It is very painful for me now to be in plan B. I do not have any desire to contact H, but I think about him all the time and can't believe he just does not care at all about me.
He is with OW (not living together but "dating")and not seeing me will not make him grow fonder of me...as out of site out of mind.
I do not even know why I am saying all this when I know very well that plan b is for me to get over him...but as the months go by I this seems to be getting harder.
Does my H only care about himself at this point. It has been 2 month...can I hope for any results..? or is it too early?
blessing

Oh, Atena, I know it is very very hard in plan b.....I have been in Plan B for over a year and a half...and not a good plan B either...So my first advice is to stay very very dark...

second, keep yourself busy, work on yourself, do not event think about WH....and it will get easier, still hard, but much easier...

Third, just know that YES, active waynerds do only care about themselves...yours isnt any different...

{{{{{{{{{{{Atena}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Plan B not only was hard, but it was so BORING and I felt so alone especially during the first few months. I was taught to shake my thoughts of him literally out of my head as soon as I could catch myself thinking of something about him. While that worked a lot of the time, then I learned to just accept there were times that I was going to think about him and let it just take its course, and know that I will be better in time.

I often refer to this analogy of a wave. You never know when it's coming in, and when it does, it hits hard, but then just as fast as it comes in, it always goes back out. Just like the pain that hits, it will go away in time. I never knew what brought it or made it go back out, I just knew it was better...

I too often worried about out of site, out of mind. The truth is we don't REALLY know what is going on in their minds. For one, they are twisted thinking and not thinking clearly and too it's a dangerous place in their mind because I believe that they are avoiding G-d and doing what's right. Anytime you go against G-d is a serious and dangerous place to be so I found it easier to remember that I was helping G-d by staying out of it.

I couldn't imagine what my H was doing to me after all these years and thought all these things... The truth of what he was thinking wasn't at all what I imagined.

And lastly. I HATE this statement. Time take times. You are doing the best you can, and Plan B is not easy... try to give yourself a break.

You need to move to Texas!

Oh no, Here we go...

Don't do it! She'll make you grow your hair big, too!

I won't make her wear her hair big if she moves to MY part of Texas.

She's a lyin' polecat!!

OMG, you are hysterical ML...but seriously

Now listen here, you silly flat headed yankee gals! Atena LOVES TEXAS and used ta live here! SO THERE!

I sympathize with you atena. I liken this process to a grenade going off in the living room, everyone gets hurt. An affair is all about being selfish, your H is being nothing but self centered and is likely giddy with the prospects of this "new" fling. Meanwhile you are left to pick up the pieces of your life. You are likely feeling depressed so might I suggest some of the things to help?

Now is the time for you to become a better you. It is hard but you need to stop focusing and waiting on him, he is not your savior.

- Get a support group,
- get out and socialize.
- Get some exercise it helps with the mood
- Be gentle with your expectations on yourself you are going through what I believe to be the most difficult event in your life.
- Try some new things, sports, activities, hobbies.
- Be aware you may be sinking into a depression see your doctor if you start having difficulty coping

I understand how difficult it is to comprehend that this person who promised to love you forever can run off and not give one hoot about you or your feelings, but believe it, they are that self centered. So you have to look after you.

It isn't easy but we need to keep working on healing.

Gee, it woulda been just a tad bit helpful to check the volume on my laptop before hitting that link....

Lesson hereby learned!

**snort**

I had LOL about the TX postings. The idea of moving anywhere now scares me but I would love to visit TX and promise that my hair will stay the same... flat style!
I am still going through the shock stage of his affair with OW even though I am out of the marital abode.

I am still asking "why" - which is perfectly normal. The answer is there is no "why" there just "is". This is all I need to concentrate on. It is hard however, not to dwell on the details - That's the stuff that makes one go mad. Because along with still dealing with the shock, I am dealing with betrayal.

Right now he doesn't give a sh*t.
He's cheated on me before so the chance of him doing it to OW with the difficult are pretty high...however he is smart...he did not move in with her.
He wants to be a 14 year old. He doesn't want to be an adult.

But all good things must come to an end for us mortals. My H is going to have to grow up and out of this eventually because it's fantasy. And fantasy doesn't hold well in the reality of this world. He just doesn't want to believe or accept this "bliss" will change to something else. That's why cheaters cheat. They cheat for that "high". The "high" goes away and becomes the hangover of "real life".
What H is doing is wrong. It's just that the "honeymoon isn't over yet" for him and OW. He is going to make sure it is prolonged as much as he can...and if she is in only for the sex and companionship then they will be together for a while....
Hard to believe my life is shattered because of a shank.
blessing

(((Atena))), I know it hurts...firsthand unfortunately, I know....yes eventually their fantasy will come crashing down...but like my WH, yours doesnt live with OW, so I think its gonna take a while....

so in the meantime, stop thinkin about him....stop thinking of the why...you wanna know the why...because they are acting like selfish children, they could not control their boundaries and yours like mine sounds like he just didnt want the responsibilty of being married anymore...

My WH still only sees OW about once or twice a week, WH family has never seen her(they do not accept her) and my DS never sees her either.....I mean to me that mean my WH just wants to date his skank, forever...I mean if I was her I would not accept this...but she probably only wants the same from him...

And yes, my WH and OW ruined mine and my DS family, just for this foolishness...and it hurts like he77...and I hate to see another new BS on MB....But you are on the best website you can be on for support....WE GET IT, unfortunately.

PS....so Hmmmm, you would only want to VISIT, TX. And your hair would stay the same...seems to me TX is only another nice place to VISIT ehhh?

Hi Stillhere and thank you.
I see that you have been on plan B now for a year and half now, how are you doing? Is your plan B a dark one?
I do not even know why I want to save this M but I do.
H sees OW daily and spends every weekend with her as her kids are with her ex.
Are there any signs that your H is thinking about you after all this time or are you planning on moving on pretty soon?
blessing
PS: I love Texans a lot, they are my favorite people and the nicest I have ever met, however I left my heart in San Franscisco and if I were to move back to the states I would move near there...

No, I have done a kinda dark Plan B....So please stay dark dark dark....sometimes it gets really hard to do that, but I just caused myself a lot of extra pain and waywards just dont GET IT while they are still seeing OP...so use me as an example of what not to do....

I had a really hard time at first...I can honestly say it took me a while to start to even feel better...but I do feel better and Plan B is a godsend because all you would be doing if you arent in it is preachin to a wall...

And if he is seeing OW daily maybe your waywards fantasy will come crashing down faster...the more he sees OW the faster the fantasy dies....

I truly believe that my WH will not want to stay with this OW...and that he will come out of the fog, but I dont think it will be anytime soon, unfortunately...and I do think that it will happen when it is too late for me...and I gave myself until the two year mark of when he moved out which is April 2010, but if I dont feel I am ready to date yet, I will just keep goin in Plan B.

He hasnt even mentioned divorce yet...so I will probably have to do it when I am ready to date....Hang in there, K? You are another BS added to my prayers....

Thank you Stillhere, I am planning to stay very dark in plan B.
One thing I do not get about plan B, which, by the way is a lifesaver, is how can we expect the WH to come back to us with all that out of site out of mind thing that rightfully plan B brings?
I mean, even if they break up with OW...wouldn't they just look for yet another one instead of coming back to us.
Because if they break up with OW most likely they are having an "A" on her just like they did with us...
blessing