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And the media doesn't help with shows like "Reba". BS "gets along" with EWH and is friends with OW, who is now his wife. I really like Reba (the person) but I don't get how she could do a show like that, unless she's never been a BS. I used to like that show until I really started thinking about it's message.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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[quote=Mulan] I know he had a fantasy that he could divorce me, we would still be friends, he could still come over and see me and the kids any time he wanted, we would have BBQ's together (even stated this to me and kids), would spend all holidays together, and he could still have his OW long distance on the side. You all forgot the part where the BS is supposed to gain a bazillion pounds, adopt 27 cats, and sit home every weekend in solitary pining over the gone wayward draping ourselves in bitterness and ill-spirits until the day we die......  or at least that was what my WH had wanted........  not2fun I think my WH got his wish come true on that one.. 
Last edited by stillhere8126; 11/18/09 02:57 PM.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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I like to use "exWW had an affair with her 2nd cousin and we are divorcing." You might also add: "She met him at the casting call for the sequel to "Deliverance". Let them squeal like a piggy!
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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The problem? POSOM hasn't filed his taxes in about 10 years!
POSOM has no one to blame but himself for inserting himself in both my exWW and our finances. I almost feel like buying airfare to fly out for your trial  I've spent a lot of time over the last week or so going over the audio tape from the PFA hearing from 11/26/08 where xWW had POSOM testify. It was well worth the $25 I paid to have it made. We had a woman judge for this hearing and she had ZERO patience for exWW. It was great! Then, exWW and POSOM probably thought that their testimony would nail me to the wall. Turns out, except for some small details, POSOM's testimony matched mine and were about 180 degrees different from exWW! To make things even better, his testimoney is going to be used against her in the alimony hearing! The proceedings were so rediculous and over the top that it would make great TV drama without much editing! The alimony hearing will definately be worth the price of admission! Especially since the big issue is exWW's SF with POSOM and whether she cohabitates with him. Nothing like bringing your adultry straight into the courtroom for all to see!
Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08
Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Oh yes -- the Fantasy of Divorce. Welcome to Fantasy Island... Boss boss, zee plane zee plane.  Tattoo runs to greet the new visitors to welcome them to the world of Fantasy Island. All of your dreams will come true. Here your BS will be happy that you left. They want YOU to have everything you deserve. Yes there is one room for you and your OP and then an attached suite for your BS and the children. Of course the OP children can stay there also. It is one big family.  Mr Rourke comes down to meet everyone. Tattoo looks up at him and says "boss can this really happen?" Yes, my little friend but only on Fantasy island.  Yes my XH was demented. Fantasy: Said we will help each other out with D16. If you want to go away I can watch her or anytime you want to go out. Reality: D16 refuses all contact with him. Has not seen him since May 2008 and counting. Her choice  Fantasy: I will help you with all the maintenance on the house and cut the lawn. Reality: First week he was over every day doing work. Has not set foot in the house since he dropped off D papers in mail box January 2009  Fantasy: You will be happier...I will be happy. Reality: If happiness means drinking like a fish and living with a pig he must be falling over with happiness. I work on my own personal happiness everyday but have learned and improved upon myself.  Fantasy: We can even go to Las Vegas together because we will be friends. Reality: He took PP there at least 2x in a year and spent $5K in 5 days. He blew all his money on this A.  Fantasy: You will be "fair" to me if I decide to get a divorce. Reality: Fair as in take 1/2 of everything. Another bubble that blew up in his face. He is in financial hole, lost all respect at work, lives with a demented barbie doll and he is "happy" or nuts????  more fog babble more fog babble.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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The good part is watching the train wreck. I'm an entropy fan.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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The good part is watching the train wreck. I'm an entropy fan. I need to bring my nephew. He would enjoy watching a good train wreck. He could bring a whistle.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Yes Zelmo, people like my H and your W will never figure out how bad they messed up and how messed up they are. Here we are, miserable, and them....not even aware of their action, feeling totally entitled.
