|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
My round 2 e-mail is a combination of everyone's suggestions - so thanks to all.
Here it is:
Hello,
OW has encouraged me to contact you and let you know that she is having an adulterous affair with my husband, WS. These past 16 months of our marriage, with WS working abroad, have been testing but 22 years is a lot to throw away just because of his addictive personality.
After telling me about OW, WS and I went on a family holiday with my nieces where we all had a great time. OW knows that I am fighting to save our marriage but her continued presence in it is preventing WS from being able to make clear choices.
If you care about OW then please support her to make the right choices for her family, which clearly would not include continuing a relationship with a married cheater.
Please feel free to contact me at ... if you would like additional information.
Many thanks,
BS
P.S. If you are reading this and thinking that it is ME who should be ashamed for letting the world know the Truth, please be aware that it is wrong to Commit adultery, it is Not wrong to Expose adultery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 29
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 29 |
TM,
If ever there was an OW that needed to read this, the one in your life is it...
[quote]He'll be different with you, you're special
Author Unknown That is absolute class .... made me smile. It really did. That should be mandatory reading for every OP.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
Now I know what the problem is and I believe that we can solve it and then work together to bring our marriage back to an even better place than it was before. I just want to be given the opportunity because I know that we are the best thing for each other when we are walking along the same path. So, what exactly IS your plan to break an addiction, to make HIM WANT to break an addiction?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Now I know what the problem is and I believe that we can solve it and then work together to bring our marriage back to an even better place than it was before. I just want to be given the opportunity because I know that we are the best thing for each other when we are walking along the same path. So, what exactly IS your plan to break an addiction, to make HIM WANT to break an addiction? I suppose the plan is to make him not want to lose me. And then for him to realise that in order to have me, he must want to break the addiction. He can't have both and he has to figure out for himself which is more important to him in his own long term goals for happiness. This whole process should show him how much I care for him and want him. Whether those feelings will ever be reciprocated again, I don't know.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344 |
Oh yes, WS has confessed to me that he has cheated on OW and looks for opportunities even now. Have you told her this? This kind of behavior is very SELF destructive. Does he show other signs of setting himself up for failure/disease/death? Just wondering.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Oh yes, WS has confessed to me that he has cheated on OW and looks for opportunities even now. Have you told her this? This kind of behavior is very SELF destructive. Does he show other signs of setting himself up for failure/disease/death? Just wondering. Not really. he did put on a lot of weight due to eating out all the time, drinking and not doing exercise but last time I saw him he had lost the weight, although I suspect that he still drinks more than he should. He is very conscientious in his work and would not want to jeopordise his career in any way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344 |
I was just wondering.
Sometimes people choose to engage in self destructive behaviors as a pleasurable way to get out of life, kwim?
If this is the way he's been for a long while, it's prolly not that.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499 |
, Have you contacted this boy's Dad to let him know what kind of environment HIS son is being raised in?? If I was the parent, I would WANT to know what my child us being exposed to.........just a thought.... Not2fun ps....kudos on the FB exposure.....there's nothing better than rattling the ho's cage a little.... 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
, Have you contacted this boy's Dad to let him know what kind of environment HIS son is being raised in?? If I was the parent, I would WANT to know what my child us being exposed to.........just a thought.... Not2fun ps....kudos on the FB exposure.....there's nothing better than rattling the ho's cage a little.... Thanks, not2fun Yes, OWH was the first person I contacted back in July when I found out OW's full name and details. He ignored both my e-mails (I even pointed him here) and told OW to keep him out of her affairs. He wasn't interested. If WS ever talks to me again I may ask him to ask himself the question as to why I am fighting for our marriage but OWH isn't fighting for theirs?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
TM - here are my suggestions. My round 2 e-mail is a combination of everyone's suggestions - so thanks to all.
Here it is:
Hello,
OW has encouraged me to contact you and let you know that she is having an adulterous affair with my husband, WS. These past 16 months of our marriage, with WS working abroad, have been testing but 22 years is a lot to throw away just because even with his admitted of his addictive personality.
After telling me about OW, Even after all this WS and I went on a family holiday with my nieces where and we all had a great time. including WH OW knows that I am fighting to save our marriage but her continued presence in it is preventing WS from being able to make clear choices yet she continues to choose to try to destroy our family.
If you care about OW then please support encourage her to make the right choices for her family, which clearly would not include continuing a relationship with a married cheater.
Please feel free to contact me at ... if you would like additional information.
Many thanks,
BS
P.S. If you are reading this and thinking that it is ME who should be ashamed for letting the world know the Truth, please be aware consider that it is wrong to COMMIT adultery, it is not wrong to EXPOSE adultery. If more people would be stand up for what's right, our world would be a better place.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Thanks, princessmeggy - I like what you have done there.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
Hey TM,
Good email but just wanted to point out that this is a one time thing, you cant email OW friends more than once so please MAKE IT COUNT, i dont mean that you need to write an essay but giving them more specific facts (ie WS previous cheating past, OW behaviour towards you etc) will go a long way. I know that you may be worried about your WS reaction but in all honesty having read your story i dont think you have much left to loose by fully exposing his character to OW friends
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Hey TM,
Good email but just wanted to point out that this is a one time thing, you cant email OW friends more than once so please MAKE IT COUNT, i dont mean that you need to write an essay but giving them more specific facts (ie WS previous cheating past, OW behaviour towards you etc) will go a long way. I know that you may be worried about your WS reaction but in all honesty having read your story i dont think you have much left to loose by fully exposing his character to OW friends You are right. My heart has been pounding today because I am going to e-mail tonight. There is no way that I can go through stress like this again. I understand what you are saying about letting them know about WS's serial cheating but the truth is that OW knows what he is like because that is how she met him. And I am sure that most of her friends will know as well because they go to the same places and can see that WS's behaviour is far from demure. I will have a last look and maybe throw in a few more phrases or re-word a few things. And yes, I have nothing to lose. He is almost lost to me anyway. Thank you
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
Im really keeping my fingers corssed for you and hoping things work out,
you said OW know about WS behaviour, but her friends are the ones your getting to sit up and pay attention to the situation so you need to inform them. Its not about getting information to OW its about getting her friends to stop the stupidness she is getting involved in. Let them know about you and who you are so next time they see WS and OW they will remember your exsistance and maybe do the right thing. By the sound of her email she has been spinning alot of bull about you and the way you supposedly treated WS and his family badly, you need to clarify your position so that they have no excuse for their behaviour.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458 |
Technically, in the P.S. it should be "it is I" not "it is me", but that could be considered grammar nit-picking...
tl
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
but that could be considered grammar nit-picking... and that'd be the LAST thing I'd expect from you TL! 
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Hi Folks!
Just to let you know that I sent the round 2 e-mail this morning to 22 FB friends who seemed the closest to OW. Mainly ones who wished her Happy Birthday or are going to her party on Saturday.
The version I used is as princessmeggy suggested but with the grammatical correction.
Thanks to everyone for your input on this. I will post an update when I get to hear of the fallout.
TM
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 188
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 188 |
I'd love to be at that party 
BS:35(me)
WH:32
DS 12/8
OW1: 2004 EA/PA?
ILYBNILWY 4/09
OW2 2008/2009 EA/PA?
Separated: 06/14/09
D-Day: OW3 PA 06/20/09
Am I married to a Serial Cheater?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
I'd love to be at that party If anyone in the SoCal area is free Saturday night and would like to go to a party, send me a message and I will give you the address.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617 |
OMG, TM, that is awesome....... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
827
guests, and
50
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
