the gym? Did he quit working there? Weren't they both working there at one time and the deal was they work different shifts or something?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have been checking the iphone. There's nothing there. (from her work phone). So you could tell if she received a text and erased it? How exactly? And what about incoming and outgoing calls? How would you ever know if they were erased?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No. He only went there and his wife made him stop. My take was that he attempted to contact her, he actually walked into the gym when he wasnt supposed to. She told me that she walked away both times. I told his wife.
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 307
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OP
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On the phone I check the internet log. Cant erase those.
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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One of our board members recently busted his wife after months of limbo using that flexispy. He was checking her PDA every day and found nothing. Then he installed that software and found evidence of an affair right away being carried on via text messages. There was no record of incoming or outgoing texts on the bill and he could see nothing by looking at her phone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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On the phone I check the internet log. Cant erase those. Does it show text messages? hmmmm, I wonder if she has a secret cell phone at work? Can you ask the OMW to monitor her H's phone use while your wife is at work?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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arkhawk, I smell a big ole fat RAT.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I smell it too, just can't find it.!!!!
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Posts: 11,245
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The truth is, you really aren't looking hard enough to find the 'proof.' I suspect you don't want to know. That's fine, if it is what it is.
But you have to make a decision. Either move forward, hire a PI and find out the truth, or kick her butt out and move on.
Oh, or else you could continue to sit on your hands and HOPE she'll see what a great guy you are.
Dude, she is in major wayward fog. Do something, ok?
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yes it shows who sent or received the text but not the actual message
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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It's there. You just have to brainstorm and figure it out. I assure you its this OM. You might want to start with a phone call to the OMW to see if she smells a rat too.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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yes it shows who sent or received the text but not the actual message Are there any unidentified #s on there?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you actually TRYING to bust her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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well its only been a few days, but I have used all the tools I used before. She's smarter now though so I'll have to do something else. To be honest, I've been bought into her story for the most part. I've had my suspicions which is why I looked, but your comments have really cemented my suspicions. I'm gonna have to try harder and use other methods.
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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good man, because she is talking some serious wayward smack here. And it is not for the reasons she gave you. I wouldn't be surprised if she and the OM have a plan to leave their spouses and that is the reason this has suddenly come up.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ark, in the meantime just be a broken record and tell her you aren't interested in divorce. Tell her you won't allow her to remove the kids from the home and will fight for full custody citing her adultery. Let her know you will not be her "friend" if it comes to that. [they want you to be their "friend" while they stick it to you so they won't feel as guilty - that is a classic WS tactic]
She needs to be told that you will not cooperate with any legal schemes and will make it extremely hard if she tries to destroy your children's family for her affair.
This will give her second thoughts about the divorce. I suspect she and OM have a plan to leave their spouses, which is all based on fantasy. But if you let her know how tough this will be it will burst her baloon.
in the meantime, snoop like a bloodhound. She is bound to screw up soon if you are watching like a hawk and NOT LETTING HER KNOW YOU SUSPECT SOMETHING.
Keep acting like you don't suspect anything and search around. Search her car everywhere for a secret cell phone. Put a tap on your landline and then leave the house for awhile. Put a GPS in her car.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She told me that she walked away both times. And...tell me why you believe a WAYWARD?! What has she done to earn your trust? She cheated! IMO, she has a good 5 to 10 years before she deserves to be believed to be telling the truth.
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Posts: 307 |
Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years
Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
arkhawk, check out this statement by Dr Harley about the desire to separate. Keep in mind that he has SEEN IT ALL over 35+ years: I've seen so many spouses lie about affairs, that when one spouse wants a separation, my best guess is that he or she is having an affair. I'm right almost every time.
Why would anyone need to be alone to sort things out? It makes much more sense to think that being separated makes it easier to be with their lover. Granted, there are many good reasons for a separation, such as physical or extreme mental abuse. But of all those I've seen separate, most have had lovers in the wings.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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