With a personality like they have I guess life passes right thru them. I do not think they will ever get a grip or ever feel the pain of what they put us thru. If your W and my H were A partners their A would have ended in a happy M. They are one of a kind.
blessing Sadly, they aren't "one of a kind". This is how 99% of WSs act...as much as we want to think so in self-pity, there is nothing "unique" or "special" about our WSs/xWSs. It's just run-of-the-mill wayward behavior.
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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Yes there is one room for you and your OP and then an attached suite for your BS and the children. Of course the OP children can stay there also. It is one big family. The common scenario is WH runs off to be with OW. BS keeps kids and the X & his Mistress get rights to visit. Fanatsy of everyone getting along. In my case mine WH specifically stated to me he was going to replace me, our childrens' mom. OW was going to be the new mom and they the two of them and kids would live happily ever after. Upon hearing this, my MIL declared she would support his fantasy if he chooses this. She told me, if I don't stay and fix this she will make sure I lose the kids. She will hire the best attorney and support her son in his choice and I will lose the kids. She will make sure of it, told very forcefully. That's one of my biggest fears. I know she has the finances and connections to boot. I'v been told not to believe this bs but it's hard not to. Would it be a far fetch to have this happen? So in a ways I can relate to the BS's who have XWWs who threaten and sometimes, often end up with the kids.
Last edited by AliceGetsAClue; 11/18/09 10:50 PM.
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SDCW,
There are some WS who seem to redeem themselves down the road. I think Zelmo's W and my H are the hard core ones...those that do not even see the pain they inflict and never will. At some point all WS are like my H, but then some do brake into tears and say they are sorry...so there are several degress of being a jerk...
blessing
atena
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Yes there is one room for you and your OP and then an attached suite for your BS and the children. Of course the OP children can stay there also. It is one big family. The common scenario is WH runs off to be with OW. BS keeps kids and the X & his Mistress get rights to visit. Fanatsy of everyone getting along. In my case mine WH specifically stated to me he was going to replace me, our childrens' mom. OW was going to be the new mom and they the two of them and kids would live happily ever after. Upon hearing this, my MIL declared she would support his fantasy if he chooses this. She told me, if I don't stay and fix this she will make sure I lose the kids. She will hire the best attorney and support her son in his choice and I will lose the kids. She will make sure of it, told very forcefully. That's one of my biggest fears. I know she has the finances and connections to boot. I'v been told not to believe this bs but it's hard not to. Would it be a far fetch to have this happen? So in a ways I can relate to the BS's who have XWWs who threaten and sometimes, often end up with the kids. OMG, Alice, I am so sorry...this is so very hard...but I have heard that it is very very very difficult for the mother to lose custody of the kids, so I wouldnt think you would have to worry, but I am not positive....Nice inlaws huh?
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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SDCW,
There are some WS who seem to redeem themselves down the road. I think Zelmo's W and my H are the hard core ones...those that do not even see the pain they inflict and never will. At some point all WS are like my H, but then some do brake into tears and say they are sorry...so there are several degress of being a jerk...
blessing Right after Dday my WH wrote me a letter stating what a horrible person he was and how sorry HE was that HE inflicted so much pain on so many people that love him....NEVER did I hear this again after, and he cries all the time according to DS and he has cried in front of me and MIL recently....BUT he is still with OW, so I think he is one of the ones that just thinks that eventually everyone will get over and just forget about everything he has done and pretend it never happened...and inlaws and me and DS will just accept OW, FAT CHANCE...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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stillhere, many folks never get that it's not enough to SAY you're sorry, although they seem to think it should be and can't understand why it's not.
They never grasp, or don't want to grasp, that if you are really sorry you have to actually DO the things that would SHOW you are sorry.
Your WH was crying, sure, but he wasn't crying enough to get rid of his girlfriend, was he? Until he's crying enough to actually DO that, his tears and $3 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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You are right Mulan....I think he was just crying for himself and how everything didnt work out according to his plan..ie. We are NOT all one big happy family and accept OW...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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SDCW,
There are some WS who seem to redeem themselves down the road. I think Zelmo's W and my H are the hard core ones...those that do not even see the pain they inflict and never will. At some point all WS are like my H, but then some do brake into tears and say they are sorry...so there are several degress of being a jerk...
blessing Atena, I guess you could say some WSs are more 'hard-core' than others over time, but they ALL act with selfish self-entitlement, callous disregard for the hurt they have inflicted, and a stubborn refusal to openly acknowledge the wrongfulness of their actions, even for them. True, some "come around" sooner than others and some seemingly never do outwardly. But, I am convinced that virtually ALL of them feel it inside when the fantasy fades and the loss sinks in. I know how much it sucks to want "more" and "sooner" from them. If you read my sig below, you will see that I am in the same boat as you and Zelmo (and many OTHERS)...I do understand and know your pain as my own. We have to go on with our lives and consider that whatever "good" we may get someday from our WSs/xWSs will be just gravy, so to speak, and not necessary for our existence, happiness, or recovery. I'm so sorry...God Bless SDCW
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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stillhere, many folks never get that it's not enough to SAY you're sorry, although they seem to think it should be and can't understand why it's not.
They never grasp, or don't want to grasp, that if you are really sorry you have to actually DO the things that would SHOW you are sorry.
Your WH was crying, sure, but he wasn't crying enough to get rid of his girlfriend, was he? Until he's crying enough to actually DO that, his tears and $3 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
Mulan Very well stated. I heard similar things from my WW and later from my xWW but without ACTIONS it means nothing and the BS has to refuse to validate it as anything more than NOTHING.
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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The sorry's that I got that I hated were the " i am sorry for the way things turned out for us" or "I am sorry for the things that happened that made things the way they are now" or "I am sorry for the way things happened"
I have tons of "I am sorry text messages" I call them 101 ways to say you are sorry without saying YOU are sorry.... He loves to blame the all encompassing "SITUATION" or "the way things happened". Yeah because the "situation" cheated and lied not WH.
But the one letter at the beginning it was HE was sorry for what HE did and the pain HE inflicted and he doesnt know why HE did it, he knew something was wrong with me and HE didnt do anything about it...To me this just proves that deep inside in that WH is my H who takes full responsibilty for his affair and knows it was his fault and not mine or the "situation".
Somehow he stuffed that way deep inside him and I dont know if it will ever come back out. But I know its in there and that is the H that I miss so much, the H that could admit when he screwed up (most of the time) the H that cared about me and would never hurt me like WH did.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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But maybe my H is dead. Never to be heard from again... 
Last edited by stillhere8126; 11/20/09 08:35 PM.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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you people are so intolerant and narrow minded!! How can you have a diversity of friends if you practice exclusion?? If you exclude liars, cheaters and adulterers, how can you claim to be diverse? I know I always seek those traits in my friends! You judgmental bigots! 
TRUE TO LIFE STORY--SWEAR TO GODUpon a much belated D-day, after months of lying, manipulation, and cake-eating: (Me) "I know about you and POSOM...I can't believe you would do such a thing" (WW) "You are being so judgmental!" Much later, post-D: (WW) "I had hoped we could be friends...or at least 'friendly'!" (Me) "I have no desire to be 'friends' with someone who lies to me, betrays me, and stabs me in the back...I have no need for a 'friend' like that."
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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Yep, I love that old "let's let bygones be bygones" deal and in effect telling you that you are being petty and need to be "adult" and forget it. I got this from my first WW. He ridea of asking forgiveness was a 15 second apolgy at one of my son's footaball games, followed by the expanation that " there was much more going on(that was all my fault) and her emotional needs were not being met(again, my failing, I am sure).
If you really want a good , trigeering movie, go see "A Serious Man". It deals with this fantasy of bot the OM and the WW expecting the BS to rollover and play dead and "be an "adult". I was so pissed by it.
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